Woman rethinks relationship because he's 'a good dad.' AITA? 'I'm still confused.'

"AITA for wanting to break up with him for 'being a good dad?'"

Me (30F) and Kyle (32M) had been in what I thought was a good relationship for 3 years. He has children and for privacy I won't say anything about his children. He does have an ex-wife around our age and she's alright. We aren't friends but we get along and she trusted me enough to ask me to do things if they couldn't. We were going to move in together but obviously not anymore.

It was Father's Day that this happened. He spent his day with his kids and I spent mine with my dad. Kyle texted me that he will always put his kids before me. OK? Totally unprompted. I was confused. My Dad asked me if anything happened and I'm like not that I know? It was weird and I didn't reply because yeah I know? You should?

I'm still confused. We talk about it like the next day and he just said I needed to know. I'm like yeah but did I DO anything? Did one of the kids say anything? Like help me correct my behavior.

Like why did you say that when it's to be expected? I know he's a good dad that puts his kids first it's why I wanted to have my own with him. He kept saying that I just need to know my place in his life, need to know the hierarchy. It was really weird and there's been no resolution. Now when I try to talk about that he gets angry and says I'm being petty or jealous and I always knew the deal.

It feels weird to say it but it almost felt hurtful. Like some type of passive aggressive move and he just wanted to start a fight or put me down. If I've never done anything and have been respectful why say that?

I know I don't come first in his life and it never bothered me until he decided I needed to know that from his own mouth? I'm rethinking the relationship and just removing myself from it.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

TravisBlink said:

NTA, sounds like some weird passive aggressive stuff to me as well. Did he spend father’s day with his ex (and the kids)? If so, that might be where this is coming from. I would demand to know what he meant as well, and would probably break up if he wouldn’t explain.

velvetfairy444 said:

NTA “need to know the hierarchy?" Yeah run while you can queen.

Goidelica said:

You're right, that sounds like he's on the defensive, he's acting as if you did something wrong, but you didn't, and I think he knows you didn't, he's just trying to assert dominance or something? Watch out, mate, the crimson banner's flying.

No_Rent_5363 said:

NTA. He’s a weirdo for saying that unprompted. I would take it more as a “you don’t really matter to me” and let the relationship go.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 said:

He hooked up with his ex. this is his way of telling/blaming you. Rethink a lot.

Bluewaveempress said:

The way he assumed you'd have issues with that is very problematic. Dude doesn't even know you. You should not be scolded by text in such a way when you've been a great partner who gets what it means for him to be a parent. NTA and his post event discussion sucks. I'd be done.