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Woman refuses to cancel honeymoon despite bizarre incident with BIL. AITA? PLOT TWIST & UPDATE

Woman refuses to cancel honeymoon despite bizarre incident with BIL. AITA? PLOT TWIST & UPDATE


When this woman is freaked out by her BIL before her honeymoon, she asks the internet:

"AITA for not wanting to cancel our honeymoon despite what happened with my brother-in-law?"

My husband (m32) and I (f24) just got married a three weeks ago and we are currently celebrating our honeymoon. The plan was to travel for two months for different countries of Europe, Asia and Africa.

We currently are in Spain and we are supposed to take a plane to Morocco in two days. However my husband wants to cut the trip short and go back to our home now.

The thing is his brother is in a horrible situation, his wife and daughter had a car crash and they're on the hospital. The kid is fine but his wife has to be a little longer in the hospital, that's all I know.

I told my husband that I understand he wants to support his brother but that he's not a doctor so he can't do anything to help really. And his brother's wife is fine, she probably only has a broken leg or something and that's why she needs some more days in the hospital.

I told him to just call his brother and ask to talk with his wife so he can send her his best wishes and that's all that he can do honestly.

His parents and his in laws are helping with the kids so there's really nothing they need help in. I told him our honeymoon was important because it's a time for ourselves to enjoy and spend together.

He wasn't having any of it, he called me selfish and then he kicked me out of our bedroom, I had to ask for a new one until he decided to let me in again.

He told me that he's leaving tomorrow because he needs to be supportive of his brother and told me I can continue the trip by myself. But that's not the point of s honeymoon at all, I told him so and he said that if he would've known how b&chy I was he would've never dated me. Am I really wrong here?

I'm okay, thanks for worrying about me. I'm trying to solve this problem so sorry if I can't reply to the comments. I'll probably make another post when I fix this to let you know how everything went. I'm sorry for being absent so long.

Before we look at OP's update, take a look at some top comments and replies from OP:

Comment 1:

YTA. At least until you find out what exactly is wrong with your SIL. 'She probably only has a broken leg or something...' Why don't you know what else is wrong with your SIL?

OP Replies: My husband doesn't want to tell me more, i can't ask his brother because I don't have his phone number.

Comment 2: INFO: Does your husband not want to tell you more after you told him he shouldn't go home or did he actively keep you in the dark the moment he was told SIL is in hospital?

OP Replies: No he never told me, he said I don't need to know and then I we had the argument. I don't know why he doesn't want to tell me what happened but I think he would tell me if it was a life or death case.

He only told me they had a car accident, they both had to go to the hospital and the kid was going home but his sister in law is not. Then he called his family but he doesn't like me listening to his phone calls with his family and he asked me to leave the room so I couldn't hear anything, he doesn't want to tell me what they talked about

Comment 3: How long have you dated before you married? Does he often keep things from you? Oh you don't need to worry about that, oh you don't need to speak to so and so I'll handle it, that kinda thing?

OP Replies: We dated for six months. Sometimes he shares information with me but sometimes he tells me I won't understand or i don't need to know. He's very private.

Comment 4: Everything you are saying about him are very big red flags. Thats not a normal marriage/relationship.

Comment 5:

OP, would you mind sharing which culture you come from? That might help clear up a WHOLE LOT, particularly if you're from one of the many regions of the world that don't treat their female citizens very well (putting that as diplomatically as I can).

OP Replies: I am from Thailand, my family lives there.

Comment 6: This is why I think the husband's TA. He's married and should prioritize his wife but hasn't informed her of injuries; if SIL is in the hospital as a precaution for a few days or is critical are 2 different situations; kicking wife out of hotel room is egregious behavior, especially on honeymoon. Husband has set a toddleresque tone for the marriage.

Comment 7: Have you considered that maybe the husband doesn't have the clear information on the SIL's condition ? You assume bad intent on his part. We have no proof he knows but is not disclosing.

Comment 8: Or maybe husband did inform the OP of his family's injuries, BUT OP wasn't listening or didn't care enough to remember.

OP Replies: No he didn't told me when I asked, he only told me his sister in law and niece had a car accident. He doesn't allow me in the room when he speaks to his family so really i don't know anything other than what my husband told me.

Comment 9:Your husband seems very secretive and controlling. I was ready to call you TA when you were being dismissive about his sister in law’s condition, but between this and kicking you out of your shared room, I’m getting scared for you.

