Woman ruins stepsister's wedding by dropping out of bridal party; stepdad won't pay.

I dropped out of my stepsisters bridal party and now my stepdad won't pay for her wedding.

Ill-Wear-3488 writes:

I (25f) have a stepsister, Victoria (26), who is marrying her fiancé Jake early next year. Victoria and I have never been close, but we’re civil. Our relationship took dips when we met our respective partners (we both met them through each other, sort of, and there was a lot of kerfuffle each time), but we’ve since repaired that.

That said, I was surprised when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t really want to since I live far away and I’m busy in the couple of months leading up to the wedding, but I was so surprised that she asked and thought maybe she didn’t have anyone else to ask (since she didn’t even seem that pleased about it), so I said yes.

A few days ago, Victoria, her mother, the other bridesmaids, and I went shopping for the bridesmaid dresses. Victoria was awful to me the whole time. She accused me of choosing dresses to try on to spite her and upstage her (I didn’t pick any of the dresses; her mother and MoH did), and every dress I tried on, she nitpicked my appearance in it and made it the reason she didn’t want to pick that dress.

When one of the sales assistants brought out a dress, Victoria started crying, saying she didn’t want to see me in that dress on her wedding day. I was getting a bit fed up, and I was still jetlagged, so I pulled her aside and asked if she’d rather I just not be a bridesmaid. I said I’d be happy to help with planning in any way I could, but I didn’t want her worried or this upset about bridesmaid dresses.

Victoria then snapped that she needed me as a bridesmaid because her dad (my stepdad) and Jake wanted me to be one (apparently for the optics, since Jake’s sister is also a bridesmaid, and we’re both from families who value the “close-knit family” image). Her dad is paying for the wedding.

I just said, "Great, neither of us wanted me to be a bridesmaid, I’m out," and I left. Victoria is now blowing up my phone, begging me to be a bridesmaid again. Her dad is furious with the way she treated me and how she told me about him wanting me to be a bridesmaid and is now being (according to her) very tight on the purse for the wedding.

Apparently, she feels that the extended family will also judge her for not having me as a bridesmaid. I told her I’m not doing it, partly because she was awful to me out of resentment for something I didn’t know about, and partly because I never wanted to do it in the first place. Victoria says this is going to stop her from having her dream wedding.

Do you agree with the top comments?

theitguy1968 says:

NTA (Not the A%#hole). Neither of you actually want you to be a Bridesmaid, and after this I would be suprised if you even want to attend the wedding.

The real AH here is your stepdad. I sort of understand what he was trying to do and wants all parts of the family involved but forcing your Step Sister to ask you and insisting was very wrong. Just tell her you will attend as a guest only.

DerpDevilDD says:

NTA. You should talk to your stepfather and tell him while Victoria acted like a petulant child, he had no right to force her on who is in her wedding. It is your choice whether or not you participate.

Lacroix24601 says:

NTA, Victoria can’t have it both ways. She treats you like garbage bc she doesn’t want you in her wedding due to what appears to be jealousy.

But also treats you like garbage when you don’t participate in lying to strangers (ie : close family BS) while being verbally assaulted. Looks like Victoria f#%ked around and found out.

What do you think? Was OP right to drop out because of her stepsister and stepfather, or should she be a bridesmaid for the sake of her stepsister having her wedding paid for?

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