Woman shares pet saga; 'I accidentally trained my cat to be an eating disorder support pet.' UPDATED 2X

"I accidentally trained my cat to be an eating disorder support pet..."

I'm feeling guilty today. I've had this cat for 3 years now. My Ed got significantly worse about 2 1/2 years ago.

At first, I didn't even realise what she was doing. I had a problem with purging for a long time... She would get between me and the toilet, demanding attention and fuss, while I cried.

She would sniff my face and lick it, making it impossible to purge. If I locked her out of the bathroom, she would meow so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors heard.

I finally managed to stop purging last year after recovering and relapsing a few times. The lockdowns have been really difficult, and not being able to go to the gym hasn't helped.

A couple of months ago, my cat stopped eating. She got so skinny, she was really underweight. Vets couldn't find anything wrong, I hadn't changed her food, there was no reason for it.

I'm not sure how it happened... One day, I decided to have breakfast too. So I sat down with my food, and put her bowl next to me. And she finally ATE... I did the same at lunch time. And again, she actually ate.

The same the next day. And the next. We've been doing it for a while now. She's still underweight, but she's getting there.

I wake up at 7am every day. We have breakfast at 9/9.30. I need those couple of hours to build up to breakfast.

I slept really badly last night. I woke up at 9.10, and I just couldn't do it. Lunch is at 12, I just couldn't eat.

I put Lily's food down by me. She stared at me. Stared at her bowl. Stared at me again. Then walked away.

I'm heartbroken that I couldn't do it for her. She needed me to eat and I let her down...

She finally are at lunchtime. I had a sandwich. She kept glancing at me, pausing for me to continue before she would eat more.

People say we don't deserve animals. I don't deserve this cat. She is saving my life, quite literally, and I don't think anyone appreciates or understands how incredible that is. It's also absolutely terrifying. I don't deserve this cat...

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top comments and responses from OP:

carpowa writes:

Cats are unable to understand eating disorders. This post infuriates me. You're just projecting onto your cat. It literally has no idea what's going on. They're animals who don't have human emotions.

You're just in need of a friend who cares and you imagine your cat to be that friend. It isn't. It's a cat.

I have an eating disorder. And I have two amazing dogs. I love them. Mickey and Mackey are my boys. But I'm not so delusional that I think they know about my eating disorder. They're dogs who love me but they're not my therapist. God, this is so cringe.

fernelz writes:

She's doing it to help you, not to force you to do it. She's not doing it to be a burden but because she wants you to be better as well. You shouldn't feel guilty about this at all, she decided to do this and she can stop it if she wanted too.

Cats are smart and she picked up on your needs and is trying to help you (just like you do for her). Why would you be guilty? For accepting help? What is there to blame you for?

There's no blame, no mistake, no terrible thing that was done. There's nothing to even be blamed for. It's just two beings of different species looking out for each other.

OP replies:

Thank you... I've always struggled with guilt, and help. It's like you read my mind... So thank you, for putting it so bluntly, picking it apart and giving such a thoughtful reply. I think part of me feels like it's my fault she's not eating... That I've done this to her. I had a conversation with a friend about it... It went like this...

Him- she's just not hungry, it's fine Me- she's really skinny, it's not fine, she needs to eat Him- na, she doesn't, she will eat when she wants to Me- she's severely underweight!

Him- she's not starving, she looks fine Me- you can feel all of her bones, she's not fine Him- yeah but she looks better like that Me- wtf?! Him- see? It's not fine is it. Now you know how we feel. Annoying isn't it...

I've told other people and they all laugh because it's such a similar situation... But it's not. They didn't watch me day by day, or even week to week... But I think maybe the similarities in our situations make me feel even more guilt. Because my friends feel like this is something I should've just snapped out of and that it's my own fault. So I feel like I've caused it for her too...

Sorry this is so long, I'm aware you're not my therapist (oh lord I hope not...), But it's been quite cathartic to get it out.

fernelz replies:

No problem lol (and don't worry I'm no one's therapist lol, just trying to help you see it for what it really is).

