Woman refuses to be a bridesmaids in her brother's wedding; 'I saw the guest list. I'M OUT.' AITA?

When this woman wants to boycott her brother's wedding after she finds out who's not invited, she asks the internet:

"AITA for being the bridesmaid and not going to my brother's wedding?"

My older brother is 25 and is getting married. He asked me to be the maid of honor at the wedding and I accepted, making it clear that he invited me almost a year in advance.

My maternal grandmother is the sweetest and most caring human being I know, but the wedding is only a week away and she still hasn't been invited, so I decided not to go to the wedding if she wasn't invited.

Context: Our mother died 10 years ago (I was 11 at the time and my brother was 15). Since then, we have been distancing ourselves from our maternal family due to lack of time.

However, I have been getting closer to my mother's family for about 2 years now. However, my brother has not had any contact with us for almost 5 years. My grandmother always makes it clear how much she misses him and that she loves him, and that she would like to see him more often.

She also always asks about the wedding (I mentioned to her that he was getting married).

The wedding is in a week and no one from my mother's family has been invited. It is obvious that my grandmother is upset about not having been invited yet and about missing my brother, since her grandchildren remind her of her own daughter who died (my mother).

I announced in the family group that I would not go to the wedding until my grandmother invited me and I told my brother that he was a bad person, he got very angry with me and we fought, he agrees with me that he is wrong, but he does nothing to change. Am I the asshole?

Making it clear that I am Latina and at least in my culture it is a rule to invite ALL your family to weddings and not being invited is an insult, although my brother does not see our maternal family I know he loves them.

Let's see what readers had to say:

applebum writes:

YTA, so much. So to start off, misleading title. You’re not only in the bridal party but you’re the maid of honor.

If your maternal grandmother being invited was a condition for your attendance, then that should made CRYSTAL CLEAR long before you accepted such an important role.

That was almost a year ago, why are you only making this ultimatum just before the wedding?. That’s just a d@ move.

Keep in mind even if you did it earlier my judgement would not change. This is your brother’s wedding and his guest list. Yoh admit most of the family isn’t close with the maternal side, so it’s understandable that they are not invited. You simply don’t get a say.

So yes, YTA. For trying to control the guest list but also to pull this move just before the wedding as maid of honor. The MOH should be supportive of the bride and groom, and it’s clear you never were.

aginh12 writes:

NTA. You've been put in a difficult place. Your brother agrees he's a bad person and isn't willing to make any changes. Also, la familia importa and grandma is the one person he should at least invite. I'm assuming there's no bad blood with grams so shouldn't have to be excluded just because he doesnt want to deal with the rest of mom's side.

I don't deal with my dad's side but then I don't have much to do wtih mom's either. Toda nuestra familia esta desbalagada. So reunions are planned way in advance so everyone can make it and we always enjoy being together. But its not always possible.

Maybe your brother is just that type; the so called outsider. You should talk to him again and try to understand him and ask him to try and understand you and your grams hurt feelings.

anugupt writes:

YTA. Your relationship with your maternal grandmother has nothing to do with your brother. Your grandmother says she wants a relationship with your brother but only tells you this and doesn't reach out to him.

You were invited an entire year ago and given an extremely important role of maid of honour. You accepted this role and were fine with everything until now. You think he is being a bad grandson to your maternal grandmother when he hasn't had any relationship with her in years.

Yet here you are, a sister who is clearly close to him but is now choosing to take a stand just a week before the wedding and shunning her duty. Do you really want to end your relationship with your brother over this?

He has already said that he may be wrong and perhaps wants things to be different. However, a week before the wedding is not a good time to force him to do this. Relationships can't be forced. Let it go. Revisit it in the future. I'm saying this as an Indian who was superbly close to my late maternal grandmother and we have grand weddings with literally every cousin/uncle/aunt invited.

guestoy writes:

This is a tough one, but I lean soft YTA. You’ve been on a journey toward your maternal side of the family that your brother hasn’t joined yet. Your feelings are understandable and valid, but the two things that ultimately decide this for me are:

You can’t tell other people who to invite or what to do at their weddings; it’s entirely up to them and their reasons are their own. You’re free not to go, but this has crossed a threshold into manipulation/leveraging territory where you’re trying to berate him into doing your will.

You called him a “bad person” in the family group chat, and I’m sorry but choosing not to invite a person (for reasons you may not even know and your brother may not be willing to share) to your wedding doesn’t make you a “bad person” unless it’s done to purposefully be hurtful and with no reasonable justification.

I hope your family can heal. I think that will be a lot harder if neither you nor your brother budge from your positions. Best of luck, OP.