Woman SHOCKED when husband accuses her of major crime; 'I had NOTHING to do with Laura's accident.' UPDATED 3X

When this woman is shocked to be accused by her husband of a crime, she asks the internet:

"My (30f) husband (33m) accused me of a major crime out of the blue. How do I salvage this?"

This is long and ridiculous. Sorry. My (30f) husband, Luke (33m), had a sister, Laura (29f). We were all close and saw each other 2-3 times a month, along with their parents. Almost 6 months ago, Laura fell down the stairs at their family home and died. It was a freak accident, there's a window on the half landing and she hit her head on the sill.

I was the last person to see her. I was there for less than 10 minutes and she was in her pyjamas making coffee. I didn't even stay for a drink, and I struggle with how such a brief and meaningless interaction could have been her last. She deserved so much more.

My husband and I have only been married for a year but we've been together for 4 and have known each other for 20+. When Laura's parents found her they called my husband straight away and we rushed over. We faced the whole thing as a family. In the days after, Luke started quizzing me.

Exactly what we talked about, what she was wearing, where we were standing etc. It progressed to saying I was providing conflicting information (on tiny details he was deliberately misunderstanding) and accusing me of withholding information because I couldn't tell him things like what pyjamas she was wearing.

This escalated quickly but lasted for less than a week, as I lost my cool and made it clear that I was done answering questions. He didn't bring it up again and I wrote it off as a grief quirk. His behaviour was generally that of a normal, grieving person.

Last Friday, he outright accused me of murdering her, in front of his parents. Out of the blue. We were all stunned. There was an inquest which recently concluded, and there was never any doubt the verdict would be accidental death.

He said it was completely obvious and he couldn't believe that no one else could see it.

He claims I went through his phone and found his messages with Laura (I have absolutely no idea what messages he's talking about, I have never looked at his phone) and that I went over to confront her and things "got out of hand" and I pushed her downstairs.

By the end he was shouting about going to the police and getting the inquest overturned, and how I wasn't going to get away with it. Let me be clear - Laura and I had a great relationship.

We all did. I have no idea where this has come from, other than these messages I haven't seen, and even then, I don't think there's anything I could ever see on someone's phone that would drive me to murder. It's just ridiculous.

He's been with his parents since this happened and will not talk to me at all. I've had some contact with his mum but she's not being very communicative. The last I heard, she didn't know what messages he was referring to either.

I am still completely stunned and I have no idea how to proceed. I made a commitment to be there for him always, and I understand that grief can manifest in strange ways, but part of me feels like my love for him died the second he called me a murderer and I don't know how we could possibly work through this.

I also really don't want to be thought of in this way and I have no idea if he has said anything to people we know. I obviously haven't.

A brain tumour or psychotic break has crossed my mind and I suggested it to his mother, and she just said she'll talk to him. Other than the questions before, he hasn't been acting odd. Obviously he's been grieving, but he's seemed sane and sensible other than this. I feel like I'm going mad, does anyone have any advice at all?

Tl;Dr - My husband's sister died in a horrible accident, and my husband, for absolutely no reason other than some mystery messages, thinks I murdered her.

Edit: it has come to my attention that I accidentally used "Laura's" real name once in this post. Can I kindly ask that anyone who commented "Who is (realname)?" delete their comment as I really don't want this to bleed into my real life. For obvious reasons.

Relevant Comments: Morall_tach: F no. You don't salvage this, you get a lawyer and get the f out.

Best case scenario, he has just admitted to sending messages with his sister that he thinks would make you angry enough to kill her over them. I have some ideas about what those might be and they're all bad.

How did the parents react when he did this?

OOP: When he first laid out the accusation, at his parents house, both his mother and I just kept asking him about the messages and all he would say was that I know exactly what messages he was talking about.

She was as stunned as me, and his father just said he didn't understand what he was talking about. He's a man of few words but there was plenty of head shaking. The whole thing was surreal, no one knew how to react.

I honestly don't know what kind of lawyer I would even speak to about this. From what I'm aware, the coroner's decision can't be appealed and the police can't launch an investigation into an accidental death.

I don't think I'm quite ready for divorce, we haven't spoken since his accusation (and I walked out about 5 minutes after he threw it out), and I have no idea what his frame of mind is.

WonderfulPrior381: You need to get a lawyer to protect yourself in case he does go to the police. I would write down everything that you can remember that happened that day and keep it just in case.

He may be having a psychotic break. As stated don’t talk to him or his immediate family or your friends without someone present or preferably by text or email. Save everything. You need to take his accusations seriously and cover your ass.

