Woman gets revenge after overbearing MIL 'drives her insane during pregnancy.' AITA? INTENSE UPDATES.
When this woman is baffled by her MIL's behavior throughout her pregnancy, she asks the internet:
"I am being driven insane by my overbearing MIL. AITA?"
My MIL was supposed to be staying with us for a few days while attending a family members funeral. But this morning she told my husband out of the blue that she was staying longer now. No reason just she was staying longer.
She's been driving me pretty much insane, She questions everything I ask my kids to do, to loud while the youngest one naps, decides to play with kids before they head off to school which makes them late. I could go on but it's to much of a long list.
After my husband left take the older kids to school and go to work this morning. She lets it slip she knew I was having contractions. Just from the way I found her hanging out in the hallway when I opened the our bedroom door I was kind of suspicious she may have been listening to what I said.
She's tried making it to the other births in the past with the other kids but hasn't made it in time. This is after we have told her we don't want her there. But with my luck this baby has to be early and have the one woman who has been driving me insane this whole week stay longer.
I've told her it's best she goes back, We have a birth plan set up and she has a job and husband for her at home. She keeps saying she will think about it, but then says but that stuff can wait. My husband tried to talk to her about it but she isn't budging.
She follows me everywhere like a little puppy that the only time I'm away from her is in my own bedroom or bathroom or like right now in bed.
I know it may seem like a good idea for her to stay around to watch the other kids but I know she will try to find a way out of doing that. I already have my cousin doing that anyway.
Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
wepeat writes:
Girl you don’t ask her to leave, you tell her to leave. “MIL it’s time for you to go home. We have a plan for cousin to watch our kids and me and DH need to focus on our hospital plan now.
Please pack your bags and be out by 2pm.” And then make sure your husband enforces this and has her leave. If she doesn’t want to go home, fine, but she can’t stay and intrude on you. It’s not her choice to see you in labor, it’s your choice.
balancedsnail writes:
I agree w everything that everyone posted, and, if i may, i just want to raise the level of outrage. W T ACTUAL F.
I know we ask this question here a lot, but WHEN DO PEOPLE FORGET WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE THE PREGNANT PERSON???
WHY DO MILs/FILs INSIST ON TAKING AGENCY AWAY FROM NEW MOMS?? Is it generational? Is it that this is how their parents treated them, so it is their own expectation? Where is the humility? Where is the empathy? What the f is wrong w this MIL and those like her???
Ugh. OP - I just think that being pregnant and giving birth is such a fg amazing thing for a body to do - emotionally and physically. I think you deserve to have everything the way that you want and need it. I hope you find comfort and strength in our community. I’m rooting for you so hard.
pinkiefling writes:
Get your cousin to come over, pack up you and the kids, and take you to a hotel or to her house. Protect yourself and your unborn child! Who's to say you aren't having contractions because of the stress she is causing?
It'd be wise to see your Ob tomorrow as well, if possible. EVERYTHING else -- including your DH's failure to protect you -- can wait to be addressed after you give birth and you and baby are safe and well.
And now, OP's first major update:
This morning I talked to my husband about it and told him he needed to get his mom out because she was making things extremely difficult by allowing her to walk all over us in our own home.
He agreed and after our kids were at school and the youngest was at my cousin's house my husband went and told his mom she needed to leave.
Her stay had ended and she needed to return home, at first she said no numerous times before it turned into an argument and my husband called his dad to somehow get down here to pick her up.
She had driven here so my husband asked FIL to find a way to come get her and her car to save her the excuse to come back and get it.
MIL screamed that she was going for a walk because clearly we needed to calm down. And while she was gone I told my husband we should pack up her stuff. Next thing I know, my husbandl leaves his mother's stuff outside by her car and locked the door.
When she got back she tried to get back in and when she realised what was going on she called FIL. Whatever he said to her made her get in the car and go home. So finally she is gone.
My husband and I have both agreed a few FaceTime calls here and there for her to see the baby will be fine but she probably won't meet the baby face to face until Thanksgiving.
Now if you'll all excuse me I'm going to enjoy my evening without her constantly behind me.
And now, OP's second update:
She was texting me for a week after that about when she could see the baby that I given birth to 48 hours after she left. But the way she had reacted when we had calmly asked her the first time was what made us tell her that she could wait a bit before seeing the baby.
She waited until Sunday of this week to start asking again, We've told her no already, She keeps forgetting we have just been through a hurricane, We have my cousins kids staying at our house since we just had another baby, our newborn, plus we would want her to quarantine for two weeks since she works around people who are sick.
We told her if she wasn't here to help out she wasn't staying and to find a hotel. She went quiet after that. Last night FIL called to say he had gotten into an argument with MIL because he found out she was planning to surprise us and show up at our house for a 'mini' holiday. MIL's sister called FIL to tell him MIL's plan.
MIL seems adamant that no one can change her mind and she's in the right. But the more she acts like this is really starting to annoy me at this point because she doesn't seem to care about anyone else's feelings.
And now, OP's final update:
I feel like at this point my MIL is trying to fight me on everything, every couple of weeks it's something new with her.
After my last post MIL was told by FIL that if she showed up to our house he would be changing the locks on their house. So she changed her mind and called to tell us she wasn't coming.
She asked if we would come to their house Halloween though. We had to tell her no. When she asked why. We told her it was because of the distance to their house and the fact it was going to be a school night.
A couple years ago we spent Halloween at their house because it was on a Saturday and ever since then she's been trying to recreate that night again.
We told her she might be lucky if we stayed at their house ever again for Halloween. She then started talking about plans for Halloween like we didn't just say no, so we hung up on her. She texted me with ideas for activities the kids could do and was sending me costumes for the baby.
My husband told her to stop because we already told her no. FIL also found out what she was doing and told her to stop we had already said no and she needs to respect that.
Haven't heard from her since but according to FIL she is still making plans and said she was making them for the rest of the family, not just us. So she can have fun with us.
We already have plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, since it is their year. But I'm also hosting Christmas so it shall be fun( Sarcastic) how she'll try to control it all.
Readers continued to weigh in on OP's updates:
This is so triggering for me; had something very similar years ago (but then continued to escalate so we don’t see her anymore). MIL would follow me around, be waiting on my bed when I got out of the shower and my partner was at work so it was just me and her and the new baby.
Then one night MIL asked to come over for dinner, we said no as she’d been over every night for 2 weeks, we had a new baby plus an older child and we needed a night just with us.
She showed up anyway and when my partner wouldn’t let her come in (we were in the middle of dinner) she started yelling and carrying on out the front of our house. Went on for over 30 mins but thankfully she eventually left.
She is just a very unhappy, unhealthy person, very bitter about her divorce and I always felt sorry for her but once we had children, there was lot more to think about. Several more incidents later and I’ve put my foot down, I refuse to see her now.
I still feel sorry for her, but she has been horrible towards me (and pretty horrible towards her sons) and I can’t let my kids see that anyone should be allowed to treat others that way, regardless of their own issues.
rikermovie writes:
It sounds like the MIL's entire identity was wrapped around being a mom and she is desperately trying to recreate those warm and cozy feelings and memories...even at the expense of her relationship with her son and daughter in law.