Woman refuses to support affair baby sister after she calls her bio dad her 'real dad.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to support my sister after dad told her he regrets being her dad?"
I (28F) have two siblings; Jake (34M) and Donna (32F). When Donna was 10 dad found out mom had cheated on him and Donna was not his child which confirmed this. Our parents divorced but nothing changed with dad and Donna. He still treated her the same. But he also told her if she ever wanted to know her biological father he would love, support and help her in that journey too.
When Donna was 20 she asked dad for help finding her bio father. He paid for the DNA test and other expenses, including travel when she found him. He paid for therapy. He held her hand throughout. He told me and Jake that this changed nothing and he told us to support our sister because he was worried we wouldn't like her finding the guy. Donna chose not to stay in touch with her bio father at that time.
3 years after this Donna started a relationship back up with her biological dad but told nobody for two years. The first we learned about it was when Donna got engaged and she invited the guy to her engagement party. During the engagement party she introduced her biological dad as her "real dad" to people.
Dad took it in stride and said it was sometimes hard to find the words. Donna asked dad if he would pay for her biological father's hotel room for an extra night because he could only afford that one night and she wanted to see him a little longer and dad did this for her.
When she got married she asked dad to pay and he did. Then she had her bio father walk her down the aisle and only mentioned him in her toast. Dad was so heartbroken. She also refused to take a photo with just dad and us, without her real dad in it. Then she got mad that dad asked for it. She called him out for it after the wedding.
Then two years ago she refused to take part in dad's 60th birthday because it wasn't fair to her real dad. She also announced that she was expecting a baby and didn't want to confuse her child about who their grandpa was. So she wasn't going to pretend dad was her dad any longer. She also announced her "real dad" had adopted her so she was no longer legally dad's kid anyway.
She didn't try to include dad in her baby's life at all. But now her "real dad" has let her down and she went crying back to dad and said she wanted him to be in her life again. She wanted him to reassure her that nothing was wrong, etc and dad refused. She told him he shouldn't reject his grandchild and he said he never rejected his grandchild, but she made it clear he didn't have one.
She said it wasn't fair and he promised nothing had changed. He said he wished he hadn't done any of it. He wished he had left her to her real dad since he meant nothing to her clearly. She went to Jake who told her she got what she deserved. Then she turned to me. I didn't say that but I told her I wanted no part of her pity party and would not support her after what she did to dad. She told me we had always been close and it was so cold and cruel to reject supporting her when she needs it most. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ale473 said:
NTA, you should send her this post so she can see just how royaly she has screwed up. If she was 16 -21. I may have given her a pass but she is a grown woman who chose to stomp all over the heart of the one man who has stood by her throughout this whole mess your mother created. Info just as i am curious, what is your mothers reaction to all this?
hy_rf said:
NTA she got what she deserved and idk what people say but I hope she feels the emotional pain she caused to you and your family. I really feel for your dad I can’t imagine how hurt he must be after raising her like his own child DESPITE knowing she wasn’t his child :(
itsminimes said:
Your sister not only betrayed your father in favor of her bio father, she milked him for money first. She is a despicable person. She probably expects an inheritance when your father passes too. NTA.
Jealous_Somewhere_36 said:
NTA. You are clearly NTA here. Some grownups tend to not want to face consequences of the decisions and actions they take. She clearly and over a long period of time and main life events made her choice clear. She didn’t change it until she had no other choice (losing contact with her bio father). I would say she was the A for breaking your dad’s heart, and she’s again the A for involving you when it didn’t work out.
SickPuppy0x2A said:
NTA but I don’t get your sister at all. She must have no empathy at all and I am sorry for everyone who has contact with her. I mean she made some horrible decisions but she could have at least have 1-on-1 talks with your dad to prepare him in advance. Then I still wouldn’t understand why she acted that way but it would have been a little less hurtful. Why did she burn all bridges for no reason at all?
Ghostthroughdays said:
NTA your dad changed nothing. Your sister changed everything and with her changes your dad was forced to change. Your dad was good enough to pay for everything and more but your sister was honouring only her biodad. This entitled attitude your sister had is only working so far and now it simply backfires on her, but she had it coming.