My fiancé and I got engaged a few months ago. 2 years into our relationship he said he wanted a prenup. I wasn’t super concerned about the prenup except before that I also paid 3 months of rent for him in our first year together because he was laid off.
He normally makes more and paid more but then got laid off and I covered his portion for those 3 months. I felt it was super unfair that I did that (and he didn’t pay me back) but he expects me to be ok with help not helping me in the future but he explained he just was worried because men get cheated all the time with divorces.
I felt like he just saw me as greedy golddigger even though we are both 6 figure earners. I’m a technical writer and manager and he is a programmer. I was also worried because he was watched a lot of Andrew Tate and other “interesting” stuff and tells me all the time about how guys are getting screwed in dating and relationships.
Btw his parents are happily married, his sister married her college bf and they are going strong and most of his friends are in good relationships. I’m his second relationship and his first relationship is with his high school sweetheart and they broke up because they were living for different colleges.
He has never personally experienced any bad relationships and it seems like all his “women are screwing men” are coming from consuming this content. I’m not against prenups but we are on pretty even levels financially and neither of our families are leaving us anything sizeable.
We also want kids and that means I have to take time off work and he works more hours than me, so I’m doing probably doing more housework and childcare. Even at home now I do more cleaning.
I told him my reasons and he agreed which was about a year ago. But then recently since we got engaged he brought up the topic again and wants me to sign.
I told him again why it wouldn’t make much sense and be unfair to me especially with maternity leave and he got mad and started complaining about men getting screwed in marriage and how 10 years in the future I could cheat and take his money.
I’m pretty shocked and am thinking of ending the engagement but AITA for not wanting to sign the prenup when it seems he thinks I’m going to screw him without one?
He wants 50/50 everything split no joint things unless I paid half in. I said that was extremely unfair as I covered his rent for 3 months and I do more housework. He said that doesn’t count as this was before marriage and I didn’t expect payment. Because I expected he would do the same not well it’s 50/50 now.
I would be ok with everything before marriage is individual. Individual accounts are separate and then everything else is joint. But he thinks that unfair because the “judge” might give me everything in the joint account if we divorce
Personally, his views on women and marriage here would be a red flag. The content you’re talking about is deeply misogynistic at best. If you do a prenup, make sure YOU and your assets are just as protected as his.
Do not sign a prenup. End the engagement, get out before you have children and are tied to this man and his misogynistic views for life.
Why don't you go to a lawyer and draw up a prenup that you consider fair and then present that to him? There's nothing wrong with a prenup, but sometimes there is something wrong with a specific prenup. If it matters to you then don't leave it up to someone else to see to your concerns.
NTA. I'm not concerned about the pre-nup here, but it seems like it's prompted by the Andrew Tate consumption... what's even more alarming is that you say he hasn't even had bad relationships himself and that his opinions seem to be coming from the content.
This means he isn't judging individual women based on reality, he is taking some d's word over his own experience. If he continues to consume this type of content, I predict that it will be very difficult for you to be able to do anything right in his eyes.
NTA, tell him before you consider a prenup, he needs to pay what he owes you. And then make sure you have your own lawyer so he does not try to pull a fast one on you.
He's worried about a prenup and has trouble covering rent? You can see the wacko fingerprints here, can't you? Do you want this person raising a daughter?