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Woman betrayed by the two people she trusted the most, 'And to do this to me WHILE I'm in MOURNING.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATES.

Woman betrayed by the two people she trusted the most, 'And to do this to me WHILE I'm in MOURNING.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATES.


When this woman feels like she's been betrayed by everyone she trusted the most and can't move forward, she asks Reddit:

"I have just been betrayed by the 2 people I trusted most and I don’t know what to feel anymore. AITA?"

I’m sorry if this is annoying I can’t stop thinking about it and for some reason I feel more secure venting it to strangers rather than people who know me and can judge me more in-depth.

I won’t lie, I have been suspecting my fiancé was having an affair but I didn’t have any solid evidence to accuse him even then I had a feeling that I didn’t want to dig any deeper because I was scared incase what I was suspecting was true.

12 days ago I came home from visiting my moms and I headed upstairs to wake my fiancé as he had a habit of sleeping in way past 2pm and then complain that I didn’t wake him, I open the door and all I see is my practically naked sister rushing to try and get out of a lingerie body suit that belonged to me...

I don’t know how to explain it but my mind just went blank like whatever I was thinking about beforehand suddenly disappeared you know when you stand up to fast and your head just gets a little dizzy? That’s what I felt alongside the feeling of sickness brewing in my stomach.

I stood there for a solid 30 seconds looking at the 2 people I trusted most look more shocked than I felt, my fiancé jumped out of bed and suddenly came up with excuses it went from “it was an accident.” To “I was lonely and needed sexual relief.”

I probably should add my best friend killed herself 2 weeks ago the girl I knew for over 15 years was suddenly out of my life and even though I’m surrounded by people ive told my fiancé about how alone, devastated and guilty that I couldn’t have done anything to help her.

I just left, I didn’t take my car because at that point my eyes were about to just started flooding, I walked to my friends (10minutes) and confided in her about what happened.

The amount of grief I felt from not only loosing a BFF but loosing my relationships with my fiancé and sister within the same 2 week period, now that I’m sitting down to write this I don’t know if any of these relationships will ever be mended or could ever go back to the way they were, I don’t understand why my sister of all people would do this?

There was never any favouritism toward any of us for her to feel spite, I have never intentionally tried to hurt her , I gave her shelter when she had no place to go and despite her not paying a single penny I bought her food that she like...

made sacrifices in my own home for her, hell she kept ranting about how our living room walls gave her a headache (they were white.) so I took time out of my day to paint it a nice grey color.

My fiancé too, I gave that man everything I was willing to have kids with him despite the fact I always wanting to be child free, I was going to start a family so that he was happy.

I gave him comfort whenever something bad happened to him I spent hours watching unfunny movies that he seemed to find hilarious, I even gave him a fucking locket with our anniversary photo in that he decided to wear while sticking it in my sister.

These last days I’ve went from sadness, to being angry then disgusted and it’s a constant cycle Ive not been able to get out of, despite being smoking free for 2 years I’ve picked up a cigarette (I used to be heavily addicted to smoking from 16-21 I’m currently 23.)

there’s the moments when I go to do something but automatically loose interest and even times over dinner, I don’t know how to explain it properly as I’ve never felt this way but Im bored(?) of eating I have to physically force myself to eat something and I have no idea what’s going on to my body at this very moment.

for some reason it feels as if I’ve went into hibernation, I sleep almost 17 hours a day now and even for the rest of those hours I’m still tired and force myself to stay awake.

Both of them asked to meet up on Wednesday my sisters exact message was; “Hey I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now but can you meet me and [fiancé] we want to talk and we want you to properly hear us out.

The situation you found us in was not the most ideal situation to put you in a good headspace to talk about it right there and then, please let us explain I love you and you’re my sister and I don’t want to loose you, please.”

I think it’s too late, it was too late from whenever this affair started or even when you started getting sexual desires for my fiancé I miss my sister but according to what I saw the sister I miss and whoever my sister is now are not the same person.

