Woman rejects HR's request to help male coworker with 'emotional labor.' AITA?

"AITA for not helping my (26F) male coworker (40sM) with 'emotional labor' after HR asked me to?"

I work in a mid-sized tech company (I've worked here for 2 years). I’m in a non-managerial role but have a reputation for being organized and socially aware. Recently, one of my coworkers (Jake) was flagged in a company-wide review as having poor team communication and creating a tense environment. He’s great technically, but it was noticed that people avoid working with him.

After HR did some soft interventions, my manager asked if I could help mentor Jake a little, specifically to “model emotional intelligence” as they said and check in with him like...informally?! to help him be more aware of how he comes off. Basically they want me to do emotional labor for him because I’m good at it.

I said no as I don’t think it’s fair that because I’m a woman and emotionally competent, I should be expected to guide a grown man who makes a lot more than me, can’t read a room and still do my own job. And I don't want to deal alone with his outbursts...I said if he needs coaching, it should come from his manager or an actual coach, not me doing unpaid invisible work.

Now I’m getting a bit of pushback. One colleague said I could have helped make the team better and that, using his words, "this is why women never get promoted, we don’t know to play the game." HR hasn’t said anything officially, but I’m getting weird vibes. AITA for refusing to help?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

WTH_JFG said:

NTA. This is an inappropriate ask. HR should be handling any ongoing employee interaction. It is inappropriate for them to ask you to do this. You may want to start updating your resume and do some networking for a position outside of this company.

MaeSilver909 said:

NTA and it’s inappropriate for HR and any management team member to expect you to coach a colleague who’s in a leadership position. If Jake cannot supervise his team professionally then the company needs to let him go. I would also file a grievance with HR regarding the harassment your coworker is giving you.

datapicardgeordi said:

NTA. Rule number one is never do work you aren’t being paid for. If it isn’t in your written job description it isn’t your job. As for the ahole who made the comment about why women never get promoted, REPORT HIM TO HR. It was a completely inappropriate statement aimed at your credibility and competence. It has no place in a work environment.

blueberryseli said:

NTA. that guy should get coached by HR or get therapy. why would they even think to ask a coworker to deal with his issues?? honestly i would look for another job. seems way too unprofessional.

Otherwise_Degree_729 said:

NTA. That request is so inappropriate and illegal. Coming from HR makes it so much worse. I honestly would start looking for another job.

MusicMaven77 said:

NTA. Please document everything. If things go south you have legal (and possibly financial) recourse. Best of luck!