Woman refuses to use 'decent' inheritance for her husband's family, 'I won't disclose the amount.' AITA?
"AITA for not using my inheritance (from my parents) for my husband’s family?"
My husband (52) and myself (50) have been married for 31 years. We purchased his parents farm several years ago and paid for it with a mortgage.
We have since paid that mortgage off. We also built our forever home on the farm and it is also paid for and we raise cattle on the farm. His family is always asking for help. His sisters specifically and a couple of his nephews. For context, we took care of his father, mother, and Down’s syndrome sister when nobody else in his family would take care of them.
We were the only ones of his siblings who still had young children at home but we felt that if we didn’t take care of them the state was going to step in and take them away. In my family you take care of your family so we took them in and never looked back.
However I think his family resented us for this and somehow feels like they are owed something because we own the family farm. And for some reason my husband thinks he has to take care of his other sisters even though there is nothing wrong with them except they have low IQs.
I have inherited a decent amount of money from my parents. My husband doesn’t know the specifics and is upset that I won’t disclose the amount. He doesn’t have access to the account.
He wants me to take some of the money and build a house on our farm (his family farm) for his sisters to live in so they won’t have to pay rent anymore or live in apartments. He wants us to pay their property taxes and insurance because “they won’t be able to afford that” but they can pay their utilities. He doesn’t want to charge them rent.
Why should I use my inheritance that my parents worked their butts off to earn and pass on to me so that my husband’s lazy sisters can sit in a brand new house on their family’s farm and never have to pay property tax or insurance or rent? I feel like this is my money and I shouldn’t have to spend it on his family.
I want to put the majority of it in trust funds to our two children so I can pass it on to them. And to be honest, I am seriously thinking about just taking my inheritance and getting a divorce and living happily ever after. So…AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
beginagain4me said:
NTA. He should be thinking of his children not his siblings. After 31 years I assume there are very good reasons that you are considering divorce.
Actual-Hamster4692 said:
Divorce him, then take your inheritance and your half of the value of the farm and live your best life. He can get a new mortgage to pay you your share, then move his deadbeat sisters into the house, and be their doormat. NTA.
WaryScientist said:
NTA - ask him to use his inheritance money for his sisters…oh, wait, there won’t be any. It seems like he’s taking after the rest of his family and seeing you as his personal piggy bank. Your inheritance is yours. It was left to you for you and whoever YOU choose to use it on.
Shichimi88 said:
Nta. Stand strong. Put the inheritance in a trust for your own kids. Or spend it traveling. Don’t spend it on leeches.
Amazing-Wave4704 said:
Get the divorce. please be sure to take half the farm. This is unreal. NTA.
mathhews95 said:
NTA. But you should correct yourself. It's not his family's or parent's or extended family's farm. It's your and your husband's farm now. You should make that clear to him and to his family.