Woman reveals husband's secret about BIL's bachelor party, 'I was disgusted.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband's secret?"
My (29f) husband, Charles (30m) went to his brother, Frank's (28m) bachelor party last weekend. Frank's fiancée, Jess (26f) was very vocal about her boundaries. She did not want him to go to a strip club because she finds it disrespectful and unnecessary. Jess is a very good friend of mine and had told me, frank, and everyone going to the bachelor party that if Frank steps foot into a strip club, she is going to leave him.
As you guessed it, they went to a strip club and kept is a secret from Jess. I only found out because Charles was logged into his Facebook on my iPad and I saw the messages. They had a code word and everything for it in case they wanted to talk about it around Jess.
I confronted Charles about it and he said they were just doing basic bachelor things. I asked if anyone bothered to remind Frank about what Jess had said, and he said no because "what she doesn't know can't hurt her" and "the boys got Frank's back." I was disgusted by this and I told Charles that if no one is going to tell her, then I will. Charles exploded on me that I need to mind my own business, they didn't do anything wrong, he wasn't cheating on her or anything, and that if I told Jess then I would be ruining a marriage.
I knew Charles was going to delete the chat so i took pictures on my phone before I confronted him and I sent the messages to Jess. Needless to say, Jess was livid. This all went down on Monday. Jess has since left Frank and moved back with her parents for the time being. Frank has been calling me nonstop saying that I ruined his life.
Charles is threatening to leave me because he says he can't trust me anymore and its my fault that his boys wont talk to him. Their family members are calling me a bunch of names, saying I wasted so much money because the wedding was pretty much entirely planned, and I ruined what could have been a happy marriage. AITA for telling Jess the truth and ruining her marriage and potentially mine?
EDIT:
I do not see gentlemen's clubs the same way that Jess does. That isnt what bothered me. What bothered me is the fact that she put one boundary on the bachelor party and they CHOSE not to respect it.
They chose to disrespect it and chose to keep it from her. That is why i chose to tell her. My marriage already was in a rocky place. This just solidified that I do not want to continue my marriage either because I do not trust Charles or his friends. if they are keeping this from her, what are they keeping from me?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AncientCareer5434 said:
Sounds to me like Frank ruined his own marriage and why would he want to start a marriage crossing a boundary that was set by his fiancé.
ExternalRip6651 said:
Normally, I think that it's important to stick with your partner. However, if your husband is willing to lie to you (I suspect he wouldn't have told you if you hadn't found out) and to disrespect another person's boundaries, what else has he done?
NTA. Based off of your edit, you know that your husband (hopefully STBX) is deceptive. Using the "what she doesn't know can't hurt her" to excuse this kind of behavior is cheater talk. Good on you for being a great friend and calling out bad people.
akillerofjoy said:
OP, guy here. Wholeheartedly NTA. You didn’t ruin anything. You saved your friend from marrying a douche. Your only question should be, what is it that your husband isn’t telling you.
no_thanks_9802 said:
I mean if he didn't want to ruin a perfect marriage, he shouldn't have gone to a strip club. His brother knew her boundaries, he crossed them, and now he's facing the consequences. His fiance is probably not only mad about the strip club, but the lies she was told and the secrecy over it all.
I would also be side eyeing your husband that he was willing to keep this a secret and had a secret code with the rest of the guys to deceive the fiance. What kind of family did you marry into, that seem to be ok with lies and deceit? NTA.
drawntowardmadness said:
FRANK ruined his marriage. You're being a good friend. NTA.
ExCaliNowAZ said:
NTA and get out of this toxic marriage and family. You did nothing wrong. Your husband thinks it’s ok for partners to keep secrets from each other.