Stay-at-home wife 'rejects' all of husband's 'gifts,' 'he told me to stop using his paycheck.' AITA?
"AITA? I stopped wearing/using what my husband gave me after he said that it's his money..."
I (26f) had been with my husband (30m) for five years, married three months ago. I'm a housewife and I have a little side job so I can buy what I want, my husband has a high paying job that covers the all the utilities and bills.
Just a little background, after we got married, my husband insisted for me to stop working altogether since his paycheck can cover everything and help us live comfortably so I agreed.
Last Monday when I got home after I bought groceries. He asked how much was it, I told him it's $950 since he has requests and adds to the list. If not, it will be only $850 just like every month.
After that, he got angry at me and told me to stop using his paycheck since it's not my money. I explained to him that I followed the list and got his request. He didn't listen and said that I'm basically throwing it all away. I was taken aback since I only use his money to pay the bills and utilities. I have a side job for my interests and I never ask him something unless I needed it.
I was so angry at his accusation that after that day I began to dig up my old stuff and used it instead and I also stopped wearing or using his gifts. He confronted me and asked why, I only said that I don't feel like throwing his money away, he looked sad and left.
When I told my friends about it, they said that what I did was petty and I should just listen, some of them said that I should be pettier. My parents are reprimanded me for taking things too far. It's been four days now and we haven't talked. I'm starting to think that I really did went too far. Am I the ahole for rejecting his gifts?
EDIT:
Since people are asking about why we spend such amount on groceries every month, I would like to add that we have our weekly dinner with our friends and family, and we're usually the host. My husband likes getting those high-quality products so I can cook those 5 star like dishes for our family and friends. I hope you understand.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Material_Cellist4133 said:
NTA. But you need to find yourself a good job so you don’t go down the path of financial abuse. If he can throw money in your face once, he can do it again.
SpecificHaunting5517 said:
NTA. His comment about "his" money was hurtful, and your reaction wasn’t extreme. You’re justified in feeling upset. A serious conversation about finances and respect is needed.
susanbarron33 said:
NTA. He is trying to manipulate you. Why on earth would you quit your job? Just because his paycheck can cover the bills doesn’t mean anything. You need a life outside the home. You need to start being independent or this marriage will get controlling.
IHaveSomeOpinions09 said:
NTA. You used your household’s money to buy things for the household. What is he even going on about?
BriefHorror said:
NTA go back to work immediately build a savings account and either he goes to therapy and understands that what he did was unacceptable or divorce. I wouldn't trust him after that. It is his paycheck but collectively your money together.
That's how the whole STAW/SAHM thing works. You get 50% of the money that comes into the house. His comment is how financial abuse starts. Stand your ground on this hill idk if its salvageable if this is how he responds.
strangeloop414 said:
NTA - sounds like he likes to have it be HIS money when it's convenient for him to belittle you and have an outlet for whatever negative feelings he has at the moment. Then gives you gifts when it's convenient for him and then its YOUR money too. Hopefully he doesn't escalate the financial control.