Woman says she won't take parenting advice from SIL 'who can't hold a job.' AITA?
Parenting isn't easy. Everyone has ideas on what is good and bad for their children. Things like rubbing whiskey on their gums or using a pacifier will cause debate between parents. At the end of the day, listen to experts, and do what you're comfortable with.
On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a woman tells her SIL that she can't give her parenting advice because she's a stay-at-home mom and gives her daughter a pacifier.
She writes:
I (36 F) have a beautiful baby boy (ten months) who was christened last Saturday. My twin and his wife (41 F) flew in for the christening with my nieces (7,5 F). They live in another state, and I paid for their flights because they live with a modest income and she is a stay-at-home mom.
The day before the christening, when they arrived, my son was crying, and we tried his usual self-soothing techniques, but he wouldn’t stop. My SIL said we should give him his pacifier. I told her we don’t use pacifiers, and he’s never tried one.
Over the next few days, it was a similar rodeo. Baby cries, and we would use self-soothing techniques, and SIL would mention how pacifiers would soothe him. Well, after the christening, upon her suggestion once again to give my crying son a pacifier, I snapped.
In a room full of friends and family, I said I would never take parenting advice from a 41-year-old woman who still lives on her parent’s property and cannot hold a job, so she’s a 'stay-at-home mom.' My retired parents have to send money every month to help them make ends meet, and who’s five year old still uses a pacifier to soothe herself and proudly shows them off.
A 5-year-old whose mouth is so jagged and ruined that she and my brother will probably have to ask my husband and me for money for orthodontics care because they can’t afford it. She’s a prime example of what not to do in raising kids.
Well - the room was silent, and she ran off crying, and she and my brother left. They only returned that evening, but neither she nor my brother said anything to me. They left the next day for the airport.
My brother said I had to apologize, and it was unfair of me to throw their finances in their faces. While I apologized for that, I said I would not apologize for telling her the fact about my niece's situation. I told him that on multiple occasions, my husband (a pediatrician) and I had warned them about the adverse effects of a pacifier on a child.
My brother told me to mind my own business, and I said I gladly would as long as his wife minded hers. Now my parents are telling me to apologize again. Naturally, my friends are on my side. So internet, AITA?
The internet has thoughts on parents:
Anti-Charm-Quark says:
You could have said, 'Thank you for the suggestion but we choose not to use pacifiers and I expect you to respect our parenting choices even if you make other choices.' Instead, you dropped a nuclear bomb destroying this woman’s entire life. YTA (You're the A**hole).
Frankly, no apology is ever going to repair that kind of contemptuous string of insults. If you intended to sever that relationship, mission accomplished.
BewBewsBoutique says:
YTA. It’s a f*%king pacifier; you made that an opportunity to get dirty and personal. You went for the jugular over a f*@king pacifier. The criticisms you made do not reflect her parenting. They’re personal.
Yes, a 5-year-old is beyond a pacifier, but no parent is perfect. You aren’t, and plenty of people will pass judgment on you for your choices too. You haven’t described any behavioral issues, just a pacifier and crooked teeth. Your baby doesn’t even have teeth.
So how do her employment status, living situation, and finances affect her parenting choices? Saying that she’s a 'prime example of what not to do in raising kids' based solely on socioeconomic factors is classist as f*ck.
It seems you don’t like this woman and were looking for an excuse to feel justified in making cruel and unnecessary personal insults. You were horrible to them over a tiny comment about a tiny issue. I can’t imagine how nasty you get over actual real s&*t. YTA.
Driftwood256 says:
Umm yeah, giant YTA. Holy sh*t, you went nuclear. There was a better way to handle that, undoubtedly. I googled all the pacifier stuff, and I get your concerns, but it still doesn't excuse your outburst. Wow...