I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for 5 months. His friend is getting married and my boyfriend was invited to the wedding with a +1.
I have only met the couple maybe once or twice and have had no real conversations with them. They have never showed interest in getting to know me although I have tried. So they are practically strangers to me.
The wedding is a couple states away from us. A group of my boyfriend’s friends, who are also in different states, got an Airbnb to split to attend the wedding, which I was not included in the planning of place or the cost of the house.
The house was chosen and paid for before I was asked to come. The split for everyone would be ~$475. Everyone was already expecting to pay $475, me out of the picture.
When I was asked to attend they decided it should be $400 and everyone pay that. So if I were to come I would knock $75 off of everyone’s part. I was not part of any decision making. I would have gotten a much cheaper hotel room with just my boyfriend.
My boyfriend asked me to be his +1 but I would have to take off two days of work and pay $400, as my part of the Airbnb, because my boyfriend’s friend group decided to split it evenly between all people.
My thought, which is a metaphor, is it that every invitee was getting a piece of the pie, but my boyfriend and I are sharing a piece of pie.
I told my boyfriend that I shouldn’t have to pay $400 to watch strangers get married. Especially when every moment is going to be taken up by wedding weekend activities so this was no vacation.
I asked him to talk about the costs with his friends and their thoughts about the situation. Him and all of his friends berated me saying that I needed to pay my fair share and calling me stupid for even suggesting I didn’t pay the full share.
I am 5 years younger than everyone in that friend group and not able to just throw money around for trips like this. I brought up the point that if I didn’t go that no one except my boyfriend would notice and they would have to split the additional cost amongst them anyways.
Not to mention I wouldn’t be taking up additional space because I was going to be sharing a room with my boyfriend.
If it was pay by bed then it would be a conversation with just my boyfriend but when it’s pay equally when I was never even involved in the decision is where I was asking for adjustments.
I am not asking the friends to foot the bill for anything, I am asking my boyfriend to talk to his friends about keeping the original split. I would work out costs or anything else with just my boyfriend. So AITA for not wanting to pay a full price to be a +1?
But you ARE going. So they should all be paying a reduced amount. Your boyfriend agreed to pay your portion. Again, YOU aren't paying, but you've inserted yourself into something and caused a fight.
Geowoman2021 OP responded:
I’m sorry I worded that wrong. They were all going to pay $475 without me there. My boyfriend agreed with only me that he would the share they were asking for me. That would cause him to pay $800 which I thought was ridiculous. I was asking him to bring up to his friends to keep the original split.
So the friends are still assuming I am going to pay a full split even though I’m sharing a room with my boyfriend. Im not saying I would pay nothing but $400 is a lot of money for a bed to sleep in. If I chose to split the cost of the room with my boyfriend was a different conversation.
That's the thing. Bf offered to pay for her but she refused it saying that he and his friends should split her share.
Geowoman2021 OP responded:
No no. My suggestion was that they keep the original split and then I split with my boyfriend. I didn’t refuse trying to make his friends pay for me. They got the house and paid for it before I was even asked to go. My boyfriend really wanted me to go so he said he would pay the $800 and we could work something out.
$800 is way too much for a person to spend so said he should talk to his friends about the original cost and then I work out that price with my boyfriend. I would not be staying there for free or expected the friends to cover my share or split it. The Airbnb cost was factored without me and the friends were expected to pay $475.
rbrancher2 said:
YWBTA if you went and didn't pay. Look, if you go, you pay. If you don't want to pay, don't go. It's pretty simple, really.
jrm1102 said:
YTA - If you don’t want to go, don’t pay. If you don’t care about the couple, don’t go. If you can’t afford it, don’t go.
I disagree. She can go or not go. She was given the terms and in another comment says it would only cost everyone else 70$ each. Op is very entitled, controlling and dramatic. Five months isn't long enough to expect more than a plus 1 on an invite. If you attend, you share costs.
However, clearly the boyfriend is also not great with money and kind of inconsiderate. $400 for 2 nights per person is insane. That would be my sign to leave the relationship because our ideas about money are likely vastly different.
YTA, stop trying to control and dictate everything and everyone else. You control your actions and choices, not everyone else.
Woah I wasn’t trying to control anyone. I just asked if I was an asshole for a conversation to be had between my boyfriend and his friends on cost. My boyfriend was pushing me to go so I was trying to find a compromise. Also I think someone struggling with money is kinda the opposite of entitled when it comes to money.
As far as thinking I’m owed something that’s incorrect as well. My simple AITA is for suggesting a conversation was had. My boyfriend wanted me to go so bad that he was willing to pay $800 for both of us.
So I asked him to talk to his friends about the cost seeing as if I didn’t go no one would care except my boyfriend. I thought it was ridiculous for him to have to pay $800 for a wedding weekend.
Boring-Magazine-1821 said:
YTA. Why should your bf’s friends pay for you? It’s not paying for the wedding but personal travel costs to enjoy the event. But if you can’t afford it your bf is also in the wrong for not caring about it enough.
baobab77 said:
YTA. You should have never had your bf reach out to his friends about covering your cost. It comes off as juvenile and entitled.
Your boyfriend should have never agreed to the costs without making sure that he can cover them or that you would be ok with them. If you can't afford it or simply don't want to spend your money like this, skip the wedding.
Dilv1sh said:
YTA - You seem to be overthinking the +1 and are rather entitled. If you don't want to go, don't go. But be ready to be returned the favour when any of your friends get married.