Woman refuses to 'share' inheritance from neighbor with her daughter, 'I thought she was alone in the world.' AITA?

"WIBTA if I don't 'share' the inheritance that I received from a friend with her daughter?"

I (F32) recently came into an inheritance when my neighbor and close friend, Valorie (F68), died. I met Valorie when I moved into my condo in 2018 and she became my next door neighbor. Our places are on the top floor and have almost connecting balconies.

We used to spend every Saturday morning outside taking care of our plant babies and chatting. I had learned that Valorie had been a widow since she was 55. I got the impression that she had married young and never had a true chance to learn who she was until after he had died.

I had always thought that Valorie was alone in the world. Turns out that Valorie had had one child, a daughter, Sam (F44). However, they had been estranged since the early 2000's. The story that Valorie told me was that Sam had come out as gay when she was just out of high school. That did not sit well with Garry.

He told Sam that she was no longer his daughter and kicked her out; telling her to never contact them or come home again. The whole situation broke Valorie's heart and it was her biggest regret in life. She told me that she had always wished she had tried to fight for Sam, but in the moment she was so shocked that she watched the whole thing happen without saying a word.

When I had first heard the story about Valorie told me that she hadn't because she didn't know how to even try. So I did some internet sleuthing and found Sam on Facebook. It turns out that Sam had managed to build a good life for herself.

I helped Valorie draft a heartfelt message to Sam. Valorie apologized for everything and told Sam how much her perspectives had changed over the years. Valorie also asked if they could try and build a new relationship. We sent the message and saw that Sam had seen and maybe read the message, but Sam never responded.

About a month ago, I got home from work to find Valorie passed away on her balcony. She had suffered an embolism. I sent the link to her obituary and memorial page to Sam. I didn't see Sam at the funeral. There was a lawyer handling all of Valorie's affairs. I thought that I would simple grieve the loss of my friend and eventually would have a new neighbor.

I never expected me to be the only person who Valorie left in her will. Let alone to have been left everything. A few days ago Sam messaged me. She was upset and demanded that I give her Valorie's things.

Claiming that I took advantage of an old widow. I was upset when I first read Sam's message and thought, "who does she think she is? She hasn't spoken to Valorie in literal decades and never responded when Valorie tried to reach out. Now Valorie is her mother and that entitles her to Valorie's stuff?"

Now I wonder if I should do something for Sam. I go back and forth if Valorie would want me to. Valorie knew where Sam was, so she could have included Sam somehow. The lawyer I talked to said that the inheritance is completely mine and that Sam has no claim, but should I give Sam something?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TheSciFiGuy80 said:

There’s always three sides to every story. Side A, Side B, and the truth in the middle. You don’t know what happened between the two of them, not really. So, I’d be very careful of villifying anyone.

(I had a friend who was kicked out and whose mom cut contact because they came out as gay. Their mom acted like their child was the one who abandoned and mistreated them and played the victim to anyone who would listen). It’s not always so simple when family doesn’t come around.

I don’t think you need to give up any cash. But I WOULD offer her pictures and mementos in the house that she may like. Not everything mind you, but a few things that might remind her of her mom, or pictures that she’d like (if there are any). NTA.

Tall_Support_801 said:

NTA. I found myself in a similar situation year's ago. My then partner of 12 yrs took his life. Unbeknownst to me, I was made his beneficiary to a small insurance settlement. I immediately reached out to his family to get info on his 2 minor daughter's. Was going to give them both some money for college.

Without knowing why I was contacting his family (the mother and his sister), they were horrible to me. Called me every name in the book. They actually had a memorial service for him and "forgot" to tell me.

Nevermind that I supported this man and his daughters financially for year's. After they hung up on me for the 90th time, I'd had enough. I kept every penny. And I still don't feel bad.

Jvzies said:

This is a soft NTA from me. To be clear, Valorie was a bad parent. Even by her own accounting, what she did to Sam was terrible and wrong. She allowed her husband to cut their child off for being gay - or at least didn't fight it - and remained estranged from Sam for decades afterward.

While her husband may be the main villain, Valorie is very far from blameless. Also, who knows what Sam's side of the story looks like? The truth could be even less favorable than how Valorie told it.

Reaching out to Sam with an apology was a nice thing to try, but let's be real, Sam had every reason to rebuff her. A good person who felt truly sorry for what they did to Sam would probably have left a portion (or all) of the estate to her, even if they didn't have much of a relationship.

You are legally and ethically entitled to this inheritance, since you had a relationship with Valorie and it was her express wish that you be given her things upon her passing. I can't call you an ahole for that.

If it were me, though? I would probably be trying to use some of Valorie's legacy to make things right with Sam. This doesn't have to mean giving her everything, but it would certainly extend to giving her any family personal effects that she wants.

For things like money or property without sentimental value, I think it's fair to factor in things like how much Sam (or you) need it. Is there a grandchild who might have college expenses? All that sort of thing.

NandoDeColonoscopy said:

NTA, because you don't know this other person so it isn't on you to fix, but dear lord your friend was an awful mother. She disowned her child for being gay, and the full extent of her trying to make amends was a Facebook message. C'mon.

GForcePi said:

NTA. Valorie included only you in her will, not anyone else . So basically now it's up to you what you want to do with it. The obvious choice should be you call Sam and ask if she wants any personal things that belong to her mother. As per money, I don't think so you should give it to her because Valorie didn't include her in will even if she could. Take legal advice if you need.

Free_Science_1091 said:

NTA you don’t really know what happened years ago, maybe Valorie wasn’t as much an “innocent bystander” as she claims, but you do know what happened once you reached out and the daughter never tried to make contact. You could offer the daughter pictures and other sentimental items, but if she only seems interested in items of value the. You have your answer.

3sidesforeverystory said:

YTA - not for keeping everything in the will but for saying things like “who does she think she is." She’s the abandoned daughter of the woman you thought so highly of… the fact that you are hiding this poor woman more than you ever judged your friend for what she did to her daughter makes you a huge AH.

Capital-Eagle7472 said:

Valerie is TA but having been made aware of the fact that she abandoned her child, the morally correct thing to do would be to give her daughter some of this inheritance (if not all of it).

You didn’t get traumatized by this cowardly woman, spend your formative years in the streets, have to build a life despite this huge trauma to your soul. Money won’t heal the wounds her mother left her with but your recognition of that wounding and her deserving better might help her heal. Ywbta if you gave her nothing.