Woman refuses to attend brother's wedding, 'he's marrying my ex-boyfriend.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to attend my brother's wedding because he's marrying my ex-boyfriend?"
I (26F) used to date Tom (27M) for three years. We broke up two years ago when Tom came out as gay. It was a tough time for me, but I eventually moved on. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to six months ago, and my brother, James (29M), announces his engagement—to Tom. Apparently, they started seeing each other shortly after Tom and I broke up. When I first heard, I was in shock. I felt a mix of betrayal, hurt, and confusion.
James and Tom are now getting married, and my family is fully supportive. They've always favored James because he's the firstborn son and, frankly, the golden child. I’ve always felt like the second fiddle, and this situation just seems to cement that feeling.
I told my family I wouldn't be attending the wedding. I can't stand the thought of watching my brother marry my ex, someone I once loved deeply. My parents are furious with me, accusing me of being selfish and unsupportive. They say I should be happy for James and that I’m causing unnecessary drama.
James confronted me, saying he loves Tom and that he hopes I can put our past aside for his sake. He claims it's unfair of me to punish him for something beyond his control, but I can't shake the feeling of betrayal. I think it's incredibly insensitive of both him and Tom to expect me to be okay with this.
Now, the entire family is at odds. My parents have threatened to cut me off financially if I don't attend, and some relatives are siding with them. I'm feeling isolated and unsure if I’m handling this correctly.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Appelpie- said:
NTA. This is uncomfortable. They want you there so they can pretend all is well. But if you’ve dated for three years it’s normal that your feelings are complex. Stay away if you want to. Someone dating two siblings sequentially is always awkward.
pancho_2504 said:
This situation was entirely IN their control, they made a series of decisions over and over again, they knew this would hurt you but they didn't and don't care. Why would you want that type of selfish dhead in your life? NTA.
TrustSweet said:
NTA. You would be just as uncomfortable if your sister, Jenny, was marrying your ex-boyfriend.
ZookeepergameWise774 said:
NTA. State, loud and clear, to your parents, the about-to-be-married pair and anyone else who is pushing you to attend, that you will spend the entire day/evening describing the event to everyone you speak to as “your brother marrying your “sloppy seconds."
And that you will be asking your brother (in front of other people) “ hey, does he still do that thing in bed where he…… (insert random thing). Or say. “ Oh, you know what REALLY turns him on?” They want you to attend, you’ll attend. In the spirit and behavior of the traditional wicked fairy. Spreading blessings…. or something.
Josiejoji said:
NTA. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I could never wrap my head around siblings going for their siblings exes. I Don't want this to come out rude but it's honestly disgusting to say the least. Do not let your family make you feel bad about how you feel because you are valid in your feelings towards the situation.
hideme21 said:
NTA. I would feel as though he was dating you just as a cover for to see your brother for your entire relationship. Nothing would convince me otherwise. And I wouldn’t be able to move past that.
Ohnonotuto4 said:
NTA. Talk about a cruel family. Please take a vacation with girlfriends that week. Turn the phone off, before you go block anyone who might attend the wedding. Hugs to ya, your family sucks.