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Woman refuses to let sister have custody of her kid to couch surf with her 'weird' BF, kid says, "I want to be with my mom".

Woman refuses to let sister have custody of her kid to couch surf with her 'weird' BF, kid says, "I want to be with my mom".


Woman refuses to give sister custody of her daughter.

TikiTimeTia writes:

My name is Tia, 32, and my sister Laila, 30, were in and out of foster care growing up. Laila got pregnant at 17 and went to prison at 18 for robbery with her boyfriend. Because I was 19, I was legally allowed to take custody of my niece, Ash.

The whole time my sister was in prison, I would visit her and let my niece go as well, so she could try to build a connection with her mom. But as the years went by, Ash started calling me mom and called my sister Lai because I was the one that was there day to day taking care of her.

Fast forward to 2020, and Laila gets out of prison early due to good behavior and the state trying to reduce the prison population due to Covid-19. Laila is 27 at this time, and Ash is 10. By now, I have gone to school, gotten a stable job, bought a house, and feel I am doing well for myself and Ash. So, of course, Laila is paroled to come live with me.

At first, everything is good. We all start getting acquainted and used to each other. Lai is trying to figure out life as an adult in the free world, and of course, I am trying to help her as well. After about a year, Lai has really started influencing Ash in a negative way.

Prior to her coming home, Ash was a straight-A student, very well-mannered, involved in school dance and cheer, and making strides towards a positive entry to middle school. Now, my sweetie is rude, flunking most of her classes, cursing, and talking back to me, and Lai just laughs it off.

I feel like I’m raising two teenagers at that point. Lai stays gone a lot, trying to invite strange and crazy people over to my home, etc. I had enough. She wouldn’t work, wouldn’t help around the house, nothing.

Now, in 2023, Lai finally has a job at Burger King and has a crazy weird boyfriend. A few weeks ago, she says she’s moving in with her boyfriend. I told her okay, good luck. Then she says she’s taking Ash with her.

Oh HELL NO. I’m her parent. I will gladly allow visitation, but you are not taking this child out of my home to go couch surfing with you and your stupid boyfriend. Mind you, Lai is still on parole until 2026.

Ash walked in on us arguing and says she wants to go with her mom. I explained to her that I have custody and that she cannot go with her. She cried and stomped out of the room. My sister then yells at me and says I’m a horrible person for splitting up her and her child.

First of all, I have given up my entire young adult years to raise this child. I gave up a world travel fellowship, a relationship, etc., just to be here for this child so she would never have to go through what my sister and I did in the foster care system. I am all for letting them visit each other, but I’m not letting her leave.

Ash is now 13 and feels she’s entitled to make her own decisions. But I know how her mom is. It’ll be a disappointment going to live with her. I’ve given her such a stable life, and my sister has ruined most of it in less than three years. AITA?

Here are the top comments from the post:

trinabillibob says:

You should have kicked her out ages ago. And no you are not the a%@hole, mom isn't even stable. And I know something about how you feel as I has parental rights over my neice and she lived with me for 12 years. NTA (Not the A%#hole).

Very-last-boyscout says:

NTA. Let your sister try to get custody. With her record, that will be an uphill battle. And soon she will loose interest anyway. The hardest part will be: "Ash is now 13 and feels she’s is entitled to make her own decisions." At 13, a kid is entitled to be heard. But decisions are still up to the parents. That means you.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is, sometimes you can't give your children what they WANT, instead you have to give them what they NEED. And they don't know the difference yet. But parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint. In time, she will see.

Comfortable-Focus123 says:

NTA - Your only mistake was letting Laila stay in your house as soon as you noticed ash was going down the wrong path. I get it - family. Hopefully, Ash will realize her mother is a terrible influence. Good luck, OP.

max100 says:

NTA. You gave the kid a stable household and now hold parental rights. Once she turns 18, you can tell Ash she can do what she wants. She can visit her bio mom as much as she wants, but you need to continue to raise her yourself.

AlternativeDurian852 says:

NTA, but if I were you, I’d cut your sister out entirely, even with just visitation she’ll be whispering bullsh%t into that kiddo’s ear.

bkwormtricia says:

NTA, but Your mistake was not setting hard boundaries with your sister. She should have been told that she had to get a job and keep it and pay her share of the costs - food, electricity. And buy her own clothes and such.

Or she got kicked out. Instead, she got to show Ash that you could be a bum and live off others with few consequences. Do not ever let your sister move back in. Let Ash see what her mom leading that life leads to - perhaps Ash can be gotten back on track.

What do you think? Is OP wrong to not give her sister custody?

Sources: Reddit
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