Woman refuses to refund friend $600 after she bailed on a group trip for a 'family emergency.' AITA?
"AITA for not refunding my friend $600 after she bailed on our group trip?"
My (19f) friends and I all decided to go on a ski trip for a 12 days over winter break. We found a place to stay and all in all it was around $600 per person for the rental and we decided it was just easiest to have one person (me) put all the money upfront and just everyone pay me back before the actual trip, which everyone did.
In my friend group we have a girl let’s call Sarah. Sarah comes from a comfortable family and was even one of the people who suggested the trip and was one of the leading forces to finding the Air Bnb. Literally in the weeks leading up to the trip we were all fine, sending outfit ideas, restaurants to books etc.
The Tuesday before we left (Saturday) Sarah starts sending texts to the gc like “guys Jacob’s (boyfriend) family is going to xxxxx next week” basically sending us a LOT of details about where his family is going for winter vacation that we didn’t really need to know.
Then on Thursday (again we leave on Saturday) she texts the gc saying how she couldn’t go because she had a family emergency, said her grandma had gotten admitted to the hospital. We were obviously bummed but family comes first and I told her that I would send her the money back that she sent towards the rental.
We go on the trip and everything is ok until one of my friends who has Sarah’s location and sees that she’s in a beach town and we put 2 and 2 together. We spend that night pissed and we call her out the next day where she admits everything.
She had been last minute invited on her boyfriend’s vacation and decided that she wanted to go to that instead but didn’t know how to tell us. We were all obviously hurt and upset that she would choose a boy over us but at the end of the day she’s a 19 year old girl so I guess it’s just immaturity.
The part that I’m wondering if I’m the ahole with is that after finding out that she voluntarily pulled out of the trip, I had told her I wouldn’t be refunding her the $600 she had sent me for the rental.
She pulled out so last minute that we couldn’t find anything cheaper and I said I was ok just wasting that money because again I thought she was having a family emergency.
After finding out that she wouldn’t be getting that back she went insane and started calling me a bad friend and everything. My parents think I should send it back to her but I don’t see why I should, she pulled out because of her boyfriend and expected us to all just absorb the costs?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
umpaloompababy said:
NTA. She voluntarily bailed on the trip and lied to everyone saying that her grandma was in the hospital. She could have told the truth but she may have known she wouldn't get the money back or she'd be judged by all of you.
Either way you paid solely for that bnb expecting everyone would chip in. In this sense you're only expected to pay 600, not 1200 because she lied and went on a different trip instead. The bnb was already paid for and she knew it. If she really is from a comfortable background, she should have no problem paying the 600 for a choice she made.
LawyerDad1981 said:
The only mistake you made was ever offering to refund her the money in the first place. Emergency or not, she pulled out at the very last minute and left everyone else hanging, that's on her.
She should not have been refunded one penny. She should just eat that cost...even if it had been an emergency. It's not your place to fund her emergencies...or her "emergencies." NTA. Oh, and by the way, she's a bad friend and a big big fat liar.
ApprehensiveBook4214 said:
NTA. She lied and got caught. Technically you didn't need to refund even with a family emergency, but I understand doing so (if you can afford it) because they'll most likely have unexpected expenses to cover. That's not what happened. She chose to go on vacation instead.
"Friend I was willing to take a financial hit and refund you when you said you had a family emergency. You lied. You chose to go on vacation with your boyfriend instead. Which is your decision to make. Just like not taking a financial hit due to your decisions is my choice to make. You will not be refunded anything."
Dangerous_End9472 said:
NTA. Why should YOU alone eat $600 because she flaked and lied?
Jocelyn-1973 said:
NTA. I agree with you - reimbursing the money when there is a family emergency was being a good friend. But she was not being a good friend, she ditched you for her boyfriend and lied about it too. She should still pay for her previous commitment and you have no moral obligation to give back the money.
catskilkid said:
NTA. If she was upfront about why she was not going AND you decided it was a valid excuse, that's one thing, BUT she LIED and used deception to get you to offer her money back.
Would she have still gone if you told her at that time there was no refund? NOPE!! If she was honest she would have at least tried to find someone's to go and refund her the 600 or a portion of it. She was a liar and can't bootstrap her lie into making you seem the AH.