Woman requires sister to sign 'offensive' contract before she gives her money. AITA? UPDATED 2X

When this woman gives a contract to her sister, she asks the internet:

"AITA For Requiring My Sister to Sign A Legally Binding Contract Before I Loan Her Money?"

I (42f) have a successful career and inherited a decent amount of money from my late husband. I'm nowhere close to being a millionaire but it's enough so that, as long as I'm smart with the money, to only work because I want to by the time I hit 45. That's including any college expenses my two children may have in the future so long as they go to a state college.

Family knows that I have money and while I don't mind giving a couple hundred dollars here and there, because I know I most likely won't get it back, I draw the line at anything $400+.

They know this but that still doesn't stop them from trying and I've always stayed firm on this. Well once the pandemic my BIL (35m) lost his job and my sister's (37f) job have reduced her hours until further notice. Two weeks ago I got a call from my mother asking if I could come over. I had no problem with this and swung by the next day and found my sister already there and I could tell she had been crying.

Based on the title you all know where this is going. So with me, her and both our parents there my sister informed me that even though her job was expected to go back to regular work hours in early 2021 there was a rumor that they would also be downsizing. She wasn't sure if her job would be secure and BIL still hasn't found any luck in getting a new job yet.

I knew what they wanted and tried to play dumb at first and offer to help find BIL and my sister jobs. My sister said that that was very generous me and she would take the offer but in the mean time what they really needed was a loan.

My sister asked for at least $40,000 to help with paying off their credit card, manage the mortgage, make payments towards their Student Loans again, and still have some money left over incase the worst happened. I was quick to tell them that they were asking a lot from me, that while I did have some money I didn't just have $40,000 laying around to give out on a whim. I told them I'd have to check my finances and think about it.

After two days I started getting inquiring texts from my parents and sister and told them that I was busy this week and that I'd let them know over the weekend.

I checked the numbers and it was cutting it a little close but it was doable, however, I still didn't like the idea of just giving the money away without any reassurances that I'd get it back. I drew up a rough draft of a contact and emailed it to my sister stating that I was willing to give her money after she signed the final draft and that the money would have to be given in three separate installments.

My family was furious said that as the older sister it was my duty to look out for my sister in her time of need, and to make her sign a contract was offensive.

I countered with that since my sister has never paid me back whenever I "loaned" her money since they day I married my husband I think this was more than fair. Everyone is still angry with me so I just wanted a more neutral perspective, AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

curlytoamt writes:

NTA. How dare they behave like that ? Your husband died , I am very sorry for you all, and the money he left was to make sure that you and his children would be ok because he wasn't going to be there to do that .

Once it is gone, it is gone, it's all on you, unlike your sister and BIL who are both able to contribute to the family . IF anything it is your parents "duty" to look after their daughter, not her sister, not supporting you is what is offensive, they are assholes. And what exactly is the emergency ?

They want to pay of their credit cards, and have left over money "In case " well so does most of the world and how does everyone do that ? Not take your sister's money that's for sure. I bet they would use the emergency fund for a trip or a big TV because they had a hard year and deserved it, wouldn't pay you back dime and treat you like YOU did something wrong.

Tell her you changed your mind, she doesnt have to sign the contract , you were wrong...you are not "lending" money to them at all.

smallinsay writes:

NTA. I wouldn’t loan the money, it’s not your job as the older sister to loan huge amounts.. it was your parents job to teach your sister to understand how finances work and to always put aside savings.

If she needed a smaller amount for food and mortgage repayments then maybe .. but $40k shows signs that she would have been in trouble even without the pandemic.

I would be getting a lawyer to review the contract if you decide to go ahead with loaning the money, because if there’s even the smallest loophole she’s going to use it and your family is going to support her decision not to pay you back.

And now, OP's update:

Edit: Wow stepped away for a couples and I wanted to say thanks for the support also I keep seeing a few of the same questions pop up so I'm going to clarify/mention a couple of things.

My sister and her husband can't get a loan from the bank, or at least not much, because they're credit isn't the best right now To my sister and BIL's credit they did have some savings but are burning through it since my BIL is currently out of work and my sister doesn't work enough hours right now.

Also they have kids. After I got married my sister started making little jokes that compared to what my husband makes what's a few "couple" dollars to family every now and then. Over years I gave my sister at least $2,500 that she never paid back and I just stopped counting after a while because it would get me upset.

I just made it a habit to stop giving her money. Although I would still pay whenever we went out to restaurants, the movies, or the spa.

Edit 2: Okay had to step away again for personal stuff and when I checked I saw even more responses all talking about how I would collect my money if my sister either refused or couldn't pay me back. I left that part out because I wanted to focus on just the idea of the contract itself rather than the technicality part.

As previously stated I email my sister a ROUGH DRAFT of the contract and was planning on having it notarized so that it was official but as collateral I would ownership of her and my BIL cars, if they couldn't pay. Hope that clears a few things up.

Update 2:

Thanks to all the wonderful and helpful comments. I won't lie familial pressure/guilt was getting to me a little because I realize how fortunate I am. I also wanted to apologize for downplaying my socio-economic status.

I just have been living beneath my means for so long I sometimes forget how fortunate I truly am. I just wanted to show my children the importance of being financially responsible and rarely ever splurged.

In the end I contacted my sister and BIL for a sit down, public so they couldn't cause too much of a scene, but private enough so we could vaguely discuss sensitive information plus there was the social distancing.

I simply did a basic laid down of the situation. I told them that I needed them to hear everything I had to say first and if they interrupted me I would walk away and not give lend them a cent.

First, I told them that it is good to help family when you can, but couldn't give them $40,000. I am able to offer them $3,200/mo for at least six months. I told them that I simply can't afford anymore without it effecting my kids and that I am a mother before I'm a sister or daughter.

I also told them that I can't afford to bail them out every time they're in trouble and that since the future is so uncertain I may not always have the means to care for others. My money is going to have string attached and if they didn't like it they could go somewhere else. I made it clear that I wasn't doing this to be mean or controlling but I want to help my sister help herself. The rules were:

A) The money would be deposited in a new Joint bank account with one Authorized Signer. B) My sister and BIL were going to meet with a Financial Advisor (which I would pay for).

C) Since neither of them are working it doesn't make sense to have two cars so I expect them to sell one of them and then our parents can let my sister or BIL use one of their cars when they need it.

D) Before they can get the first payment they will be having their meeting with the Financial Advisor and I will be in the meeting just so I know they went.

I made it very clearly that this is the best that I could GIVE them. They looked upset but I told them that Beggars can't be Chooser. They said they'd "think" about it. I knew that my sister was going to cry to our parents so I called them as soon as I got in the car and told them everything.

I said I'm not changing my mind and that if they feel my sister needs more than what I'm offering they're more than happy to downsize and sell their own home or take out money from their own retirement and SSI, since "family helps family." If there's an update I'll put here as an edit.

Edit For INFO: I keep seeing this so just so we're clear. The $3,200/mo is going to be a gift and I told them that. I don't expect to ever see that money again, but I'm NEVER going to give my sister and BIL another cent after this and I'm prepared to go LC/NC with her over this.

I know my parents will never go LC/NC with me because I'm their first choice when it comes to taking care of them when they get too old to take care of themselves.

Edit For INFO 2: Forgot to mention that I don't really want sister and BIL to sell one of the cars. It's just my way of putting pressure on BIL to get a job, any job.

He has a Master's and was making, I think, around $75,000 at minimum and now he wants a job in the same field making the same amount or more. If we weren't in a pandemic and he didn't have so much debt, I'd understand him wanting to hold out for something better but right now you gotta do what you gotta do.