Comment 10:

You only MET his brother and his wife and daughter at your wedding? How long have you been with your husband? Do you guys live in another country from them?

OP Replies: Yes we only met in the wedding because we had to travel. I have dated with my husband for six months. No, we will live in the America too when we're back from the honeymoon, that's where his brother lives too.

Comment 11: That's pretty insane, someone who is that committed to privacy has no business getting married. I don't know your situation, but if this were happening to me I would suspect he was lying or somehow being disingenuous about something.

OP Replies: He's from a different country than me so he told me this is how relationships work where he's from, men like to be more private so I think it's okay for him to be this way.

Comment 12: I'm sorry but you should tell us the countries you're talking about, because for most Americans and Europeans, this is not a normal behavior and you seem to possibly be in an abusive relationship. And 6 months dating before marriage is very short. And where is your family? What do they say about this?

OP Replies: My husband is American and I'm from Thailand, my family is happy about my marriage but now I'm getting worried because a lot of comments told me my husband is lying, I will call my father and tell him this

Comment 13: My friend, do you have a way to leave and go back to your home country safely? There is nothing good for you in this marriage. There is only abuse and pain and isolation.

Comment 14:Make sure you get hands on your passport, even if you must leave everything else behind.

OP Replies: I called my father, he told me to grab my passport and some money then he told me to confront my husband about this doubts I have.

He told that if I feel like he's still lying or my husband doesn't want to answer or things get bad then I should rent another room and he will fly to pick me up in a day or two. Thank you for your concern because I genuinely didn't know this was not normal in America and my father or family either.

Comment 15: If this is a real OP, go get another room now after you get your stuff, and stay there until your dad gets there. DO NOT LEAVE THE ROOM. DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND IN. This is not what they do in America. He is lying to you, and he is abusive.

Comment 16: Oh good! I’m so glad your dad is coming! I think we’re all worried for you now - nothing you’re describing sounds normal or safe. One thing tho: get your passport, but DO NOT confront your husband until your dad gets there. Seriously, please don’t confront him alone.

Idk what’s going on, but it sounds really sketchy. If you can, let the staff know you’re in danger and see if they can get you another room and absolutely not tell your husband. Edit: sorry - I misread your last comment.

If I were you, I’d ask your dad to come now. Don’t confront your husband alone. Something weird is going on and I’m worried if you tell him you’re leaving, he’ll lash out.

OP Replies: My dad can't come now because he needs to gather the money to the plane ticket. I want to know what my husband has to say now that I know he's lying, my dad thinks that's a good idea because we're in a hotel so he can't do anything bad here right? We want to know why he lied.

Comment 17: OP, how are you doing? Also, this is called a loverboy scheme, where he'll pretend to be in love with you to get you alone. Will take your passport and then traffic you.

OP Replies: I'm okay, I'm still in the hotel. I'm talking with my dad. I'll probably make another post when I know for sure what I have to do and when my dad can travel. So sorry for not replying earlier.

falgiy writes:

Her husband will not tell her what his SILs condition is as ' she doesn't need to know ' He kicked her out of the hotel room when she was trying to discuss the situation with him.

OPs husband had decided he would be cutting the trip short and is refusing to discuss this or even tell OPs what it is that has happened to SIL. He has instead told her he'd never would have dated her if he knew she was so ' b&chy '

I'm sorry but it's red flags everywhere for me. Of course, if we are on a trip and you tell me there has been an accident, a family member is at deaths door, we are flying home. No question about it.

But in this case, husband is being vague, telling OP she needs to know nothing and he made the decision for them.

Her comment about the husband not being able to do much isn't wrong - if the wife is otherwise okay and not suffered anything life threatening, he should have at least discussed this with her, not make that call for them both. This does not bode well for the rest of their married life, at all. NTA.

jjelly writes:

ESH. You sound like you’ve made a lot of assumptions about what happened and how everyone is doing (“probably only a broken leg or something”) and it sounds like you’ve done a piss poor job empathizing with your husband and what is now your extended family.

It’s impossible to tell more from this post if you should or shouldn’t go home. You need to get to the bottom of why your husband feels this way, what he thinks he will able to do to help his family, and come to a decision as a couple.

Your husband kicking out of the room, to the extent that he locked you out and you had to get another room? WTF is that? You sound like a pair of dramatic teenagers. You both need to learn to communicate and cut the dramatics.

