Woman shares saga of friend's 'mysterious' pregnancy; 'Her induction timeline is way off. Things are getting creepy.' UPDATED 4X
When this woman is genuinely concerned for her friend's pregnancy, she asks the internet:
"I need a sanity check. Does my friend's pregnancy make ANY sense?"
I have a weird situation and I need a sanity check. Please tell me I'm not crazy for being concerned and skeptical.
Background: a friend of mine is 34 years old, first time mom, and currently 42.5 weeks pregnant. She says her doctor is not concerned at all. After her 41 week appt, I asked when she would be getting induced, since generally doctors don't let you go past 41 weeks.
She said her doctor didn't even talk about induction and baby is healthy, etc. Then a week later, she said her and her doctor briefly talked about induction and because she's dilated, doctor thinks she's in labor and to just come to the birthing center that night to check on progress.
She ended up not going in at all because "she's not cramping" and made another appointment with her doctor, which was yesterday.
She just let me know that her doctor said they'll induce her on Friday when she's 43 weeks! I'm absolutely baffled. I've given birth 3 times and every single time, they've told me that they rarely let women go past 41 weeks.
I'm starting to think something is going on. This friend is a bit of an odd duck. I have not seen her in person since she told us she was pregnant. She's turned down every offer for baby items, baby shower, walking buddy, etc.
She has sent over baby bump pics over the last few months. She has a really small build but does have a small bump I guess. Nothing that would make me think she's 3 weeks overdue. This is weird, right??
Comments agree that it is indeed strange but a few comments offer potential explanations.
Relevant Comments
mrun1: Midwife here. I think it’s entirely possible your friend and her doctor are going off different due dates. As many others have commented very few providers would be so relaxed about someone going >42 weeks. We often see a due date change after the dating scan but sometimes folks really latch onto their first “due date” that was based only on their last period.
MabelMyerscough: That would also make me very suspicious.. please let me/us know what the 'end result' is! Something sounds indeed shady.. but she's not in the same country as you guys right now? Is she in a country with very weird healthcare?
OP: She's in the US at a large health system. Her boyfriend lives in Europe. It's a weird situation all around. The boyfriend was supposed to come down for the birth but she's made excuses on why he's not here.
At first it was because he only had a week of vacation time and didn't want to get here too early and now it's that he'd rather spend that time with the baby after she's born. This friend was originally going to move to Europe for the birth but that never happened either...
MabelMyerscough: Interesting.. I'm not in the US but from what I read the US is even stricter with inducing early if needed and not past 41 weeks! Where I come from in EU they let you go until 42 weeks if all checkups are good, but not longer than that, ever..
Yeah maybe surrogate or something? I'd still be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.. has she shared pictures of nursery or something?
OP: No pictures. We even asked for an ultrasound picture when we got suspicious (we have a friend chat group) but she said she never got copies of the images. It's so shady!!
I've offered her my baby stuff that she might need but she doesn't want it for various reasons. So I'm actually a surrogate and she's well aware of my experience with it. I don't think she could afford it
DeepBackground5803: Is she someone you would have seen in person before pregnancy?
The 43 week induction is concerning to me. Weird especially that her doctor told her to go to the birthing center that night to get checked out, but she didn't because she wasn't cramping.
What do you think is going on? Do you think she secretly has a surrogate? Lying about being pregnant altogether?
OP: We see each other maybe once or twice a year so not super concerning. She has a boyfriend who she visited overseas, which is supposedly where she got pregnant. I'm thinking there's something shady going on but at some point... There's no baby.. lol
Update 1 (a few days later):
My friend said her water was starting to leak on Thursday around 2pm. She said her doctor told her not to come in until her contractions are 4 min apart. She was not currently having contractions but more sharp cramps. Friday morning, I checked in on her.
She said she's still not having contractions and she still plans to go in that night (last night) around 8pm. I text her around that time to wish her luck and I hope things go well, yadda yadda. She just said "thank you" and nothing else. No updates overnight.
