Woman refuses to attend cousin's wedding to cheating ex, 'she betrayed me.' AITA?

"AITA for not wanting to attend my cousin's wedding after she married my ex who cheated on me with her, and now my family is mad at me?"

So, here’s the deal. About three years ago, I (25F) was in a serious relationship with my ex-boyfriend, Jake (27M). We were together for nearly four years, and I genuinely thought he was the one.

We had even talked about getting married. But about a year before we broke up, I noticed that something was off. He was distant, often "busy" with work, and his phone was suddenly a no-go zone.

After a while, I discovered that Jake was cheating on me with my cousin, Sarah (23F). It was a complete shock—Sarah and I were really close growing up, and I couldn't believe she would do something like that. The betrayal from both of them was devastating.

I ended things with Jake immediately, and Sarah and I haven’t spoken since. My family knew about the situation, and while they were supportive of me at first, they didn’t exactly cut Sarah off. They made excuses like, “She’s young and made a mistake,” or “Jake is the one who’s really at fault.”

Fast forward to now—Sarah and Jake are getting married. To say I’m still hurt would be an understatement. My family, however, seems to have completely moved on.

My parents, aunts, uncles, and even my siblings are all excited about the wedding. They keep telling me how I need to “put the past behind me” and “show that I’m the bigger person” by attending the wedding.

I told them I’m not going. I don’t want to sit there and watch the man who broke my heart marry my cousin, who betrayed me. It’s too much. But now my family is furious with me, saying I’m being petty, selfish, and holding onto a grudge. They’ve been sending me guilt-trippy messages about how I’ll regret missing a “family event” and how I need to “grow up.”

They even tried to gaslight me by saying that “it’s not a big deal,” and “people cheat, it happens,” as if I’m overreacting. I’m honestly at my breaking point. Part of me wonders if they’re right and if I should just go to keep the peace, but the other part of me feels like I deserve to protect my own well-being.

So, AITA for not wanting to attend my cousin’s wedding after she married my ex who cheated on me with her? Am I really being as selfish as my family says, or am I justified in not wanting to relive that trauma?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ThirdDay005 said:

NTA. While it’s ok if they moved on, it’s not ok that they think you have to as well. This is crazy that your family is mad that you won’t go. Why do they care so much if you go or not?? They’re friggin nuts. He cheated, she betrayed, why would they want you to live that all over again? Your family are the aholes!

Anisaxxx said:

I would tell all of these people that I hope they get cheated on since ‘It’s not a big deal" and "it just happens," smile and then walk away. NTA.

CakePhool said:

NTA, tell the family, Sure I go but I will give a speech on how the groom and bride met and how their love startad an then see if they want you to go. Or if they force you, give the bloody speech.

Orsombre said:

NTA, and I suggest going NC with your family. As painful as it'll be, it'll be less painful than having people you love pressuring you into accepting to be retraumatized at every family gathering.

Shichimi88 said:

Nta. Book a vacation during that weekend.

Quiet-Hamster6509 said:

You are being the bigger person, removing yourself from a situation that you don't support as well as the ppl. In the future when someone's marriage falls apart from cheating, tell them "you've got to get over it, people cheat, be the bigger person." NTA.