OOP: I was interviewed by the coroner's office after her death as I was the last person to see her. She died about 3 hours after I saw her, and I'd been to the supermarket and was home by that point. It's all verifiable and was a recorded interview.

I haven't spoken to anyone but his mother, and that's only been over messages. She's never been a big texter but she has seemed very cagey over the past few days. I don't know if this means she's seen the messages. I've asked and been ignored.

Grolschisgood: I think they mean record everything you remember about the day your soon to be ex accused you of murder.

OOP: I'm feeling so freaked out at the idea that he came up with this almost immediately after her death, and has either been sitting on it or planning his confrontation, that I'm basically trying to dissect the past 6 months.

Maybe it's time I start writing things down. Right until it happened, things felt very normal. Obviously her death has been felt deeply by all of us and things aren't anything like they were, but there have been no signs of anything like this, even on the day.

OOP ON GETTING THE MESSAGES

I'm absolutely desperate to see these messages, because I'm right there with you on the sheer whackiness of what they have to contain. It hadn't occurred to me that they might not exist, I've never known him to lie but I do think a mental health issue is a real possibility.

His relationship with his sister didn't seem odd, and I've never been interested in his phone, but he's never been defensive about it either, so I think you might be right. If I had such incriminating messages, I'd probably worry about them before now.

When told to find an old IPad to use to access them

I HAVE HIS ICLOUD PASSWORD. It has a backup from yesterday. I have no idea how to turn this into something I can actually use, it doesn't have a messages folder or any signs of how to use it for anything other than restoring a whole phone, which I don't want to do.

Does anyone know how to actually get the messages from this? Sorry to throw a tech support request in. I can't believe I didn't think of this. Huge thanks to the person who suggested it.

Update 1:

I'm in a bizarre and complex situation with my husband. I have broken the law, and I feel I have no choice but to do so again for my safety. I don't know what type of solicitor I need or what the next steps should look like. We're in England, and I'll try not to editorialise too much.

My husband's sister died suddenly at the start of the year. Her death was an accident and there was no suggestion to the contrary. The inquest was recently concluded and a verdict of accidental death returned.

I was the last person to see her, but her time of death, which was almost immediate due to her injury, was confirmed to be hours after I had left the house. All of this was verified at the time.

In the immediate aftermath, my husband behaved strangely and kept trying to trip up my story of the last time we saw each other, which was a brief interaction. Last week (months after this was first and last mentioned) he outright accused me of murder, in front of his parents.

He says I saw his messages with his sister and confronted her, and that he's going to have the coroner decision overturned and have the police investigate. I haven't seen or heard from him since (today is day 9).

I posted for advice on reddit (I'm pretty desperate at this point) and it has spooked me, quite reasonably I think, but also led to me committing a crime and planning another.

My husband's icloud credentials were saved on an old iPad in his office, and I downloaded his backup last night. I have read all of his messages with his sister, and there is absolutely nothing like he describes.

I understand this is illegal and I'm concerned about the possible ramifications. I am also waiting for a callback from a locksmith to change the locks on the home we own together, which I believe is also against the law.

So this leads to my actual questions: I feel justified in what I've done for my safety, but is there a degree of pragmatism under the law for these issues because of the situation, or am I shooting myself in the foot?

I am resigned to the fact my relationship is over, but his parents don't seem to be taking this seriously and they're icing me out. I believe this is a serious mental health issue which may put people, namely me, at risk.

Can I do anything about this when all I have is the fact I'm being accused of murder? I feel he needs to be detained and this should be investigated as a full blown psychotic break.

Sorry this is all a bit mental. In addition, what type of solicitor do I need? My understanding is that a coroner decision can't be appealed, is that correct? Are his accusations going to go anywhere?

Can I protect myself from this or stop him escalating to telling others? We live in our hometown and everyone knows everyone, this could follow me forever and it's either a lie or a delusion. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Relevant Comments

When told OOP can't lock out her husband or force him to get a psych evaluation

OOP: Thank you so much for your response. Locking each other our doesn't sound like a pattern I want to get into, but I think I'll go ahead and change them once on the basis that it isn't "you did this so you have to leave the house, and also you'll be prosecuted" levels of seriousness.

In terms of him being deemed to lack capacity, is there any way I can trigger the process that you know of? Is something like this sufficient for the mental health act to kick in?

I've been googling and "You can be detained if professionals think your mental health puts you or others at risk, and you need to be in hospital" seems very vague.