My friend is a nurse at her delivery hospital and called me this morning, asking for an update because she's concerned about her water breaking nearly 48 hours ago and she hasn't had the baby.
So, she called her hospital to see if my friend was there and they have no record of her checking in at all. She plans to text her this morning and see if she says she is in the hospital or what. We are all in the same group chat, for reference.
This is all just so crazy. My nurse friend said there's no way her doctor wouldn't have her immediately come in if she's 43 weeks and her water broke. I have no idea what to think. This friend is always really open and texts us all the time with random updates so the radio silence is not normal for her.
Update 2:
Update 2: it's now been almost 48 hours since she's arrived at the hospital, supposedly. She has said multiple times that she's there and all is well. Zero pictures, updates, or information.
She's responding to other messages like normal. It's been 72 hours (I think) since her water broke and she's past 43 weeks now. This friend is one who sends tons of pictures when she's doing anything exciting so... This is definitely not like her. She has volunteered pregnancy related information the last several months.
We don't know how long to let this go. We all agree that we think there is no pregnancy or baby. We've all been friends since elementary school so this is hard for us to accept.
There's 3 options. 1) she's pregnant and lied about her due date for whatever reason. 2) she truly believes she's pregnant even though we are pretty sure she hasn't been a doctor. 3) she's just straight up lying.
This is hard for us because she hasn't posted on social media so if she wanted the attention, why not post there too? We are thinking that she's lied about previous life events. She was once engaged for years without any wedding or meeting the supposed fiance. I'm sad for her and mad/disappointed she is lying to us. What do we do??
Update 3:
I don't even know how to start. Friend has supposedely been in the hospital for several days at this point. I'm actually in St Lucia right now on vacation so don't have access to our chat group via texts so trying to get updates via FB.
One friend in that text group said she reached out privately and the friend said she had the baby but was too stressed to send pics or updates. So she reached out to the other friend in the chat who said she also reached out to the pregnant friend who said she has NOT had the baby and was starting pitocin that day. So she's now telling people different things
And now, another reddit user reached out via PM. She posted a topic on the Pregnancy subreddit about this exact story. Someone linked her to my posts. I can confirm it is indeed the same person. The main details she has shared are the same with a few things that are off from what I was told.
We are actively trying to get a hold of her parents. They moved recently and no longer have the landline number but we are very concerned.
Edit 4: one friend in our group was able to find pregnant friends home address. This friend is closest to her between all of us. She is going to go over this evening and is prepared to talk to her. We talked to someone we know who is a psychologist and helped us with what to say, how she might react, etc. her parents should be there as well.
Pregnant friend has told one friend that she had the baby yesterday and another friend that she just had the baby an hour ago and is being discharged, which is just impossible.
We think she truly believes she is pregnant based off a pregnancy test and it was likely a chemical pregnancy.
She never met with a doctor because other tests were negative and I think deep down, she was afraid a doctor would confirm that there is no baby. So, she decided to carry on as if she was pregnant and now she has tricked herself into thinking she is pregnant.
We also found the baby daddy from Europe. He is married. We believe maybe they had an affair. His wife may have already tried talking to pregnant friend and accused her of lying. Or, maybe she found some random guy and made the whole thing up. We have no idea. We are going to urge her to go to a mental health facility in her town.
Relevant Comments:
ruebarbara_: Dude! I had a life long friend do this to me in 2022. Lied the whole way through the pregnancy. Had a baby shower. Bought a fake bump. Boyfriend was excited to be a dad. But none of us actually hung out together. Literally no one knew it was all a lie until she went in for her “induction” and instead she actually fled the state because she was in too deep and didn’t know what to do.
Her mom called me and asked what doctor she sees, I gave her the name. She called the clinic and this friend never showed up for her confirmation of pregnancy appointment. Her mom was so embarrassed but also worried. Friend ended up going to inpatient psych for a few days.
She’s a pathological liar. We are no longer friends as this wasn’t the first time she had lied about something major and I just don’t have the mental space for that. It was a wild ride that actually caused me a lot of anxiety.
