Woman refuses to read ex-friend's essay about 'everything wrong;' AITA?
Talking about feelings with friends can be a complicated and awkward journey, but it's often necessary to build a more stable foundation for the future...
So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she should read an ex-friends 'essay,' the judgmental internet jury was ready for the tale.
AITA for not reading my (ex)friends essay about everything wrong with me?
Recently a friend (32/f) of 9 years who I (27/f) considered one of my good friends texted me completely out of the blue saying that she didn't want to come to my wedding or 'be my friend anymore'.
Some backstory; I knew the friendship was fading but had just assumed we would slowly go our separate ways. Over the past few years I have often gone to her house gto comfort her about everything that went wrong in her life, including things she really had a choice in changing.
(e.g. she didn't couter-offer enough at her job before signing the contract, her new boyfriend snores and then she yells at him, her new eScooter's battery is too heavy to get to her great new job etc.).
In contrast, in the past few years my 2 parents have had 3 cancer diagnoses between them, and my sister died and any time I tried to talk to her about this, she just changed the subject.
Anyway, this all happened three days after coming to my apartment, laughing, chatting, and exchanging gifts and books. When she was at my house, the only moment that seemed to upset her is when I asked her if she wanted to help organize my bachelorette party.
She said she felt she wouldn't do a good job, I said I didn't really care and wasn't sure if I wanted one anyway, and it could just be drinks and a movie at my place (if that), she was a bit cagey bout it but at no point said 'no' (perhaps I could have picked up on this but also I think if you don't want to do something just tell me).
So a few days later I get this long text saying she didn't want to be my friend anymore or come to my wedding. I was obviously upset because any rejection feels like garbage, and I tried to call her to discuss it but she wouldn't pick up.
She said we should take time to 'let it sink in'. I was still upset but just decided to give her some time. After a day or two I realized that anyone who would act like she did with no explanation wasn't someone I wanted to be friends with anyway.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:
StealthPhoenix88 said:
Yeah, you’re NTA. Your friend has ended this and now seems to be telling you you’re the problem? I wouldn’t want to hear it either so you’re completely correct to ask for it not to be sent.
People like that seem to believe they are better than everyone else and are never to blame for anything. In my experience, they usually are the main cause of most issues and actually have a very warped sense of self and the world around them.
tannag said:
NTA. Friends don't need to break up with long dramatic text messages or essays, they can just stop hanging out. She just wants drama, she can go watch Netflix or something instead.
ijust_ate_abee said:
I had a long-term best friend 'break up' with me at the age of 25 by sending me a two page essay. It was intentionally spiteful and full of nasty observations (i.e., I deserved to have acne).
I kept it in the glove box of my car and told myself it was to motivate me to do better as a form of revenge. I didn't really move past it until I threw the letter out.
Please don't read it; some things in it will lurk in your mind. Curiosity isn't always good to satisfy; there is nothing positive to find in her words. Congratulations, and good luck for your upcoming wedding. I hope you have an amazing day.
[deleted] said:
NTA. Who actually wants to read bad stuff about themselves? Absolutely Ridiculous.
Empress_LC said:
NTA. She decided to no longer be friends, ignored you and then wants to list your faults because you should pay attention to her assessment of you?! Nope. You did the right thing. And you blocked her for good measure too. You should block her email as well. And let her on her merry way.
She doesn't sound joyous to be honest and she sounds like she has a lot of personal problems. So do you, but you should be able to share these with friends and not have everything so one sided.
ActingGrad said:
If she doesn't want to be friends, fine, but why should you have to read an essay about it? That's weird AF. She wants to get in some kind of final dig to put you down, and there's no reason to let her do it. Walking away is smart. NTA.
Later the post was updated to include:
5 DAYS LATER - she messages to say she has written an 'essay' on 'all her issues with me' that I 'won't like'. Also that it is too big to send by WhatsApp (frequently used in europe for texting) so she will e-mail it to me (?!?!).
This was accompanied by a lot of smiley emojies and friendly exclamation marks. I told her not so send the essay because I wouldn't read it as I no longer wanted anything to do with her, and I blocked her on Whatsapp.
She then sent me green texts telling me I woulnd't grow if I didn't read this essay and that I was selfish. I then blocked her on everything.
I'm sure I wasn't fully in the right, but the way she dealt with this whole situation seems completely wild to me. AITA for not reading her letter?