Woman shamed by family for not financially contributing to brother's wedding. AITA?

When this woman isn't sure if she's being a bad sister, she asks the internet:

"AITA for not contributing to my brother's wedding expenses?"

I (18F) have an older brother, Mike (28M), who is getting married in a few months. Our family is pretty close, and we've always supported each other. Recently, Mike and his fiancée have run into some budget issues with their wedding.

A few weeks ago, Mike asked if I could contribute financially to help cover some of the wedding costs. He knows I’ve been saving the money I earned from my part-time job for college expenses and some personal goals.

I explained that I wouldn’t be able to help since I need those savings for my future education and other important needs.

Mike seemed to understand at first, but lately, he and some family members have been acting distant and cold towards me.

They think I'm being selfish for not helping out, especially since I’m still living at home and don’t have many expenses. I’ve always tried to be there for my family, but I feel like I need to prioritize my own future, especially with college coming up soon.

I feel guilty for not being able to support my brother’s wedding, but I also feel it’s important to stick to my savings plan for my education and other personal goals. Am I being unreasonable, or are they asking too much from me?

AITA for not contributing to my brother's wedding expenses? Thanks for your perspective.

adcgah7 writes:

NTA. This is the most ridiculous thing around financing a wedding I've ever heard. Asking a teenager for his college savings? He's totally out of his f... mind just to ask you. A good education is a necessity.

A lavish wedding is not. You may ask your parents for some money if they are well of and have some fun money to share with you, but asking younger siblings? How desperate can you be? Hold your stand.

You will need every cent of this money, for accommodation, for food, for fees, for books - he wants to blow it up for table decorations, flower arrangements and the like. This is outrageous.

profesyaf writes:

NTA at all, you're right, your future is important. And you are not 'not supporting his wedding' You are not giving them money that you don't have available. And honestly, even if you had a load of savings and no immediate need for them, you would *still* not be the AH if you chose not to gift them tata money.

That said, Is there anything else you could offer to do that would involve giving time rather than money? that way , you make it harder for them (or other family members) to claim you are not supportive.

Also, if any family members calls you selfsih, as k how much they are donanting, and whatever it is, ask them why they are not offering more, and why are they being sefish and not helping out more.

rarateexp writes:

NTA This may seem like a leap but some families are just horrible. Please check your credit and put a freeze on it until you are ready to use it. If they get real demanding they might feel entitled to open a credit card in your name.

Since their attitude so far is you are young and living at home you can afford it I wouldn't be surprised if a random credit card popped up.

If you do see something on your report do not say anything to any of them just go to the police and file a report quietly. Then follow instructions with the credit bureaus to have it taken off your record.

gahaw7 writes:

NTA. If he can't afford a wedding, he can't afford a wedding. He had absolutely no right as a full grown adult to ask for some money from someone who's barely more than a child and hasn't started their own life yet.

His request was so far out of line as to be ridiculous and anyone who thinks any differently, well I have no words to describe how crappy they are.