Obviously I'm biased, but accusing someone of murder and screaming about how they aren't going to get away with it feels like risky behaviour. Does he need to have made explicit threats or is there a clearer bar to meet? Sorry for asking so many questions.

No-Firefighter-9257: You are jumping ahead of yourself and playing out situations that have not occurred

If your husband reports you to the police for accessing his data and you are subsequently arrested or taken in for questioning then obtain the services of a criminal solicitor for advice

With respect of changing locks/ending your marriage, seek a solicitor that deals with family law/divorce

If you feel that you are at risk from your husband talk to a domestic abuse helpline, if you feel you are at an immediate risk of harm then call the police

If you think your husband is mentally ill and presents a risk to himself or others call the police

OOP: I don't think that's a fair assessment. Being accused of arguably the most serious crime to exist has most definitely occurred.

My understanding of the law is that something is illegal whether you are reported to the police or not. Those messages are evidence as far as I'm concerned, that his accusations are false. They were apparently the trigger to me literally murdering someone I was extremely close to. I have illegally accessed them, and I don't think it's unreasonable to enquire as to the potential impact of that.

I am fully aware that I need a solicitor, but as you're probably aware, today is Sunday. I don't know if I need to seek someone out based on a divorce (which honestly, if this is a mental health issue, is not going to be something I go for) or a criminal solicitor, or someone who deals with the mental health act (as my absolute priority preference is getting him assessed).

My only exposure to the legal system in my entire life was through the inquest, and that is obviously completely different to any of this. I'm not educated in this area.

Commenter: It's sad (and slightly suspicious?) that OP is jumping ahead to mental health assessments to defend themselves from accusations of murder when their husband is clearly going through some serious issues coping with the death of his sister.

OOP: What else can I do? He has blocked me everywhere, and we went from a normal couple dealing with the new normal 6 months after the death of his sister, to me being accused of murder over a family dinner because of messages which clearly don't exist, and it's been 9 days and I've heard nothing since.

Can I remind you that the inquest was held and concluded. I dropped off some tupperware, grabbed an umbrella I'd left behind the previous week, went to a big Tesco, then went home and called my mum. I was already home by the time she died, and my whereabouts were extremely easy to verify because my husband was home all day.

It's obvious that he's going through some serious issues coping with the death of his sister, that is the exact point of all of this.

Update 2:

Firstly, thank you to those who helped me get to my husband's icloud backups through an old iPad. I wasn't expecting much from reddit, but I got valuable practical advice before my post was locked, and I appreciate it.

There were no crazy, or even suspicious messages. I've searched for over 100 terms and scrolled back over years. I saw a side of them both I wasn't expecting, but nothing that explains the claim I murdered Laura over their chats. Nothing to suggest he was cheating.

Absolutely nothing to suggest incest. I repeat: NO INCEST. No weird gaps where deleted conversations or a switch to another app would fit. Just siblings making plans, sending memes, and gossiping. They said unexpectedly horrible stuff about a few people, but not me. It was a sort of relief but it raised more questions than it answered.

I sought legal advice, also from reddit, after posting here. Turns out my options are divorce him or sit down. I contacted my community mental health team, who said they'd reach out, but made it clear it wasn't urgent.

I then called his mum and said that if I didn't hear from him by this weekend, I would get a solicitor and ask for a mental heath assessment as part of the divorce. In response, he made a ridiculous post to Facebook (which neither of us have used in years) and everything blew up. I'm going to try to keep this succinct.

On Friday night, he made a long accusation on Facebook, with new information. He said he'd been planning to leave me for months with his sister's support, and I found the messages, and murdered her.

The coroner has reopened the case and the police are preparing to arrest me, and he needs to make sure people know before the trial stops him talking about it. It was well written and seemed vaguely plausable.

He messaged people links so it got some attention - we live in our hometown, and have a large circle of friends because we've been here all our lives. People I haven't spoken to since school were reaching out to me asking wtf was going on. It was madness.

In response, I posted the export of his entire conversation history with Laura, also to Facebook (when I finally got back in). I linked to the chat along with a post explaining my side, and noting that I had changed my ex's icloud and apple passwords, and that if he wanted them back, he should comment on my post and update his own, admitting that he was lying. He eventually did.

When I started getting messages about his post, I panicked, and changing his passwords seemed important to preserve everything because he'd know I had access.

When I spoke to him the next morning it's clear he's not having a mental episode at all, but is claiming one because he's been caught in a big lie. As soon as he was outed, he called me, clearly drunk, begging and promising to explain everything if I deleted my post.

