'AITA for saying no to nights out with my family because they keep pressuring me to drink?
"AITA for saying no to nights out with my family because they keep pressuring me to drink?"
I (22f) don't drink alcohol. I never experimented with it in high school or college (still going to college). I didn't have my first drink when I turned 21. I don't drink at all and I never will. I'm the only alcohol-free member of my family.
And I'm treated like a weirdo because I don't drink. My family enjoy nights out with lots of alcohol and sometimes food is included in that too. Whenever I'm with them they buy me alcoholic drinks and try to pressure me to drink. I hate it. I really don't enjoy bars or nightclubs and outside of the few times with my family I never go.
It makes me enjoy spending time with my friends more because they never mock me or pressure me to try alcohol and we also do stuff on nights out that don't involve drinking, or at least where it's not the primary focus. It bothers my family that I spend more time with my friends in that way than them. Because I eventually started saying no to nights out with my family.
It got mentioned recently because my friends and I went to this gamers club and a couple of my friends drank and the rest of us didn't. But my family saw photos and made a big deal that I "go to the bar with those friends of yours and not your own family." I told them the gamers club isn't a bar and that the reason I don't go out with them anymore is because of their constant pressure for me to drink.
They called it bull#@%t and they said I'm an adult and if I can't handle teasing then I'm in for a very sensitive future. I told them teasing isn't mocking me every single time they invite me out because I don't want to drink. I told them they turned it into bullying and coercion and it's not okay.
I told them I have never tried to stop them from drinking or pressure them to stop. But they won't give me the same courtesy for not drinking. I said I can't even trust them to buy me soda because they keep trying to slip alcohol to me.
I told them that's why I say no and will keep saying no. All of that. They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CartographerHot2285 said:
Hahahaha, the fact that they think you're the one mistreating them is beyond hilarious. NTA. Teasing is once or twice maybe, about something innocent, or an inside joke both parties can laugh with. When either party stops finding it funny, it's not teasing anymore.
Trying to pressure someone into drinking is never funny. You're the one that's right for not drinking. Lots of people don't drink at all or make it an exceptional occurrence. And yes, you're totally right for choosing to hang out with people who do respect you in stead of people who don't.
Worth_Rate2653 OP responded:
Yeah, I always saw a difference between teasing and mocking. Teasing is very different intentioned than mocking. One is more good natured and the other is done to make someone feel like they're doing something wrong or something's wrong with them. You also don't constantly tease unless that's the relationship type you have with someone.
It's so nice to be around people who respect my adult decisions instead of bully me for them.
NTA. Pressuring people to drink is not okay. I lost a friend to autoimmune hepatitis a few years back (he couldn't get a new liver in time) and there was about a year between it taking a turn and it getting really serious. I still think that if some of his other friends had been supportive instead of pushing him to drink, he might still be here.
I'm so sorry about that. We have some alcohol dependency and alcoholism in my wider extended family. Addiction in general is big in my family. It made me way more cautious and I know that some of the relatives I lost to drinking were also pushed to drink when they were trying to stop. It's so sad that people can't respect others enough to let them not drink. It can end os badly too.
Doctor-Liz said:
NTA. Pressuring people to drink is not okay. I lost a friend to autoimmune hepatitis a few years back (he couldn't get a new liver in time) and there was about a year between it taking a turn and it getting really serious. I still think that if some of his other friends had been supportive instead of pushing him to drink, he might still be here.
Kris82868 said:
NTA. Have you ever asked them why they care if you don't partake? I don't get it. You can be with them with your soda. They can have their whatever. It isn't creating a problem if you have a different beverage choice.
gelfbo said:
NTA. You’re pretty great not caving to the pressure, have you asked why they are so invested in you drinking? You’ve got me thinking now, I’m a lot older than you and basically have drink on special occasions or special wines and get pressured. Now I’m contemplating asking my sister “why” next time she gets pushy.
TielPerson said:
NTA, I once had a friend like this, it was horrible. We do not visit each other often since university for a reason. It's fully acceptable to stop hanging out with your family, but if they force you, you should start to make petty comments in return like how they are unable to have fun without getting drunk and how embarassing it is to have only drug addicts around.
If they ever force you to go to an event with them which involves heavy drinking on their side ever again, make sure they regret it somehow (not in a mean way, but give them a taste of their own medicine with some petty comebacks on their usual bullying).
AggressiveSock3277 said:
NTA. They really think it’s teasing but when it’s repeated over and over again it’s not funny. If you don’t want to drink, understandable. They should respect that.