'AITA for refusing to move into my boyfriend’s late grandmother’s house?'

"AITA for refusing to move into my boyfriend’s late grandmother’s house?"

My boyfriend (33 m) and I (29 f) have been offered the opportunity to move into his late grandmother’s old home. The home has been in the family for 20 years and was recently paid off, so the monthly “rent” we’d pay to his parents (current owners) would be around $600. Additionally, his parents put a ton of work into the house with new paint, new lighting, baseboards/floorboards, and a few new appliances.

It’s honestly a wonderful opportunity and a huge gift that his parents have given us this option. The house we currently rent is also owned by his parents, but it’s not paid off and they have intentions of renting it to someone else after we leave to get some income for themselves (they spent a lot of money on his grandmother’s medical bills and home after her passing).

At this point, I think it’s important to note that my boyfriend’s grandmother was a heavy smoker and did so in the house for the entirety of her stay there. In addition, my family, including myself, has a history of allergies and have never been smokers. Finally, I also have to mention that I haven’t spent a lot of time in the house other than brief visits with his Grandmother before her passing.

During each those visits, I had a pretty severe allergic reaction in the house but always assumed it was because of the dust and/or animal hair in the house (she had low mobility and two big dogs, so it was difficult for her to maintain the big house alone).

Fast forward to the weekend we’re set to move into the house, I immediately register the smell of stale cigarettes all throughout the house. It’s in every room including the closets and cabinets. Throughout the move, I’m coughing, my chest feels tight, and I have trouble breathing but I chalk it up to a lack of exercise and a busy day of moving.

It’s not until we’re practically settled for the first night in the new house that my body really starts to panic: my ears are popping, my hearts racing, and it’s hard for me to get a breath down.

I end up having to go outside and breathe until my panic attack goes away. This happens a few more times throughout the night and again on the second night before I finally admit to my boyfriend that I can’t stay here.

My boyfriend is concerned for my health, so we’ve temporarily moved back into the old house, but everyone is kind of shell shocked and reeling at what to do. I asked my boyfriend, “if it wasn’t for me, would you live there?” and he said yes. Am I the ahole for refusing to move into the house even though it puts everyone else in a difficult position?

I offered to figure out my own living situation so my boyfriend and our other roommate could move in, but my boyfriend has reservations about us not living together anymore even if it’s only for a year. I feel horrible about this and like I have to come up with a solution.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ejdjd said:

Your boyfriend's parents should have done smoke remediation prior to painting and new flooring. Smoke remediation means the floors, walls, ceilings and any built-ins are professionally cleaned and treated to mitigate the smoke smell.

Standard cleaning and painting over the walls is simply not enough. In one smokers house we redid we had to rip out everything down to the studs and rebuild in order to get the smoke smell out. NTA.

ArreniaQ said:

This is third hand smoke. Do the research. It's serious. Do NOT move in that house. NTA.

kol_al said:

NAH. You and your boyfriend should hire a professional service to deep clean the house -- they kind that some out after a fire or flood.

Dante2377 said:

NTA. I cannot be in a place with that much smoke, even absorbed smoke, for more than an hour or two or i can't breathe properly. This would be a NIGHTMARE to live in. It's not an ah move to want to breathe properly in your own home.

AKIcegirl said:

NTA. As someone who has a similar allergy it sounds like an allergic reaction that was escalating. They can trigger panic attacks. It’s your bodies way of getting your attention. As others have said rent the ozone machine, have carpets cleaned and pain with the killz primer specifically for this. They are going to have to do that unless they want to rent to smokers.

hollyjazzy said:

NTA. Allergic reactions are no joke, and your health would suffer hugely. The house should have been professionally cleaned prior to repainting, and all soft furnishings replaced.

First-Stress-9893 said:

NTA. Your health is non-negotiable and it won’t work for you to live there. You aren’t being malicious. You just had a reaction from your small time there.