OP: Oh my God. that's what I'm thinking now.. how is she going to get out of the lie??
NoYesterday_6662: I wonder if she feels like she’s “ behind “ in the friend group. So she makes stuff up to feel better. Idk if any of the other friends maybe are married or have kids? So she’s making things up to feel like she’s not “ left out “?
OP: Yeah she's always wanted kids. There's one other friend who is unmarried, no kids.
bananapajama1: when is the last time you saw her in person? :o is that normal for your friendship?
OP: It's probably been a year but yeah that's normal. We try to see each other twice a year. I did offer to see her; throw a shower, be her walking buddy, go shopping for baby stuff. She didn't take me up on any of it.
Now that is odd. Originally when she told us she was pregnant, she said she was moving to Europe with the boyfriend so it was just so chaotic there for a while, according to her.
Beckella: She’ll claim she had a stillbirth for the attention.
OP: I think she's convinced herself that she's really pregnant. She did maternity photos and everything but she doesn't really look pregnant. Bloated maybe
JG0923: Is she one to lie about things in general? I had a friend like that who lied about A LOT of things in her life and we didn’t realize it for years and years
OP: Looking back at the things she's said over the years, it's possible. She had a fiance for 5 years that I never met. Wondering if that was a lie. Ugh
Resource-National: This is crazy! I “met” a woman on a fertility fb group who is telling me the exact same thing! She lives in Kansas City apparently and has no baby bump and has told me for months she’s been bullied by friends and co workers. She has sent me bump pictures and even photos from her maternity shoot.
Literally same story- leaking fluid on Thursday and it’s Sunday and no baby. Today she told me she’s 42 and 6!!! And even said her friends are “attacking” her saying she’s not even pregnant! Really curious if it’s the same woman.
OOP: Wow, same woman. I saw your PM. This is wild.
Update 4 (a different friend corroborates the story):
I think I may have befriended a person who is faking their pregnancy. We met on an online fertility community and both got pregnant around the same time. We’ve checked in on each other through our “pregnancies”.
She claims to have a very small bump, which I know can happen, and has more or less been bullied by friends and co workers. She’s sent me bump pics throughout her pregnancy and there is no bump.
She’s post term now. Around 40 weeks she claimed to be spotting for a week saying it was her “bloody show”. I tried to keep an open mind because even tho this is my second pregnancy and none of my friends had a bloody show like that, hey, anything is possible right? Now she claims to have been leaking amniotic fluid since Thursday night.
She messaged me Friday afternoon and my response was to call her dr or go to labor and delivery to be checked. She claimed that it was confirmed to be amniotic fluid and she was told to go home since she wasn’t having contractions. I found that odd considering she was past the 24 hr mark.
Today she says she’s still leaking fluid and has no contractions. Then I asked her how far long she is and she said 42.6. Prior to this, the first thing she said to me was how she was so upset because her close friends were accusing her of faking a pregnancy. I found that really odd.
But after the 42.6 I have to wonder. When I suggested she got to l&d immediately it seemed like groundbreaking news to her (“will they help labor speed up?”). She said she was treated at the er on Friday, which my understanding is that anything pregnancy related always goes through l&d.
I realize not everyone has a provider who educates them or takes it upon themselves to learn the basics of pregnancy. Maybe she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. But now I’m thinking this person is either fake or totally lying about being pregnant. Either way it’s bizarre!! Does any ob permit pregnancy past 42 weeks in the us?!
Edit:Wow- the number of comments saying they’ve seen this similar story questioning this woman’s pregnancy is insane. For the record I’ve never told this woman any identifying features other than I live on the west coast.
No photos etc. this is through Facebook and my profile is extremely private and we are NOT Facebook friends! Thank you for your concern. My mind def went to all of the horror stories.
Final Update (From OP):
A lot has happened in the last 24 hours. Previous posts can be found in my history. I'll link to them later.
Pregnant friend will be called El in this post for simplicity sake.