I hung up and told him to call back the next day. He did (after many missed calls and texts), and he tried to bargain and guilt trip me with his mental health until it was clear the wrong people had seen his conversation. It's hard to describe but it seemed fake. It was too well rehearsed, and then this morning, when it was clear he was getting nowhere, he blocked me.

Begging for mercy and reciting facts about mental disorders doesn't align with someone in crisis with a sincere belief that someone murdered their sibling. The question of why he did all this remains unanswered, and he will not be getting his passwords until it is.

The legal advice subreddit said this stuff is technically illegal but it's beneath a court to take action, so I'm going to count on that because I felt like I had no other choice at the time, and now I don't see any other way to get answers from him. I am desperate and it's all I've got.

So there we are. The relationship I have believed was my destiny since I was a teenager has boiled down to petty, convoluted and vindictive bullshit, played out on social media, for reasons still unknown.

My hope for a brain tumour is fading and clearly tomorrow morning is going to be when I lawyer up and stop posting about this. I am mortified, I have no idea whether some people might believe him, and I still don't know why this all happened in the first place. Sorry I don't have a happier update, and thanks once again to everyone who offered advice.

Relevant Comments

OOP on her husband’s reaction after confessing to lying

OOP: He didn't react at all. He'd called me tens of times at that point and we'd had 5 conversations on the phone about it.

He was laser focussed on me deleting the chat log from the get go, but when I made it clear that posting that comment and editing his original Facebook post was the only way to progress the conversation at all, he finally did it. Then he went silent publicly as far as I can see, but continued begging me behind the scenes.

henicorina: What on earth is in those chats that he’s so desperate to keep people from seeing, and that would conceivably lead you to kill someone? Is there any chance they were using some kind of code or something?

OOP: I think it was the fact that it proved his story false, alongside the way they spoke about some people. It was really damaging stuff and I can see why he panicked, I hated to do it to him but I really couldn't think of anything else because so many people had questions.

sonicblue217: Sounds like he staging mental issues to get rid of you or create a reason he's not responsible. Cheating? Money missing from work, personal or family?

OOP: This is exactly how it comes across. He kept saying about how various behaviours he's shown over the years fit anxiety and depression (they don't), and that his vulnerability has led to a complex grief related breakdown.

He is not particularly informed on mental health issues, so I don't understand how he went from a drunken shambles to that level of insight overnight, when he had apparently been in active crisis (posting horrible lies on Facebook) less than 2 hours before calling me initially.

You make an interesting point about finances that could be something weird, but definitely not to the extent that it explains any of this. When Laura died, she had a loan and credit account that no one knew about.

The total on them was less than £3k, and I don't know what happened because they weren't mentioned much after they came up initially, but everyone was a bit surprised.

She lived for the weekend and going away with the girls so it wasn't hugely suspicious, and it was confirmed there were no unusual transactions in her accounts, but it was odd.

She was saving to move out, so she was pretty open about her finances generally because she was excited about her savings goals. I don't think it points to anything, but I'm at a point where anything could be relevant because it's all such a mess.

Update 3:

Hi everyone. Me again. Both times I've posted here it has paid off hugely in terms of helping unravel this mess, so I hope it's third time lucky. For the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out why my husband suddenly accused me of murdering his sister, who died in an accident at home, 6 months ago. It still feels as ridiculous now as it did then.

When Laura died we found out she had about £3k in hidden debt. It was odd because she was pretty open about her finances, but it wasn't out of character for her to overspend so I hadn't really thought about it since.

A comment on my last post prompted me to look more closely at money stuff, and a message to my husband from Laura asking about a payment stuck out.

I'd initially assumed it was about a car issue she'd had a few weeks before she died, but Luke definitely paid at the garage when they picked it up, because we talked about it after she dropped him home. It didn't occur to me when I first looked through. The messages supposedly proved I was a murderer so I had been looking for something scandalous.

The message about payment was the only thing I had at that point, and I had no idea what it meant, so I took a chance. I told his mother I knew about the money, and that if he didn't get in touch with me that day, I would make sure everybody else did too.

He called me straight away and asked me over to his parents' house to talk. He looked dreadful, and the first thing he asked me was whether I was happy now all of his friends hate him. I told him I don't give a f about his relationships and that I was there for answers.

It turns my husband told the coroner's office that he was secretly helping Laura pay some of her debt because she was embarrassed and struggling to keep up with her lifestyle. I assume it didn't seem suspicious because her death was clearly an accident, and that's what they were investigating.