Couples therapy would likely be more valuable than helping his family who already has a lot of support AND more important than a 2 month honeymoon.

ETA: at this point OP needs to drastically edit her OP. If her additional comments about her husband are true, this is a very different scenario than originally stated. I’m now somewhat skeptical of everything.

Who leaves out that their husband is actively hiding info from them and acting somewhat unhinged, and why would you want to continue on a honeymoon with this person?

daghdsiou writes:

EDIT: I take it all back. This is completely a NTA situation. OP just replied that her husband is REFUSING to disclose the condition of his SIL because OP "doesn't need to know and he doesn't want to discuss it with her".

Yeah, now I know why a 30-year-old married someone in their early 20s, much easier to control. No woman his age would put up with that bullshit.

EDIT 2: OP has just said that her husband doesn’t “allow” her to be in the room when he calls his family to get updates, so doesn’t even know anything beyond “SIL and niece where in a car accident”. Absolutely unhinged behavior from this guy.

Honestly, this is kinda his fault for marrying a 24 year old. Sorry, but I’m the age of OP’s husband and my friend’s little sister is OP’s age, and the maturity gap is huge! 8 year age gap between 20s and 30s is really big.

I’m 0% shocked that OP lacks the maturity, sensitivity and emotional intelligence to understand that her husband wants to come home bc she’s too focused on wanting to have her own fun.

Unfortunately loads of ppl in their early 20s are very self centered - that typically improves with age. If they’ve been together for a couple of years, that means he dated a 21, 22 yo when he was 30 already.

ESH, especially since he kicked her out of the hotel room and is withholding information about the status of his family from her. OP’s said repeatedly that he’s not being forthcoming about the injuries his SIL suffered.

That’s fd up and weird. OP, time to grow up, but hey. He knew what he was getting into dating someone so freaking young in a completely different life stage than him.

Addendum: feel free to stop wasting your time and breath defending age gaps, I ain’t reading none of that. I do not care about your wrong opinions, ESPECIALLY in this particular post, I said what I said and I stand by it

tourcommer writes:

Why is everyone ignoring the fact that the husband is refusing to give her any info other than "they're fine but SIL has to stay in the hospital". Her husband is refusing to share important information. I can't imagine a reason for not giving your wife a proper update on injured family.

I'm more concerned with his behavior than OP's. OP think real hard about staying with someone who refuses to share information that would absolutely typically be shared with a spouse. The way he treated you when you didn't want to go along with his unilateral decision is highly concerning. NTA.

shotartichokeee writes:

After reading the comments with more information, I say NTA. I also say, get out - now. End this honeymoon and go home - to your own family and friends. There are so many red flags in this relationship that it is hard to know where to start.

First - You have a disagreement and HE KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND YOU HAD TO RENT ANOTHER ROOM. He is controlling, abusive, and apparently has no regard for your personal safety.

No matter how mad a spouse gets, he or she should NEVER (ever ever ever) do anything to put the other spouse at risk - ever. This is a do-not-pass go moment. Anyone who does this to you has no business being in your life. Period.

Second - The first major issue you have in your marriage and he tells you that if he had really known you, he wouldn't have even dated you. Nice. You've been married 3 weeks and this is how your new husband is treating you - on your honeymoon. It's only going to get worse. Perhaps there is a silver lining here though - you can clearly see his character early enough in the marriage to walk away cleanly.

Third - He with holds information from you, telling you that you wouldn't understand, don't need to know, etc. Again, controlling - and condescending. This is not how a person treats their life partner.

Not just your SIL's condition, but information in general. You said he is a private person - but this is not private, this is controlling. And you have no way to contact your in-laws directly? Not good. Abusive people often control the flow of information to maintain control - keep the people they abuse in the dark, cut them off from others.

Fourth - He makes unilateral decisions about things that affect both of you - and will not accept any discussion or input from you. Again - controlling and not the behavior of a good partner.

And now, OP's update:

I'm okay! Thanks for worrying and I'm sorry for not replying yesterday. My husband is gone and I'm waiting for my dad, I wrote an update to explain it better and the mods are checking if it's okay. I'll be home soon!

Some people offered to send me money and I have replied to some of the messages, thanks a lot, but it's not necessary. I have money and the ticket home already. Thank you all for being such kind souls, I don't know what would've happened to me without your help here.

Sources: Reddit
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