"AITA for not supporting my sister in having a baby?"
My (F32) sister Emma (F29) has always wanted to have kids and be a SAHM. Thats literally all she dreamed about, a big wedding, house, kids. I have a very different idea of life in the opposite direction. As in career and childfree.
Let me be clear. I am not ditching her choice. Every person has right to their own choices. But I do not think forcing other people to bear brunt of your choices is good.
To get to the story, our parents spend a fortune on my sister's wedding. She got married around 5 years ago. They have trouble concieving and have already gone through two sets of IVF. It is sad.
Our parents don't have any money to help them and neither does BILs family. From what I know, they don't have savings, are renting and have not paid off their student loans.
Few weeks ago they asked if I could help them. I said no. They asked why. I just said my answer is no. I am sorry for them, but I won't give them money.
They kept pushing about it. Saying how I go on exotic vacations and own a house already. I do. I worked hard in college with full scholarship and immediately got a well paying job. I lived within my means and saved up to buy my own house. Its not much, just a 2BHK apartment. But to me it's great.
I said my financial status is none of their business. If they want to have a family, they need to be able to afford it themselves. Not ask me. My sister got mad at me saying I am refusing to help her because I hate children.
I am punishing her for her choices. I said I am doing no such thing. She is entitled to her choices. But I am not obliged to fund her.
She is really mad at me for not helping and my parents are asking me too. They are saying no matter my choices, I should support my sister since I can. I am still not on board since I believe only people who can afford kids should have them.
And that I shouldn't have to pay for her choices. My sister, her husband and his family are calling me AH.
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this:
Chaoticgood790 said:
IVF is five figures minimum. You are not required to fund that for anyone. Also how are they going to afford a kid then? NTA.
Dipsh%tistan said:
NTA. You are not, in any universe, responsible for your sister’s fertility issues.
Electronic_Fox_6383 said:
Tell your sister that her choices are hers to fund alone. If she can't see the sense in that, ask her to pay for your next exotic vacation and see how quickly that conversation gets shut down. Money does not make for healthy relationships. Stand firm. NTA.
Kattymcnugget said:
NTA. She’s a grown woman in a marriage. It is her and her husbands responsibility to handle that on their own. I have hit rough patches and my brother has loaned me small amounts which I always pay back. That’s one thing.
She’s asking you to fund something very expensive but even as expensive as IVF is, having kids is even more expensive. They need to be able to support THEIR family. Not your job at all.
Aggressive-Peace-698 said:
NTA. Your sister is for trying to emotionally blackmail you and attack you for your own choices. Don't let her. She is an adult who has chosen to be a housewife, not work, rely on her husband to support her.
You do not owe her a thing. It is not your fault that the your sister and BIL do not have the means, which should tell them that they both should work for what they want, instead of expecting handouts.
Even if they are successful, it sounds like their finances are stretched and they won't even be able to afford to raise any future child without getting out the begging bowl. Tell her to get a job.