Woman shares bizarre relationship saga; 'Two feminine hygiene products may ruin my marriage.' UPDATED 2X

"Two tampons may mean my marriage is over."

I (29F) have been with my husband (30M) for seven years, married for four. I’ve never had reason to suspect he was unfaithful to me or even remotely dissatisfied with our marriage—he likes to joke that we’re still living the “honeymoon phase” nearly five years and two kids in. I wouldn‘t have questioned that, or him, were it not for a surprise I found in his car last month.

When buckling our daughter into her carseat, I noticed something slotted between the cushions. I pulled it out and saw that it was a tampon. This wouldn’t have been so unusual had I not had an IUD that has stopped my period for the past year, and I didn’t even recognize the wrapper style.

I brought it to my husband’s attention, and he didn’t seem to understand what it was, let alone why I was holding it, until I told him where I’d found it and why I was almost certain it wasn’t mine.

He shrugged and said it probably belonged to his coworker, Fiona. It’s not uncommon for my husband to carpool to lunch with his coworkers, and we’re both fairly close to Fiona and her husband, so I figured it was entirely possible the tampon had slipped out of her purse whenever he had driven with them or offered her a ride. No big deal.

I put it out of my mind until we had dinner with Fiona and her husband a couple weeks later. I had sincerely wanted to believe my husband. I just couldn’t get over the way it had been tucked in the seat and how my husband had seemed not to have any regard for it whatsoever.

Maybe playing dumb. I don’t know. I did something that I now feel kind of crazy for doing: I faked an “emergency” and asked Fiona if she had any tampons while we were out together.

She handed me one almost identical to the tampon I’d found in our backseat, and I breathed a sigh of relief. So the tampon there was probably the same tampon here, and in all likelihood, there was an innocent explanation as to why it had been left in the backseat in the first place.

I thought I’d seen the last of the out-of-place feminine hygiene products until I found another tampon this morning. This time in my sock drawer. I feel physically ill at the thought of my husband having an affair and even more nauseated at the thought that the woman might have left these tampons out for me to find.

If it was my husband’s coworker, why would she give herself away by offering me one the other night? In any other situation I would want to talk to my husband about this, but I feel too sick, and embarrassed, to approach him with what I’ve found. What should I do?

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

grathw writes:

As someone who has been through something similar. You 110% deserve to know for sure. I understand how terrifying and sickening it is to even suspect it, but I promise it is even worse not knowing the truth.

It will never leave the back of your mind if you don’t. At least if you know, you know that you did everything in YOUR power to be a good spouse. Know that if he has had an affair, his affair had nothing to do with you. You did not cause it, he choose to do what he did knowing who was waiting for him at home.

You carried and birthed two beautiful children for him and I’m sure, given him five wonderful years of marriage. Constantly abiding the oath you took the day you married him.

Confirming what you suspect is not a loss for you, it is absolutely his loss and he will have to live with what he did to you and your family for the rest of his life. In my opinion, that’s better than you driving yourself insane by not knowing.

soundmind writes:

The OP found two unopened tampons and from that the OP and all of reddit are saying husbands fg Fiona and planting the tampons in order to expose the affair even though Fiona is married too and the families socialize together. All this from 2 unopened tampons.

I've cheated before and been cheated on and almost all people who cheat exhibit some type of cheating behaviors: they start working late when they never did before or suddenly have to travel a lot for work. They seem tired all the time(having an affair is mentally and physically exausting).

As a couple you used to have a regular bedroom life but now it's infrequent or non existent. But the #1 tell for someone having an affair is there phone. Are they secretive with their phone all of a sudden, did you used to know the pass code to his phone but now they changed it and want to keep it private.

Are they taking some calls in private or hiding or shielding there phone when texting someone. If you ask to use your partners phone to make a quick call or check something on internet do they refuse to let you use it.

OP said herself she never thought for a second that he was cheating and now is obsessed with tampons and imagining having to get a divorce and being a single mom.

there can probably be 100 reasons or explanations for the tampons and of course her husband cheating on her and the affair partner leaving behind tampons for the wife to find is one explanation.

But what if Fiona dropped 2 tampons in the car, the toddler found both in the car and put one in between the seats and the other in your sock drawer. That's just as crazy as Fiona planting the tampons as a way to steal your husband.

If OP really has suspicions just find a way to take your husband's phone and snoop through it.

fealat writes:

I really hope it's not your husband having an affair. My bestie almost broke up with her boyfriend when they first started dating because she kept finding pads and panty liners around his apartment that weren't her brand.

She confronted him when she found one wedged in the pages of her book on his bedside table, so she confronted him and was like are you still seeing other women. He vehemently denied.

After checking in with his buildings security his ex from almost two years earlier had never handed back her elevator key when she was taken off the lease and she'd low-key been stalking him.

She was letting herself into his apartment and planting pads and panty liners as a way to make it look like he was cheating. But the security cameras caught her going into the building when he could prove he was at work, he showed her his phone and other electronics and called to confront her on speakerphone. Idk why she thought that would work.

But yeah. There are some crazy women out there, his coworker could be planting these things.

gramatrer writes:

My theory. You husband may not be cheating, but he had a woman or women riding in his car like you're aware of. You confronted husband about the tampon found in the car and he was oblivious to it. You failed to provide enough context to why this was a problem for you.

