'AITA they way I responded to my sister's boyfriend's 'brutal honesty?''
"AITA they way I responded to my sister's boyfriend's 'brutal honesty?'"
My (F35) sister (F27) started dating one of those 'brutally honest' guys few months ago. He can be quite rude and make backhanded comments about me and the family sometimes which is bothersome but my sister says he's not malicious but is just the brutally honest time and we should get used to it.
I visited my parents house to celebrate my sister's birthday and my husband couldn't come with me because he was busy, after the party we all sat down for dinner and my sister's boyfriend said it was weird that my husband and I don't have kids despite being married for 6 years now.
I was shocked that he brought this up, but I gave a short answer stating that it's because of infertility issues, he asked on which side and I didn't wanna answer but my sister said it's on my side.
I got uncomfortable as he looked at me for a second and said that maybe not having kids now is a good thing because he thought women over 30 might "produce" defective babies due to age.
I told him it was none of his business, but he said that he was just giving his 'honest opinion' and that's all. I, in return, told him while maintaining eye contact: "trust me, if I wanted an as*$#le's opinion, I would've farted!"
Literally everyone at the table bursted into laughter and my sister and her boyfriend were stunned. Few seconds later her boyfriend excused himself out and my sister followed then sent me a text after they left saying I was mean and disrespectful towards her boyfriend and insulted him maliciously just cause he stated his honest opinion.
She also said I ruined her birthday by being petty and making her boyfriend the joke of the night in front of the family. I didn't respond but she demanded an apology via mail as soon as possible, mom agreed that I shouldn't have said what I said and should've just ignored him knowing how he is.
Here's what people had to say:
NTA, but Sister is also TA for volunteering OP's private medical information when BF so rudely asked the intrusive "Whose side?" question.
Ash-569075 OP:
Hi..I agree fully, because she has already seen how uncomfortable I was but she decided to not only let her boyfriend continue but also provided medical details that I never wanted to share with him of all people.
I think you SHOULD write her that email she wants, but... detailing why his interrogation was rude and intrusive, how hurtful and appalling it is your sister offered up more information you clearly were not comfortable sharing, how out of line it was to do all of this in a public setting, and finally that you were being brutally honest and not malicious so he should just get used to it.
And request an email apology for them crossing the line with you.
NTA he is an insensitive moron and nobody asked his opinion. Also you didn't do anything wrong, you were just brutally honest with him. He should be happy someone can speak as honestly as he does.
Ash-569075 OP:
Apparently, he got offended and so was my sister although she sat there then entire time ignoring his remarks that were directed at me.
UrsusRenata said:
“Brutal honestly” is a defensive term for insensitivity. Uncouth, insensitive comments — particularly in mixed company — should not be excused as “honesty”. A filter is important in social situations. That’s how adults behave. NTA OP. You matched uncouth with uncouth.
Slow-Bumblebee-8609 said:
NTA. Brutally honest is a synonym for as*^%le. 'Brutally' is not a nice adjective, it means savage and violent way. If he identifies himself by that, that says a lot about him Also, I'm surprised he is offended at being called an as*hole, considering that what he said is the equivalent to verbal diarrhea.
No-Recognition3929 said:
NTA but that is the PERFECT response and I will be squirreling that one away for myself lol. “Just being honest” is often a very, very toxic way that as*holes try to make their victims seem like the overly sensitive one when they get upset.
Being honest would have been him giving you a straight answer if you asked his opinion. NOT shoving his unwanted, unsolicited advice at you.
Lanersofcork said:
NTA - what makes his brutal honesty superior to yours? People use the phrase “I’m just being honest” as an excuse for having poor social manners. Just because you’re giving your honest opinion, doesn’t mean you’re free from consequences of that opinion.
the-mirrors-truth said:
NTA. He's a jerk, plain and simple. He's absolutely malicious and your sister is dumb enough to fall for his innocent act. Besides, no one asked him for his opinion but he still went and shared a very hurtful and untrue comment. He can't take what he dishes out. How pathetic.