Woman refuses to shave her legs while home for the holidays, 'My dad is adamant.' AITA?
"AITA for not shaving my legs?"
I’m home for the holidays. I’m 24F, my dad is 58M. I’m leaving tomorrow and we got into a fight. We don’t have the best relationship and fight a lot in general, but I got really emotional. However, my mom took his side so I think that I might be in the wrong on this one.
I’m of Balkan ancestry and shaving my legs is a pain in the ass. I do it regularly in the summer, but in the winter I don’t really do it much. As a result, my legs get hairy af. I don’t really care, for the most part. I understand it’s an unconventional choice but I’m kinda artsy and weird.
My dad is adamant that I shave my legs “to look prettier.” I told him that I’m not trying to look pretty for him and that I’m not trying to impress anyone. He told me that it’s “a hygiene thing,” and compared it to brushing my hair.
He said he’s disappointed in me for “not grooming myself” by shaving my legs, and compared me negatively to other girls in my age range that he knows. He says that I should always want to look “presentable.”
Honestly, I got really emotional and started crying. I told him that it has nothing to do with looking presentable or hygiene, that I’m not trying to impress anyone, and that it was weird for him to be noticing other girls’ appearances like that.
I also told him that I especially don’t want to shave my legs now, because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. My mom says I’m being childish. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
chickadeedeedee_ said:
NTA. Please grow out that leg hair and show up in shorts next time. This misogynistic man needs a reality check. I mostly feel sorry for your mother having to deal with him, too.
strugglebusjon said:
NTA. Does your Dad shave his legs? Some people are so annoying. They can't seem to understand that other people and specifically their children (!!!) are not extensions of themselves. You are an extension of him and so to him, what you do reflects on him and your values and beliefs must conform to his...
But you are your own person. So no you are not an ahole for maintaining your own bodily autonomy as a human being. Dad is being gross. Mom is supporting gross behavior. So what if a lot of women shave their legs? Must you conform?
And if shaving legs is the hygienic thing...(doubt)...please encourage him to appropriately groom himself...he should set a good example, right? If its hygiene, surely men are expected to be hygienic too? Surely he wouldn't be pushing an inconsequential double-standard on his daughter?
Psykillogical said:
NTA, unless he also shaved his legs this has nothing to do with perceptual hygiene. If head hair can exist and be washed every few days, leg hair can also exist and be washed whenever you take a shower (some people can go several days between bathing, some people do it everyday, it’s a personalized thing but the only time bathing is actually a hygiene concern is if the person becomes notably smelly before showering).
But literally just HAVING leg hair? Nothing unhygienic about your natural hair growth pattern. He’s obviously way too far up his own butt with bs he’s absorbed from his culture or family members about female body hair being BAD.
Try to avoid crying in disagreements (I understand it’s not really a choice, but try to remain cold inside), it tends to make people dismiss you when you have legitimate concerns.
And hit him with the questions. Instead of defending yourself, hit him with questions as answers, gets you out of a defensive reactive position and gives you the power back as the onus of answers/defense is pushed back on him.
LilyF*ckingBart said"
NTA. And if it’s a “hygiene issue” why doesn’t HE shave his legs?
skywalker2S said:
NTA, my mom offered to pay for laser hair removal on my legs because they are very hairy as well. I refused because i like my leg hair, and I think it’s hilarious what a fuss it causes by literally doing nothing.
It’s very weird he wants you to look “attractive” to family and the hygiene thing was caused by heavy marketing in WWI and WWII when razors lost their male customers and had to turn somewhere else quickly.
Miserable_Dentist_70 said:
I have not shaved my legs for 40 years. Ask your dad how his leg hair affects his hygiene. NTA. Some people are trapped in convention. This is a him thing, not a you thing.
Heidi739 said:
NTA. It's none of his business! Why does he even look at your legs? There's nothing unhygienic about not shaving, and even if it was, it's your body! Why does he care that you look "pretty"?" That's disgusting. Your body, your choice. Your legs have nothing to do with him, so he should keep his opinions to himself.