I haven’t talked to anyone yet except the 1 friend im currently staying with at the moment, I’m scared I’ll be seen as a failure of a future wife, but now I don’t even think I want to be a wife anymore but I guess I’d rather share to strangers than people who know me personally, I apologize again.

OP takes a break, then updates her first post:

Hi! Me again, I’m back and editing the post. At first I was just going to dump this vent to get it out of my mind but I want to say thank you for everyone’s advice, I guess this counts as a small update?

I’m unsure. So far nothing big has really happened, the friend I’m staying with has offered to come with me to talk to my parents about this also including my older brother, she honestly been my rock through this whole situation and I couldn’t ask...

for a better support system from one person though I don’t plan on putting that on her shoulders since it would be stressful to be the “designated support system friend.” I’m currently looking into therapy for both my grief and the affair.

I’m not well versed legal wise so I’m currently in the process of looking for a lawyer just so legally I know I’m in the clear incase there would be a loophole somewhere.

I did contact my sister and another copy pasted message I replied; “I don’t plan on meeting with you on Wednesday, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready and wether it be tomorrow or years from now it doesn’t matter you both owe me my own time to heal after the 2 people I’ve trusted most went behind my back, betrayed my trust all under my roof that you both lived rent free under, Bye.”

I can’t lie, I was almost ready to tell her to meet me there and then when she sent that message but I’ve realised (and through help of people in the comments that I can’t thank enough) I need time to work on myself mentally rather than repair a long gone relationship with my sister.

No I don’t plan on going back to my ex and never will, maybe one day I’ll hear him out but today is not that day.

As for now I’m getting ready to try and explain to my parents everything that happened, I don’t have any evidence between my ex and sister however I do have their messages they sent me which traps one another (I think that’s the right wording?)

But anyways thank you all for the advice and kind comments & messages have a good day or night!

Before we give you OP's startling updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

aetheus writes:

You have nothing to apologise for, and nothing to be ashamed about. None of this was your fault. You've suffered a horrible betrayal by a family member and a partner. Again, none of this was your fault.

To hell with your ex-fiance. To hell with your sister. No amount of apologies or excuses should smooth over a betrayal of this magnitude.

Can you move out to a more permanent location? Can your friend help you to pick up your things? Have you considered speaking to your family about this?

And again, none of this is your fault. And nobody is going to fault you for not being able to be your best right now. Lean on the other people in your life right now if you can - it's gonna be a bumpy ride, but you can pull through this.

ithinknot8 writes:

It’s ok to feel horrible right now. What they did to you was horrible. They are horrible people. But right now is also the time you work out how you have to go forward. So take all these steps to protect yourself and make sure these two monsters never have access to you again.

Tell people. I know it’s super fg painful and embarrassing, but people need to know. If you don’t tell them how trashy these two people were, then the trash bags get to control the narrative.

They get to spin some pathetic love story and make you out to be the bad guy. That’s unacceptable. They (friends and family) need to know that these two monsters were sleeping together behind your back days after your bestie passed away. They are gross and everyone should know it and that you don’t accept it.

Evict him (then) not sure if sister lives there too. But serve notice and give them the standard notice. (Most places are 30 days but others might vary so check locally.) let them know they aren’t to take any furniture or anything that’s yours. Nothing of value. Just his clothes and go.

Don’t meet with them in private at all. Never meet with them in private again. They wanna railroad you and continue to be horrible people. F that noise. Take your friend with you when you have to go back to the house. If they try and accost you you want witnesses who can attest to their behavior.

don’t punish yourself for the way you feel. Don’t punish yourself for having to grieve and deal with this loss. You have been betrayed by the two people who should have been there for you. It’s hard to cope with but you deserve to have all your feels.

therapy. Finding some help to deal with the pain, the grief. Giving you some basis to build again. You don’t want their fucked up drama to wreck the rest of your life. But you’ll need help coming to terms with it all and build up your ability to trust again.

be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. It’ll be hard and you’ll stumble and then youll think it’ll be insurmountable but you will get through. Just be kind to yourself while you do that work.

