Woman refuses to pay for sister's wedding after BF isn't invited, 'she's made outrageous demands.' AITA?
"My sister wants me to pay for her wedding but didn’t invite my boyfriend and made several outrageous demands. WIBTA if I refuse to attend or pay?"
I (29F) need some advice. My sister, Lily (26F), is getting married in two months. I’ve always been supportive of her, and since our parents can’t contribute much, I offered to cover a significant portion of the wedding costs. However, things have taken a crazy turn, and I don’t know what to do.
Here’s the deal: I’ve been with my boyfriend, Tom (30M), for 5 years. We live together, and my family knows him well. So, imagine my shock when the invitations went out and Tom didn’t get one. I assumed it was a mistake, so I asked Lily about it. She said it wasn’t a mistake; she just didn’t want Tom there because she “never liked him” and didn’t want any “tension” on her special day.
I was stunned. Tom has always been respectful and kind to my family. When I told Lily that I felt uncomfortable attending without him, she doubled down and said it was her wedding, so she could invite (or not invite) whoever she wanted.
Then she dropped another bombshell: she didn’t just want Tom uninvited, she wanted me to come without him but also pretend I was single for the day, as it “would be less awkward” for her and her guests.
I tried to reason with her, but she got really defensive and started making even more bizarre demands. She wanted me to change my dress because she thought the color I chose (a perfectly normal pastel blue) would outshine her. She also asked me to give a speech highlighting our “happy family moments” and to leave out any mention of my relationship with Tom because she didn’t want “any drama.”
I was already feeling disrespected, but then things escalated further. Last night, she called me in a panic, saying she needed me to help out with her bachelorette party, which I thought was already planned. Apparently, she wanted me to organize a last-minute surprise strip show at the party because “the entertainment fell through.” I was floored. I’m not comfortable arranging something like that, and it’s not even my responsibility.
After all this, I told her that if Tom isn’t invited and these crazy demands continue, I won’t be attending, and I also won’t be paying for anything. She exploded, accusing me of trying to ruin her wedding and being a terrible sister.
Our parents are caught in the middle and think I should just go along with it to keep the peace, but I feel like I’m being completely disrespected. WIBTAH if I stick to my decision and refuse to pay or attend the wedding if Tom isn’t invited and these demands continue?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
NTA. Stick to your decision. You and Tom not attending won't ruin anything she seems more than capable of doing that herself. Tell them now she doesn't have to worry about you outshining her.
She just has to find alternate funding and worry about the groom coming to his senses in the next two months. I do wonder though why she wants you to pretend you're single? There is something strange there.
TopAd7154 said:
NTA. My guess is she either wants to set you up with someone (and has probably already told them you're single) or...she's worried people will take more notice of your relationship. Either way? She's a very sad individual. Book a romantic getaway with Tom... post aaallll the photos along with screenshots of her bratty behavior.
Useful-Teach-8418 said:
NTA. Plan a nice vacation/staycation for you and your boyfriend during her wedding. Pull all financial support and block your sister.
AcuteDeath2023 said:
Absolutely NTA. But I do have a question: why are you using a thowaway? Why not post exactly where your family can see all of the comments to come saying that your sister is incredibly selfish and delusional?
Your sister needs to be given a hard reality check. This is a hill to die on - you absolutely know that the more you give in, the more she's going to demand - nothing is ever going to be enough. I also note, that it's always the one who's NTA is asked to 'keep the peace', never the problem-person being pulled into line.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. Why wait? Tell her the ATM is broken and you will be paying for nothing. Advice: You and Tom plan a nice day out for just the two of you and don't give your entitled, ahole sister a second thought. I wonder if your sister's groom knows what he is getting himself into.
Used_Mark_7911 said:
NTA. If you are paying for most of it your BF gets to attend. That’s it. Sis needs to adjust her expectations of you and life in general.
Level-Tangerine-8172 said:
NTA. Tom is a long term partner, your sister is disrespecting you and him on your dime, that is not okay, and you shouldn't support that, not if you also plan for Tom to be a significant part of your future.
She doesn't like him, so what? Having the person paying for your wedding get to bring their SO trumps a little dislike, which has never even been mentioned in the 5 previous years. Also, why is it always the wronged person who needs to keep the peace? Why is no one advising your sister to invite Tom to keep the peace?
Kat-a-strophy said:
NTA. You are dealing with a bridezilla, there is no way to satisfy her demands. There is no chance for "thank you" afterwards and if anything goes wrong (and it will).
You would be the guilty of premeditated sabotage. It's hard, because it's Your sister, but maybe quitting it entirely is the way to go and the way to save this relationship, because it will get worse.