Woman REFUSES to pay for her wedding portrait; 'My friend purposefully humiliated me!' AITA?

When this woman is annoyed with her wedding portrait, she asks the internet:

"AITA for refusing to pay for a wedding portrait because my friend se%ualized me in it?"

My friend is a painter, I have seen her work and it is beautiful. I asked if she was willing to paint a portrait on me and my husband in our wedding outfits. I thought it would be a good one year anniversary gift. I have seen her work and she can do realist painting of people.

She asked for a reference for this and I gave her a few pictures and gave a 300 deposit. In total we agreed on a total of 700 dollars.

She showed me the painting yesterday, my husband looked great but I looked completely different. In short she se%ualized me and I find it so gross. The painting has me with huge boobs (I don’t really have any, I’m an A cup due to running).

My wedding dress is showing much more skin. She even added a split to my dress to show off more leg. I don’t look like that in any of my photos I gave her. I find it really gross.

I told her I will not be paying her, that she needs to fix it or she can keep it. This caused a huge argument. She thinks I am a jerk for not paying and I pointing out the stuff above.

It is going around with my friends, some think I am being petty and others are standing by me. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

agckm writes:

NTA - as an artist myself I check in about those kinds of modifications along the way, to make sure the client is happy with the progress - deposits are usually non-refundable to cover time and materials but the rest?

Keep it unless she fixes it. She sounds like she got ahead of herself making you look "se%ier" in her eyes, which is in itself a whole thing (make of that what you will but giving her the benefit of the doubt, emphasizing beauty is part of what we do as artists) and is doubling down on her own vision as compared to yours.

As a commission, that's not the way to go at all! Plus, her pride is damaging for your relationship.

I hope she can put her ego aside to give you what you actually want - the only thing difficult about changing a painting is letting go of the attachment to what you've already created - which is a beautiful act of impermanence to actually do! Also, matching colors can be challenging, but there are ways of making it seamless.

jackthewit writes:

I'm going to break with the pack here and say ESH. The only real issue is that there was an agreement to paint something, and neither party was clear about what was desired or what would be delivered. That makes you wrong for not being clear about what you wanted, and her equally wrong for not being clear about what she planned to deliver.

There's no such thing as right or wrong art. Some other person could have absolutely loved this "enhanced" version of themselves. You don't. It's fine to like or hate art, but when commissioning and producing custom art, both sides definitely share in responsibility to communicate what is wanted and what will be delivered.

Imagine some alternate scenarios, where only one party screws up: You ask painter for a portrait that is an exact copy of a single photo, she delivers the se%ualized one, which looks nothing like the requested photo, now she's the AH.

You ask for a "dealers choice" portrait, so she shows you a book of her past work, to ensure you're comfortable. The book shows that every portrait has the woman se%ualized, and she makes it clear that this is her style. You say to proceed anyways, but hate the final product and refuse to pay, now you're the AH.

You ask for a drawn copy before painting, and it looks exactly like the se%ualized copy. You say it looks great. She paints it, and you get mad. You're an AH.

She sends you a drawn copy before painting, but nothing about it is se%ualized. You approve, she paints it, and the finished product looks totally different, now she's the AH.

You ask for a portrait. She gives you a detailed speech about how artistic integrity is everything to her, she won't take any direction or notes on the final product, and she warns you that it may not look like you expect, and you assume the risk.

If you don't like it, you agree to pay anyways, and this is agreed in advance of her starting. She delivers, and you hate it and refuse to pay. Now you're the AH.

What actually happened, is that you both failed to communicate properly, so nobody's happy, and it's both of your fault. ESH

cremaa writes:

NTA. I do a lot of drawings of humans, male and female and otherwise. All genders err on the side of se%y to fantastical in some way when I draw for fun. When I’m drawing something FOR someone, I only do that if that’s what they want.

Otherwise I stick to the instructions and/or references I am given. I would not ever do this to someone’s wedding portraits without being expressly asked to do so