You’ll get through this and be so much better for cutting these horrible people out of your lives. Lean on your friends now.

mybeatingheart writes:

Girl, you are not a failure. They are. They’re the monsters. Both of them. You are dealing with the highest form of betrayal: from your blood and from who you considered to be your future.

You deserve so much better than the bullshitting they are putting you through. There is nothing to explain their selfishness and betrayal. ESPECIALLY considering the fact that you are mourning you friend.

You deserve a partner who truly loves you. You deserve a loyal sister. Not people who try to explain away the hurt they’ve caused you. Your sister was wearing your clothes!!! They were in your room!!! They knew what they were doing!!

You now have to make a choice for your own mental health. I would not advise you to but If you do decide to meet up with them, DO NOT GO ALONE. The message they left you was only about what they want. "WE WANT to talk to you and WE WANT you to properly hear us out" They are making this about their needs instead of yours. F THEM!!! That’s some classic gaslighting speech.

They know you are currently in an already fragile state of mind due to your mourning and they’re already trying to use this to their advantage. They’ll make it seem as if you must forgive them because YOU NEED THEM in these difficult times.

If you are in a good place with the rest of your family, please let them know. Do not keep this to yourself. Surround yourself with people who truly love. Is there a way for you to move out?

Take control of the narrative before they try and start to spin it the way they want it to. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Once again, you are not a failure. You did NOTHING WRONG!!! F THEM!!!!

curious382 writes:

You are still in,shock. Do not force yourself into more toxic encounters because they feel ready to talk. You are deeply hurt. Take all the time you need with people who love and support you. You have nothing to be sorry for, concerning your actions. You were honest and sincere.

They were not. You have the right to tell your story your way to anyone you want. You don't owe them any "shielding" from the consequences when their selfish cruel betrayal comes to light. No one gets to gatekeep your perceptions, feelings or actions. Certainly not the people who betrayed you.

Then, OP provides her first major update:

I did tell my parents, the whole conversation was really hard for me. They where furious but it was obvious by how my dad was responding to things I was saying he was much more angry at my sister than my mom which I understand since he came from a broken home due to his fathers infidelity.

My mom wanted to go LC at first because she didn’t want to outright cut off her daughter and I understood but I didn’t tell them the truth with the intent she be cut off and I did let them know that all I wanted from the conversation was an understanding that I will not be in the same room never mind the same building as her at the same time.

My dad did call me one evening to let me know that my sister and my ex showed up for a surprise dinner and gave a sob story about how things happen. The funniest thing they said was “sometimes people fall in love with the wrong person to meet the right one.” - said by the woman who currently cheats on the man she supposedly loves.

My sister did get fully cut off after she got caught stealing from my aunts house, she was suppose to babysit and stole all sorts of things like electronics and my nephews stuff.

As for meeting up with them, I did not. I decided that at the time it would not help me at all to meet up with them and I’m just assuming they wanted to try and clear their guilty conscious.

I do get occasional messages from random accounts on social media from them but I’ve choose to ignore them and stop focusing on something I know will only hurt me in he future.

And now, OP's final, major update:

I honestly forgot about this account until the friend I was staying with (I’ll just name her Alice) sent me a tiktok where one of those AI voices reads a Reddit post and you’d never guess who’s post it was reading? Mine lol.

I wanted to log back on as I wanted to thank the people who showed me more kindness than people I was supposed to trust and also the people who seemed interested in my life. Can’t blame them when I read something that has some drama I do also become invested.

I’ll start with myself. I got myself into therapy and began taking care of myself and myself only. Entering my relationship with my ex I hadn’t noticed how much time I spent taking care of him and neglecting myself and my needs.

It was one of those relationships that you didn’t notice the faults until you leave and become a sort of Spector of what the relationship actually was.

I think part of me was so invested in believing he was a good guy because how past relationships had hurt me before that I tried very hard to hold onto the idea that I had finally found someone who was different.