El has told different friends different stories over the last couple days. She told one friend that she gave birth yesterday, but another friend that she gave birth today and is already home and doing well. The friend closest to her was able to find her home address (she moved recently).
Friend went to the delivery hospital to double check that she wasnt there. They confirmed they had no patient with that name. She called El. She asked El where she was and El said she was leaving the hospital right now.
Friend said "well I am here so I'll help you walk out". That's when El broke down and admitted everything after my friend was able to meet her at her house. Here's the gist:
El visited her boyfriend in Europe. A few weeks later, she thought she might be pregnant. She took a test and it had an incredibly faint line.
She started posting in pregnancy FB groups asking for confirmation. Then she went to the doctor and asked for an ultrasound. They confirmed that there was no baby.
El was convinced they were lying to her. She says she went to another boutique ultrasound place and they did a 3d scan and found a baby and did an entire pregnancy scan. (We don't believe this actually happened).
Then El started getting symptoms, her belly starting growing and she fully convinced herself that she was pregnant. She did maternity photos, prepped for a baby and told her workplace and parents. She never went back to the doctor because she was convinced they were all lying to her.
Once she hit "full term", she starting getting anxious. She thought she was cramping, losing her mucus plug, and her water broke. She didn't know what to do because the doctors wouldn't help her. Once she went past 43 weeks, she decided to go to the hospital (yesterday).
She showed up with her hospital bags packed and her parents went with her. She told the front desk that she was 43 weeks pregnant and was ready to have her baby. I don't know what all happened here but they basically turned her away and told her she was not pregnant or having a baby.
We think her parents started to figure it all out a week or so ago, but didn't know the extent of the lies. They have always let El do whatever she wants and pay for her entire lifestyle. We assume she lied to them about everything.
Friend said El does have a swollen belly that looks like she's 20ish weeks. They talked for a long time and she is grieving this lost pregnancy/baby. She legitimately thought she was going to give birth.
We think she is suffering from a phantom pregnancy. Thank you to the redditor who told me about this. I had never heard of it.
We are all very upset for her and realize that we need to be very careful. We are not going to attack her or confront her as a group. We have a mental health resource ready to help her, if we can delicately get her to agree to go.
This is not how I thought this would all play out. This is all so unbelievable. I appreciate everyone who reached out and commented with words of support.
Relevant Comments:
linny93: You mentioned in your last post that the “father” is married. Did you get any update on that situation? Did she choose a random European guy and say it was her fiancé?
OP: She seems to think they are together but his FB says otherwise. He has posts with his wife on trips, etc. we just don't know yet.
cherb30: I’m a little confused, forgive me for being skeptical!
Do women who lose a baby 20+ weeks ago still have a noticeable baby bump? What do you mean they “turned her away and told her she was not pregnant”… did they take a pregnancy test or just turn her away? Did any of your friends become concerned that she waited til 43 weeks to go to the doctor to deliver?
That is super late. Also I’m really surprised the hospital would have disclosed she was/was not a pregnant patient there. Anyway just my initial questions on this!
OP: We all started getting very suspicious at 41 weeks when she said her doctors didn't want to induce her and it grew with each week she went past. We were very very concerned, hence my initial post.
I don't know if the hospital did any tests or checked her in any way. I'm shocked they wouldn't have her meet with a social worker or something. She def does not look pregnant enough to give birth.
She's a very tiny girl normally so any weight gain in her stomach would be very noticeable. She probably weighs 100-110 pounds. I think it was probably obvious she wasn't ready to give birth and they maybe told her to go to the ER when she wasn't in their patient system.
We are trying to sort between the truth and lies she's spun trying to convince herself and others.
OOP (in response to a deleted comment): She isn't actually pregnant but she truly believes she was pregnant, enough to convince her body that she was. It's called a phantom or hysterical pregnancy.
She's having a mental health episode. She's not insane but she does need professional support. She thought she was coming home with a baby. That's what she is grieving. She's wanted to be a mom so badly.