Woman calls her children's racist bullying "harmless pranks" then plays victim when her brown niece refuses to visit.
I (40f) am South Asian, and my husband "Luke" (42m) and the rest of his family are white.
throwrabindibag writes:
We have a beautiful daughter, "Amara" (14f), who decided to start wearing bindis in day-to-day life two months ago.
(Before anyone asks, no, I didn't pressure her into this decision. It was entirely her choice, and I don't even wear bindis daily.) I helped her buy a bindi bag, and Amara has carried it with her whenever she's away from home for more than a day.
Last weekend, I allowed Amara to visit my sister-in-law, "Bree" (45f), who has two kids, "Danielle" (15f) and "Chase" (13m). On Saturday afternoon, Amara called me in tears, explaining that Danielle and Chase had been teasing her about the "dots" on her forehead since Friday.
That morning, Danielle and Chase had taken the bag from Amara's room and tossed it into the pool as a "prank." Unfortunately, it sank to the bottom, and as Amara can't swim, she couldn't retrieve it.
Amara informed Bree about the incident, but to my disappointment, Bree sided with Danielle and Chase, dismissing it as kids being kids and insisting that they did Amara a favor with the prank.
I comforted my daughter over the phone and promptly went to pick her up when she expressed her desire to leave Bree's house.
After helping Amara put her bag in the trunk, I confronted Bree to confirm the story. She not only confirmed it but strongly defended her position.
Upon returning home, I shared the incident with Luke, who suggested that Amara shouldn't go to Bree's house until there's an apology for saying the kids did Amara a favor and an apology from the kids for the incident itself. I agreed, but before finalizing the decision, I made sure Amara was comfortable with it. She affirmed that she didn't want to see her cousins or aunt anyway.
I texted Bree, explaining that Amara wouldn't be visiting until there were apologies. Bree responded, claiming it was unfair and that I was punishing her and her kids over a harmless prank. I reiterated that a simple apology for my daughter was all I wanted.
Bree didn't respond, but my mother-in-law called, criticizing me for not letting Bree see her niece and insisting that both Amara and I should move past the incident. Despite explaining that Amara doesn't want to be around Bree or her kids, my mother-in-law continues to text, but Luke supports my decision.
Here are the top comments from the post:
coastalkid92 says:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). First of all, since when was Bree and her children "owed" a relationship with your child. Right now, Amara doesn't want to see them because they have hurt her.
Secondly, kids will be kids extends to maybe doing something dumb when they're 5 and colour on the crisp, white wall. These are teenagers who are fully aware that they're making racially insensitive comments. Their auntie and cousin have south asian heritage and rather than be curious and celebrate the diversity in their extended family, they're calling it weird.
Third and finally, even if we take away the racial connotations of what they did (which is a big factor), they still ruined something of your daughter's and they're old enough to know better and should have to replace it and apologize.
I would divert MIL's attentions to your husband and let him handle his family. And in the meantime, keep supporting Amara for being proud of her heritage. Bindis are beautiful and if she is stoked to wear one daily, then let her light shine bright.
DragonflyOk9277 says:
NTA, good for sticking up for your kid. Your MIL is enabling racist bullying. On a different note, it would be good to teach Amara to swim. It's a good life skill to have.
Ace_boy08 says:
NTA Luke needs to handle his mother and sister. That's his side of the family. He needs to handle the racists. This would be my hill to die on.
Also, your daughter is 15, and she needs to learn how to swim. Where im from, every child is taught to swim from a young age. It's an important life skill to have if you have access to this.
MangoSaintJuice says:
NTA your SIL gave her kids a pass for stealing and damaging property make sure your MIL knows that and give them all (MIL, SIL and her kids) consequences if they don't apologize like visiting them or inviting them to your place. Kudos to you and your husband for sticking up to your kid.
What do you think? Is OP right to ask for an apology?