Loving the wrong person can lead to devastating consequences and I just happened to do that exact thing.

Whenever I had seen stories before about people staying with their cheating partner I was so quick to criticise how stupid that would be and thought “what did you expect.” When they cheat again again, but now that I’ve been through that it was eye opening.

It’s not easy to just up and leave behind someone you had invested so much love, time and effort into. Yes you can loose all love for that person in seconds but you never loose the feeling of the love you felt before if that makes sense.

After I found out I did want to try and work it out for many reasons but through the help of my therapist she helped me realise that I wanted to stay because after my best friends death he was the only thing that felt familiar in the moment.

Everyone is growing up and moving away in my life, I was in a position that I felt so alone. But to expect people not to change is to not allow growth.

They moved out of my house and I moved back in, I won’t lie it was lonely. I was so used to other voices in my home that it felt empty. But an empty room is open to hundreds of ideas in my opinion. I redecorated with the help of friends and some family and even though I had lost 2 people thanks to them I was able to make memories that I’ll cherish.

I won’t try and cover up that before I got therapy I was indeed a wreck. I was just so tired of disappointment from my ex that the cheating was the final blow that knocked me back into reality.

My sisters betrayal hurt way worse because we share the same parents, we used to share bunk beds and without my knowledge shared the same partner. But I owe them a thanks for allowing me to remove people who clearly had no good intentions.

I will always love my sister even though I don’t want to but sometimes there are strings attached to people that just can’t be cut and she is one of them. I’ll never welcome her into my home again but I’ll answer the phone if she was at her lowest, even though she was a snake in my garden doesn’t mean she’s not my sister.

She did try to call a couple of weeks after she had moved out and at first I was angry at her. I honestly just wanted to hit her with everything I had but when I answered and heard her voice I just felt sorry for her.

Everyone in my family knew how terrible she was and just for some pleasure she ruined the last relationship that was trying to help her. I just think she’s a very self-destructive person that will never learn.

they were constantly staying at different friends houses because they couldn’t afford to rent anywhere. My sister is apparently cheating on my ex with random people. And none of them are able to hold down a job. I would say karma but it’s just sad.

My ex traded someone who became a push over for him, who gave him everything she could for someone who couldn’t give a shit about him.

I wish them well. I deserve better than that and I just hope one day they grow up and begin to become better people than who they are right now.

My family no longer talk to my sister so she’s on her own some things I hear about her reminds me of just a confused child. However I did see her on New Year’s Eve, me and some friends went clubbing because why not?

And we unintentionally ran into her, at first I tried to ignore her and just pretend I didn’t see her but she ended up coming up to me and tried to talk to me as if nothing happened. As the ex-partner I wanted to slap her, but as her sister I wanted to hug her and ask her why.

But I just left. after we remove labels of sister or her partners ex or whatever we share the same dna and that will always be the thing that connects us.

As for my dating life, I’m currently seeing someone and have been doing since November ‘23. I deserve happiness, and I deserve a lot more than what my ex gave me.

However I’m still dealing with issues from that relationship that has me in moments of guilt of not giving my full trust, I’m happy that he understands and listens to me when I have concerns but I don’t want to constantly live with issues I carried because of someone else.

We’re taking it slow and he always reassures me, he’s a good guy and I’m happy he’s in my life. I will find my peace with the situation eventually but I’ll have to work to get to that point and that’s okay.

Sorry for the whole ramble but this is still sort of a vent post. I have a lot of mixed emotions that I haven’t been able to untangle. Thank you to everyone who listened, reached out and gave advice I appreciate that so much and I hope everyone had a good new year.

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's updates:

tightcheetah writes:

I'm sorry this happened to you, and i can only imagine how painful it was but consider it a bullet dodged. Think into the distant future after you married him maybe had kids the mess that would've been. But now you're free and moving on and getting better and thriving. I'm sorry to hear about your friend as well.

Hopefully OP is doing better! Any advice for her in this horrifying situation?

Sources: Reddit
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