I've lived my entire life seeing what this kind of thing is like for people, even experienced it myself in my own way. It's not really something people tend to understand unless they've been through something similar.

There's even people in wheelchairs that get harassed by strangers because the stranger assumes that it's being faked. This is obviously an extreme example but it happens a lot more than you'd think.

Still though don't look down on that stranger, or your friends, for feeling this way. They don't have to understand because there's no need for them too, at least in the sense that it won't help them because it's not something they have to go through.

Instead of being upset at them for feeling the way they do, try and accept them and teach them instead. You never know, they might even have a reason for feeling as such (in my example above it could be that person had a parent who faked the disability).

The truth is though, they only see it through their own eyes and in their own way. There's a chance they'll never even understand but that's okay because they do see something is wrong and are trying to communicate, in their own way, to you that they're concerned.

The person who said that didn't say it for any negative reasons other than just to try and show you how concerned they are and how they feel seeing you go through this. They're showing you they care and trying to give you their eyes.

They can't understand completely (thus they don't see the differences) but they can try to share with you how they feel about it (thus they say it's similar, because to them, it is).

OP replies:

That's a really good way to look at it. Thank you... When you're the one going through something, it's really difficult to accept that other people are affected too.

I think that because I spent 99% of it alone, that they didn't have a right to be (?) Involved/concerned/affected? Someone else commented that how I feel watching Lily fade day by day is how she sees me... And it made me think.

I've been an absolute mess for weeks about it. Now I'm starting to understand their perspective better. You don't need to be involved in the daily care of someone to feel those things. And feeling those things is completely valid.

craftypartik writes:

I’d probably have the same fear if I were in your shoes too. But you’ll be fine, are you scared of your eating disorder relapsing and affecting your cat as a result? Because if so, believe me when I say your subconscious mind can push you through anything and you’ll do fine and handle your situation even if you feel like you can’t.

OP replies:

Yes that's exactly it... I've relapsed over and over for years, with longer periods of 'recovered' but it only got really bad a couple of years ago. And that's been a constant struggle of recovery and relapse again, but in a much quicker cycle.

She only stopped eating about 6-8 weeks ago, and we've only regularly been eating together a few weeks. It just feels like a lot of pressure and responsibility... I know having pets is a big responsibility on its own but this feels bigger. A relapse now could mean her death, you know? It's terrifying.

sunchup writes:

I think it is natural to feel guilty, but try to actively feel motivated instead. If you didn't before, you have a purpose now. Even if you don't eat a lot try eating a little. I can't say I know what you struggle with but I can say I understand how hard it can be.

I have what I call unconscious anorexia. I don't struggle with my body image but I do have a terrible natural appetite. When I am depressed it is practically non-existent and when I do eat it's mostly sugar and carbs.

But for me I have realized that when it comes to priorities it is more important to eat something (even if it is only a single bite of a muffin at 9am) than it is to eat nothing at all. Then when I actually am feeling hungry I will take more time to consider what I am actually eating in regards to my health and nutrition.

All of this to say, your cat came into your life for a reason, please don't disrespect that purpose for your own self-destructive thoughts. And if you haven't already, please look into therapy options.

And in all honesty, the thing that has helped me the most on my mental health journey has been taking care of myself despite what the world has done to me. Every bit of hate, anger, and frustration I have ever felt has been channeled into making me a better person.

And pets are an important part of that process because the bond we build with them is truly unshakable. Their love is eternal and all we have to do is love them and keep them safe. So don't feel guilty, feel loved, cared for, and appreciated.

And now, OP's update:

I was trying to reply to everyone, but this took off a whole lot more than I thought it would... I can't believe the awards from everyone, the comments and likes, but most importantly, the massive amounts of support from everyone...

Thank you for sharing your stories, your pets, your support, encouragement, and your belief in us to get better. I'm absolutely overwhelmed and I really wish I could thank you all personally.

Please know that I'm reading every comment and will try to reply but I do have therapy today so it may take a while.

Also, we've just had breakfast... Lily had chicken and duck, I had granola and yogurt.