Woman shares marriage saga; 'My husband cheated so I got major revenge.' UPDATED

"My husband cheated so I told everyone."

My husband cheated so I told everyone. He has nothing right now and definitely doesn't care. I'm 7 months pregnant now but when I was 5 months I found out he was cheating... while I was I the hospital with pneumonia. I just posted about my mom but I kind of want to get everything off my chest.

He is adopted but knows his biological family. I told his adopted family, biological family, my family, my friends, his friends, etc. A lot came out when I found out. I found out he cheated on every girlfriend he's had.

I'm now friends with his ex's (who he lied to about everything as well. He told me he wasn't in contact with them and they found out about me when his mom died and I was in her obituary because - shocker - she's my MIL).

He says I ruined his life. I want to. He's hiding like a coward. He won't answer messages from anyone. He tried telling my mother that he spoke to an attorney and I made him feel guilty for not being happy when he mentioned it (never happened.

In fact when I asked if he was cheating, he swore on his mother's grave he wasn't - a lie). There's so much to this story but I just don't understand how some people can do this.

He wanted his perfect wife and kids, and his little girlfriend on the side. He was never going to leave me and now he's not responding to my divorce attorney. I want him out of my life, since he was so unhappy.

But suddenly he's too busy for the divorce he claims he wants (or at started claiming when I kicked him out of the house. When I told him to leave because he was cheating, he told me he's "been unhappy a long time and spoke to a lawyer a month ago but didn't know how to tell me".... so he cheated and lied to hide it for weeks).

He wanted the baby I'm pregnant with (I didn't want another for 2 more years) but now that we're not together, he says it's my choice and I can have full custody.

He's mad at me because his affair partner was also cheating on her boyfriend and I told said boyfriend. Apparently, because I did that, my husband doesn't have to apologize for what he did to me because I'm trying to ruin his and his new girlfriends life.

He said he's not sorry, he doesn't regret it, and he's "accepted what he's done" and I need to get over it. But he can't even say the words "I cheated". Just "you don't know my side" and "I've accepted what I've done".

I want him to suffer like I am. And he has no one. But, I know he doesn't care because he's twisted it in his mind so that he's justified because I told everyone what he did so clearly I'm the bad guy.

If he had a side, he would tell his whole family so that they wouldn't hate him but instead he blocks their numbers. He knows he can't lie to anyone who can ask me because I have all the proof and anything he says I can disprove so he says nothing. Yet, insists he's not in the wrong.

I really know how to pick them. Now I'm a single mom of two. More info in the comments: I felt like if I didn't then it would give him a chance to convince me that it was my fault somehow.

Now I have even his family at my back telling me to not ever take him back and that honestly is a big help to keeping me from breaking down and trying to "fix" him so my family can be whole.

.His brother logged into his Facebook and made a post about what he did so he deleted his Facebook the next morning lol.

.When we got together I told him cheating was my HARD LINE. No forgiveness. He said he understand because he's been cheated on (lie), little did I know he had a girlfriend when we got together... I still don't understand how he thought that was okay somehow.

.Based on new evidence I believe the AP knew about me and they had some sort of "we both have partners so we both have something to lose" agreement but when I first messaged her (after she stopped ignoring me the first 2 days) she said "He says that he's divorcing you and the baby isn't his".

Before we give you OP's update:

dagan writes:

I wish I had had the support of my ex's family when they decided to cheat on me. My last ex's mother and father adored me, said I was the best girlfriend he had ever introduced to them and I treated them like my own family. When we broke up, they assumed it was mutual and my fault. Still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

My ex fiance's little brother still thinks highly of me after everything that went down years ago (cheating, lying, abuse, the usual). He actually just reached out to me a few months ago to check in and see how everything's going.

But the rest of our old friend group and his side of his family think I'm a demon. I let it go for the sake of my sanity. It would've been so validating to have been able to tell them my truth.

So good on you for telling people who he really is. I hope you and your babies find peace and healing far away from that POS.

creapyg writes:

So feel everything you need to feel.. burn off that resentment (could take a few years) and move on. The sooner the better. Now that that is said..
I have this opinion that there is a serious problem with crippling child support when the parent wants to and can provide for the child 50% of the time...

