Woman refuses to take fiancé’s kid trick-or-treating, goes to a Halloween party instead. AITA?
"AITA for not taking my fiancé’s kid trick-or-treating and going to a Halloween party instead?"
I (F, 29) is engaged to my fiancé (M, 35) . My fiancé has a 7-year-old son from a previous relationship. His ex got pregnant on their first date accidentally, and they tried to make it work for the sake of the baby. She eventually left him when their son was 2, and I met my fiancé about a year later.
His ex can be very difficult, and my fiancé avoids confrontation because he’s terrified of losing time with his son; she constantly threatens to take him to court again and “make him pay for it.” It took years of court battles for him to even get 50/50 custody.
Anyway, his son (his ex doesn’t like me to refer to him as “step-son” or “son,” only by his first name) was with us last night. He was supposed to go trick-or-treating with his dad. I had a Halloween fundraiser party for work that I had to attend, as I was the emcee, so I couldn’t just cancel last minute.
My coworkers and I were also doing a group costume (Golden Girls – I’m tall, so I was Dorothy), so there was no way to back out. My fiancé texted me saying he had to stay longer at work because his boss required it. I told him I couldn’t take his son trick-or-treating and asked what I should do.
He never replied. I then reached out to his ex, explaining, “I know it’s not your time, but could you do us a huge favor and take him trick-or-treating? I really can’t miss this work event.” She said no, stating, “It’s his time, he should figure something out,” and added that she had plans with her new boyfriend and his kids (9 and 11 year olds) .
Next, I texted my best friend, who has three kids around my fiancé’s son’s age, to see if she could help. Her kids have had playdates with him before when he was with us. She said it wouldn’t be a problem, so she picked him up, and I headed to the party. My fiancé later picked him up from her house, and his son told him he had a great time trick-or-treating with the other kids.
My friend posted a photo of the kids trick-or-treating and tagged me and my fiancé. My fiancé commented, thanking her and her husband for “saving the day.” Meanwhile, my coworkers tagged me in posts from the company event. My fiancé’s ex then lost it.
She posted online, accusing us of being selfish and caring more about work than spending time with his son, claiming that I prioritized “partying and drinking ” over being there for him. She even stole one of my tagged photos, saying that if I cared more about partying than taking care of a child, I wasn’t ready to be a stepmother or mother.
All the comments on her post sided with her, saying I should have canceled because it was “just a party.” My fiancé told me I did the right thing and that we should just ignore her. But was it a selfish move on my part?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Con4America said:
NTA but WHY is she able to see anything from your social media accounts? That is dumb on your part. Block her from everything.
AdWaste3417 said:
You made it possible for this kid to have a fun Halloween with other children he likes! She could have prioritized her own literal son, and you did a better job of caring about his happiness than she did! NTA.
Funny-Wafer1450 said:
NTA. Your figured out a reasonable solution to a problem. His ex doesn't like it because she probably doesn't like anything you do. This is one reason was social media is such a cancer on society.
IamNotTheMama said:
NTA - you have no responsibility for her son, she has made that clear. Fiance is 100% at fault and if he doesn't see that then you have no future with him.
lovepeacefakepiano said:
NTA. Your fiancé dropped the ball, not you. And I wouldn’t engage with her, don’t stoop to her level.
Certain-Medium6567 said:
NTA but why is she seeing your social media and why is she in your business? This is between her and her ex. He had to work, you worked together to find a solution, and all was good. His ex has no say in how you spend your time. She could have spent the time with her own son if she really wanted to.
Fun-Interaction-9006 said:
NTA, you might wanna NOT TEXT her next time. It’s not your job to find him alternative care. Stay out of the son’s plans. Even though this worked out but the mother nitpick every thing you do! Good luck.