Woman rejects role of bridesmaid in friend's wedding, 'this is the ONE dress I've always dreamed of.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding after she picked a dress I can’t afford?"

I (27F) was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend Jenna’s (28F) wedding. I was genuinely excited and honored—until we started planning. Jenna picked a very expensive bridesmaid dress: over $450 before alterations, shoes, and accessories. I’m currently working a modest-paying job, have student loans, and recently had an unexpected car repair.

I told Jenna early on that the dress was way out of my budget and asked if there was any flexibility in the choice. I even offered to pay in installments or help her find a similar, more affordable option. She was polite at first but firm: “This is the one I’ve always dreamed of.”

As the deadline to order came closer, I made the tough decision to back out of being a bridesmaid. I told her I’d still love to attend, help where I could, and support her, but I just couldn’t afford the cost without seriously hurting my finances.

She didn’t take it well. She accused me of being a bad friend and said I “must not value our friendship if money is more important than standing by her side.” A few of the other bridesmaids have now started icing me out, and one even said I should’ve just “put it on a credit card like everyone else.”

Now I feel like I’ve lost a close friend and might not even be welcome at the wedding. AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid because of the cost?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

pr0digalnun said:

NTA. She should have bought the dress if it meant that much to her. Anyone who expects you to go into debt for them is not a friend.

DescriptionFew6118 said:

NTA. You can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Odd_Task8211 said:

NTA. She is being very selfish and expecting you to go into debt to give her her fantasy wedding.

JuWoolfie said:

I knew my bridesmaids couldn’t afford the dresses I wanted them to wear. So I bought them the dresses…that person is not your friend.

111matchalover said:

NTA if she wants you to wear a specific dress, she should be the one paying for it.

lurking_mz said:

NTA I can tell I'm getting older because my response would have been "You must not be a very good friend if your "vision" for your wedding is more about what things look like rather than having said friend beside you in any way."

You tried to give options to stay involved but let's be honest, the dress is just the first expense. Alterations, hair, makeup, shoes, and you know she'll demand money for a bridal shower and bachelorette party.

Maybe because I've always been on the lower end of income scales, but weddings have always been more about having a party with good friends versus asthetics for us.

Demons_n_Sunshine said:

NTA - it’s ridiculous to pay that much for a dress…in this economy that you’ll more than likely just wear once and never again.