Woman reports car as stolen to the police after brother on parole 'borrows' it. AITA?
"AITAH for calling the police on my brother for once again taking my car without permission?"
Bit of background. My brother 24, has been helping himself to my (F36) car for almost a year now. I initially lent him the car to drop his girlfriend home a couple times when I was unable to drive her.
But since then he’s been taking it without permission and has brought it back damaged several times and one time left it in a car park where it received a few parking tickets and was broken into. I’ve woken up quite a few mornings and went to go to work, just to find my car is gone.
I have warned my brother many times that if he ever takes it again I would call the cops and report it stolen and press charges. Despite my brother being on parole for drug related offences, this threat has never deterred him.
Well, yesterday I had enough, when I was on my way to work once again and saw my car missing, I reported it stolen. I gave them my brother's name and a photo of him and he was picked up by the cops. He’s probably going back to lockup and a few of my family members are really irate at me for it.
Telling me family should always come first and you don’t do that to family. But the truth is…I am so sick of it. Sick of being a damned doormat to my brother. Sick of my car going missing and coming back damaged.
Sick of fines that aren’t even mine. Sick of always having to buy fuel… which isn’t bloody cheap anymore… sick of people helping themselves to what is mine. Things I earned.
Sorry I’m ranting. I’m a mix of angry and sad. I can’t force my brother to stop. I’ve warned him many times but he won’t. I know I could have just ignored it like always and caught a bus and he wouldn’t be going back to lockup right now. He is devastated.
But I also feel like I needed to back up the threat of reporting it to the cops, even if it really hurts my brother and the members of my family who think I am an a hole for dogging on him. I’m so conflicted. I feel guilty but also like I did the right thing. I’m confused. AITAH? Was it too much?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TwistyHeretic2 said:
Absolutely NTA. In fact, you should have done this quite a while ago. He's on parole and taking your car randomly, bringing it back damaged, and even has abandoned it before ? --- Aw hell no!
What if he's been using YOUR car in the commission of new drug crimes or other sketchy activities. If you hadn't reported it stolen and he got caught in illegal activities, you could have landed in legal trouble for "allowing" him to use your car.
That's not even talking about the risk of losing your car insurance coverage if he got involved in a serious accident. You did the right thing. Tell your crappy family members who are harassing you that if they think his actions are OK, they can provide him with a car to commit crimes in.
Hippy_Dippy_Gypsy said:
NTA - you were TA but only to yourself for not putting a stop to it earlier. And how on earth did he have a key to drive it? Your family are TA’s. They have likely been enabling your brother’s bad behavior since childhood.
Perhaps consider giving them in writing a detailed list of all he has done and the dates you gave him warning that if he did it again you would prosecute. Ask them if you were just suppose to take his abuse forever? And if you are really brave tell them that if they had ever given him boundaries with consequences you wouldn’t be the one having to do so now.
drapehsnormak said:
NTA. Family should always come first? Where was that logic when you needed your car to get to work but he took it? That could have cost you your job. Where was that logic when he got your car broken into and racked up fines that I'm assuming he didn't pay?
dacaur said:
Your family is right, family should come first...That's a two way street. If I have a family member who obviously doesn't follow "family comes first" with me, going to do the same. NTA.
cannab#tch2 said:
NTA- There are few times I wish I would have called the cops on my brother and didnt. If he is anything like mine, he now feels entitled to your property and a conversation wont help. Help him if his life is on the line- otherwise dont, or you'll end up in this situation again.
Medical-Potato5920 said:
NTA. Your brother didn't put family first.