Husband later has the same carpool situation and find a tampon himself. He then assumes its yours or you might want it and puts it in his pocket. He gets in the house and cant think of where you would store your tampons (he is a guy afterall). He dumps it into a draw that belongs to you. End of story.

crownagth writes:

get someone to install a small camera in the doorway of your bedroom when he is not home. There are a few points about your story though: 1) is this a true story? 2) everyone on here is trying to explain away your tampon in your drawer and disbelieving you..that’s a problem! 3) don’t confront husband until you have solid proof and even in that instance he will most likely lie to you 4) People!

Exes can be raving maniacs (don’t ask how I know), so consider this a true story until informed otherwise, 5) since he goes to lunch with Fiona or whatever I would be highly sus about them and you may try to get some intel on both of them in some way, 6) just because you are still doinking like newlyweds does not mean he is faithful. That was the hardest point I had to face. Keep us posted on what you do. Good luck.

graoun writes:

Conspiracy theory: - Fiona is setting him up for whatever reason. Slightly less Cray Cray version: - This is the one from the back seat or he found another and dumped it into the sock drawer "in case" someone has an emergency at your place and needs one.

And now, Update 1:

Fiona's been to our house many times and vice versa. To my knowledge, she wasn’t over any time in the past week, so if she planted that second tampon, she had to have found a window of time when I wasn’t home.

Any time she and her husband visit, we all stay downstairs, and you’d have to go really out of your way to make it to our bedroom (i.e., around our dogs, over the safety gate, past the other bedrooms). Not saying it’s impossible, but definitely tricky to do on a quick bathroom break, I would guess.

My kids are 2 and almost 4. Both have a mischievous streak, so I didn’t want to rule out the possibility of one of them moving stuff around, but I can’t imagine how they’d get their hands on one, possibly two random tampons that I never bought.

Update 2:

Contemplating every possible source of two tampons has been my personal hell for the past few weeks, but I wanted to share an update.

Shortly after posting on here, I told my sister what happened. The tampon in the backseat and the sock drawer, my husband’s cluelessness, the tampon from Fiona, and all the things I suspected but didn't want to believe.

We compared tampons (save for the backseat one I had already discarded), and they were a match, just in different absorbencies. I hadn't left either in a place where my husband or daughters would have found them and moved them around.

My daughters didn't know what they were or where they had come from. My sister was convinced it was Fiona—either fg my husband, fg with me, or both. Direct confrontation of either party still seemed like a bad idea, so she suggested inviting Fiona and her husband over for our Labor Day barbecue. Unfortunately, they already had plans.

My sister and I agreed that it was too soon for cameras without any other evidence, so it was just a waiting game from there. Watching my husband for any changed behavior (there was none), our house for any misplaced/foreign items (there were none), and even the girls for any new "friends" they might have met.

My sister's husband was adamant on this last point, and partly why he was inclined to believe that the tampons were harmless. If anything had been happening in or around our home, he said, it would be nearly impossible to keep it from me and the girls, since my husband was the one taking them to and from daycare and most other activities during the week. I felt a good bit of consolation in that.

It wasn't until my younger daughter (2 y/o) came down with something last week that I felt any differently. I wanted to be the one home taking care of her, but my husband insisted that I stay at work while he stayed home with her.

I was OK with that, my sister and her husband figured it was a good sign that he would take the time off at a moment's notice, and at that point, we were all already beginning to put the tampon fiasco behind us. By the third or fourth day, I was just happy to see a near-healthy child and a husband who was helping see her through it. Toward the end of that week, though, I came home to something strange.

The toddler that I'd left that morning in an old PJ set was now dressed in a onesie I'd never seen before, with a tiny clip in her hair. I can't say I have the sharpest memory, but I have a pretty good sense of what my kids wear on a day-to-day basis, and particularly what kinds of clothes they wear.

I'd sworn off the full-length sleep suits with snaps across the front long before we'd ever had our second (the long snaps are just a pain in the ass and a no-go for efficient diaper changes, IMO).

It's just not something I would dress her in, and my husband knows as much. He doesn't plan for, or buy, the girls' clothes, and he certainly doesn't accessorize them, so I was bewildered. And kind of floored at the thought of someone around our sick child without my knowledge.

I didn't think twice, and I went straight to my husband to ask if anyone had been over to see him or the girls. He seemed confused, like before, and asked me why I would think that—it had just been him and the kids all day. I asked him again, if someone had so much as stopped by to say hello, and he denied it.

He told me to calm down. I might've lashed out and come forward with the accusations right then and there, but our older daughter was in the room, and she sensed something was up. In a calmer voice, I asked him a third time if anyone had been around our children, and my husband swore that the girls hadn't been around anyone but him.

He also denied buying new clothes or doing anyone's hair. With our daughter in the room and my emotions all over the place, I decided to leave it. I couldn't make sense of it then, and it hardly seems clearer now, after I've driven myself half-crazy with explanations that aren't adding up.

My 2 y/o can only string together a couple words at a time, and when I ask her about her time with Daddy or her clothes/bow, she answers based on the cues I give her (e.g., “Who gave you that pretty bow?” and she repeats “pretty bow” back to me, or “Mama/Daddy” over and over).

My older daughter (almost 4) was at daycare that morning, and she can’t recall anything different from that day. Doesn’t remember the PJ change or the hair clip, so my guess is she was changed sometime that morning, but I’m not totally sure.

I have a 45 min commute to work, so stopping by for lunch isn’t really feasible. My sister has been kind enough to leave work and drive past a few times here and there, and she hasn’t seen anything out of the ordinary.

We have a Ring camera at the front door, and I’ve got the app on my phone with notifs on. Nothing there yet. If anyone has recommendations for more discreet surveillance, I’d be open to it—I’m just the least tech-savvy person and worry another camera will be easy to detect lol.