Honestly I find it disgusting how a reasonable good man can be reduced to ash from CS. However if the father is looking to abandon the children I hope that he does indeed experience life long crippling financial commitment in return for not having to love someone he helped make..

See if you can get it in writing that he wants nothing to do with his children.. Get a custody lawyer.. trust me on this if he blatantly says "I don't want anything to do with them" you have that in writing, and you have a lawyer...

You don't need any revenge on your part.. just move on.. because the child support metric will literally bend him over and rawdog screw him financially into the dirt for the next 18years.. it will even cripple his ability to retire properly and seriously limit any chance of gaining assets in the future... Especially in this market..

gathout writes:

Someone who acts like that may suffer, but they’re never going to be able to look in the mirror and see the real source, it’s always that they’re right and everyone else is victimizing them. Nothing you say and do can change the mind of someone like that.

So if that’s what you’re hoping for, you’re wasting your time. You got your revenge and got it out in the open, you really need to consider if you really want to spend your life making someone miserable when they’ll never see the facts of the matter.

I’m not one of those people who’d offer hippy dippy advice about how forgiveness heals and anger only drags you down, you’re very much entitled to your feelings, but continuing to dedicate time to his misery is still dedicating your time and mental energy to that loser.

Keep working to get him out of your life and then cut the chord, you’ll only be dragged down if you keep him in your life for vengeance.

Update:

This is kind of a small update, but I was excited and remembered this account, so I wanted to say that you don't have to be healed for things to be better. Good things can still happen even if you're sad.

Thus far, I have gotten a pay raise at work, and come the new year, I'll be promoted and take over my own store with another pay raise. I've been going out more and enjoying myself. I have concert tickets and hockey tickets that I'm very excited about.

I had my son in October, and in January, I started eating healthier, and I've lost 20 lbs so far. I'm seeing someone, sort of. We are exclusive, on accident... just kind of stopped seeing others in favor of each other, but not official, and he makes me smile.

I went to the dealership we got our cars from and found out that ex has been telling people that I cheated and was abusive. They gave me a free oil change because they felt so bad when I broke down. I proved that was a lie and talked to them for a while. I knew he would do that, but it's nice to have proof, and it's exactly why I kept everything I had.

As for my husband... the judge officially signed the divorce decree in January! I've been NC with him since June 2022, so I wasn't getting a lot of updates there until the (now) EX-affair partner messaged me.

I knew that his car has a repo order on it and that he was struggling dating but that he had "found someone." He has his whole family blocked. But on Thanksgiving, she messaged me that she had left him, and she was sorry. I didn't message her back until this month because I just wasn't ready, but I did and found out that he's been fired from 3 jobs since I left him and now he doesn't have her either.

I do think he's seeing someone, and I think I figured out who, but I don't want to be involved even though I want to warn her. I'm torn, but I decided to let him do as he does because I don't want to give him a reason to reach out.

He has reached out to my mother once because he was posted in a toxic men Facebook group with a warning for other girls and decided it was me. Even then, he didn't even ask how our son was.

He has never met him or seen him or asked about him. My in-laws are still my family, and my grandmother in law calls every week to talk to me. My aunt and sister-in-law are coming to my oldest son's birthday so he can see his cousins on that side and they can see me.

So, in all, I'm doing good, and he is not. But, I am not official with the guy I'm seeing for a couple of reasons. I am still paranoid, anxious, and stressed. I don't fully trust my instincts. I am aware of all of that. Better things are still happening, and I am sure it will get better. I am excited to one day be fully healed AND living a good life. I don't know how long that will take, but that's okay.

The only thing besides all that is that he has yet to pay child support or any of the money he was ordered to pay in the divorce so we will have to go back to court to enforce that. Who knows what hell that will bring.

I feel the love and support from the comments, and I appreciate every single one of you. I can only hope that if someone who is struggling to leave a situation like mine reads this, they find that strength and respect for themselves to go. Never stay with someone who hurts you. It's not worth it.