Woman refuses to spend her own money on sister's 'stupid' baby shower; AITA?

Baby showers are often fancy excuses to beg your friends and family to buy you presents or write you a check, but that doesn't mean you can't sip a mimosa and mind your own business at the flower-adorned brunch if you have to attend one...

So, when conflicted sister decided to vent to Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her sister expecting her to pay for her baby shower, people were ready to dive in.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not wanting to spend my own money on my sister’s baby shower?

My (24F) Sister (28F) is pregnant with her first child with her husband. Without even consulting me or anyone, almost immediately after she told us she was pregnant she basically started planning her own baby shower.

Invitations, venue, theme, guest list, everything. Ok cool she’s excited it makes sense, I guess.

I am not very familiar with baby showers as I’ve never been to one let alone thrown one. My mom reached out to me saying “Just so you know, your sister is expecting you to throw this shower for her.”

Hmmmm ok. Sister never even asked me. But I figured it was the right thing to do to reach out to her and let her know I’d be happy to help her with planning, sending invites, etc.

But she is planning basically everything herself, but sending me links to stuff saying “here’s the venue let me know when you book it!” Or “here’s the exact invitations I want let me know when you order them!”

Like Jesus H. Christ, that’s tacky and entitled AF to me. SHE chose to have sex and get pregnant, why on Earth should the responsibility to pay for everything fall on anyone but her and her husband???

I'm happy to help plan it but I told my mom I won’t be paying for anything other than a gift. My mom said that’s rude and as her only sister I should help out (my mom will be helping pay for the shower as well which I also don’t agree with).

I do make slightly more money than my sister (but with her and husband’s income combined they make a little more than me) but unless I was crazy rich I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone else to cover these costs.

Especially because I think a baby shower is stupid in the first place, like just send out an announcement and people will send gifts if they want to.

I think expecting people to travel from out of state just to give you a gift in person all because you had sex (!!!!!) is insane.

But people can do what they want so in that aspect I’ve kept my mouth shut. AITA if I refuse to spend my own money on this baby shower?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

Historical-Hospital3 said:

NTA. Hosting a baby shower should be something you offer, not something asked of you. Also, a venue?! That’s just absurd.

Careless_League_9494 said:

NTA. Speaking as someone who has had three baby showers myself, and thrown seven, it is super weird, and entitled that she is trying to force you to spend money on this while she's basically planning it herself.

Honestly I'd be telling her that if she wants you to plan it, it's going to be in a family member's home, and the invitations are going to be via email. If she wants to plan it, and have all this expensive stuff, then she can pay for it.

coffeemom23 said:

NTA, your sister sounds extremely entitled. Hosting and paying for a baby shower is something it's nice to offer to do for an expectant mother, it's not something the mom-to-be gets to demand of anyone else.

That said, I'm wondering if your mom put the idea in her head? It sounds like your mom's the one pressuring you to do this, it's possible she gave your sister the impression you offered.

VictorianPlatypus said:

Baby showers are typically not paid for by the guest of honor. However, they are also typically paid for voluntarily, so NTA.

gramsknows said:

NTA I think paying/throwing a shower should be asked or you should ask to pay. Not told to do so. What your sister is doing is tacky.

Extra-Visit-8385 said:

ESH. Your sister for being presumptuous. And you and your mom for not communicating. Here’s the deal, it is not appropriate for someone to hold their own baby shower.

The idea is actually to be “showering” the expecting mom with presents and ideally it should not be hosted by a grandparent to be. Could be hosted by a soon to be aunt or, ideally, a friend or cousin (I know, I know, weird etiquette rules from another century).

Totally understand your perspective but I think the issue here is that your mom told you that your sister was expecting you to host and when you told your sister you would help she made the assumption that meant you would be hosting (e.g. paying).

You aren’t an AH for your perspective but your somewhat passive aggressive handling now. You need to nip this in the bud and have a conversation - probably best to do so with your mom since she is the one who started this mess. Hopefully your mom will step up and take control which would be ideal at this point.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly divided here, most people agreed that this sister wouldn't be wrong to refuse to throw the shower as usually family members and friends volunteer for that role. Especially since she intended on getting a gift, her sister is a bit entitled to assume she'll also cover all the other expenses.

Still, her attitude about an exciting time in her own sister and future niece of nephew's life might require a deep family chat at some point. Good luck, everyone!