In reality he took out loans and storecards in her name, and she somehow found out a few weeks before she died. Some guy he works with had apparently done it before and arranged it all, and if Laura hadn't found out, he claims they could have had it written off without her ever knowing.

When she did find out, the guy left him high and dry (quelle surprise), and he had to pay it off. I'm inclined to believe that's the gist of what happened, but I am shocked my husband would do something this stupid.

When she died so soon after, his brief and apparently genuine suspicion was that she had told me about it that day, and we argued and I'd killed her.

He couldn't explain why I would kill someone because they were a victim of fraud, but according to him, he felt guilty in the immediate aftermath and his brain made it fit. I mostly believe this, but he tried launching into more weaponised therapy speak at that point, so I cut the topic off.

A few months after his sister's death, Luke received a letter from a credit company (not even the police) saying he was being investigated. Laura didn't have much, so her debts (which were less than £10k even with the fraud) were mostly written off.

Something obviously flagged against my husband during that process, I don't know how or why. When the letters got more threatening, he believed the investigation would reopen the inquest, and that he would be accused of fraud, perjury, and because of his previously unknown motive, possibly murder.

He claims the only thing the company investigating him actually knows is that the fraud came from our address, so accusing me would make it impossible to prove because it would be a coin toss (his words) as to which one of us took out the credit in Laura's name.

That was worth our entire marriage to him, and my reputation in the community we have been part of for our entire lives. He says self preservation kicked in and nothing else mattered when he thought about what could happen to him.

When I asked him how his witness statement fits into his plan, because it proved he lied either way by acknowledging he knew about the debt and paying it, he froze for roughly a million years before saying he hadn't thought of that.

Obviously my response was to ask why, if he hadn't thought of it, he specifically said it was a lie he needed to cover earlier in the conversation. Suddenly he's sobbing and his parents are rushing in to ask me to leave.

I was in tears at this point asking how the f he could do this to me over something so stupid, and how much his parents knew about this (as his mum was pushing me out of their house). All she said was that she couldn't have this conversation with me. She was crying too but wouldn't say another word.

I am now 99% sure the f was trying to frame me. Not for her death, but for the fraud. He was going to claim that he was lying for me in the coroner's interview right?

If he wrapped it all up as quietly paying her off on my behalf then genuinely suspecting me of her murder, it would protect his reputation and point the finger at me.

It just doesn't make sense any other way. Is my husband trying to frame me to weasel out of his actions, and how do I get to the bottom of this? I'm obviously open to theories because reddit is the only reason I got this far in the first place.

That being said, please don't come up with conspiracies about Laura's death in the comments. It's upsetting. She was wearing shitty old slippers and walking upstairs with a cup of tea, and she slipped and hit her head on a windowsill.

This was never a murder mystery, it was someone's life, and she died just because. Maybe a butterfly flapped its wings somewhere, I don't know, but it's hard enough to accept without having guesses shouted at me on the internet whilst my marriage falls apart.

Relevant Comments

Even_Budget2078: I mean framing you for fraud seems the most plausible from what you've found, though it's an incredibly idiotic "frame job" that wouldn't work. So, I have to say, he sounds incredibly dumb. As an explanation, it's probably the best you are going to get, though very unsatisfying.

I am mystified by his parents' behavior and what he thought that Facebook post was going to accomplish. It's not like the investigators are going to go poll the town, he could have just written back to them that he knew nothing about these cards and the only people at that address were you and him.

There was no need in this weird plot to ruin your reputation publicly. But, again, he sounds very dumb, so I guess that made sense to him

So sorry this happened to you, but I suspect in several years time (hopefully sooner!), you will see being rid of him and his family was actually a blessing. I wish you your very best life going forward!

OOP: This is what I don't understand. He's behaved impulsively before but never anything like this. I understand that he didn't take the fraud seriously until he was caught by Laura, and I can get that her death would have made him anxious about it, but I don't know what would possess him to think he could just...pass it along. It's baffling.

Even_Budget2078: What's also strange is that it sounds like the fraud amount was low enough that, while yes he'd get in trouble, it isn't like he's going to be ruined. Not that this is a good thing, but white collar crime is not exactly strongly prosecuted in the UK.

Plus, it sounds like a repayment settlement could have solved this. Unless he works in finance or needs a security clearance, this wouldn't be something he couldn't recover from.

Also very odd is that you were his alibi for the accident! I realize that wasn't necessary as this was an accident regardless of alibis, but still it's very dumb if he was worried about this being known as a motive, that he would alienate his alibi. I keep coming back to the dumb part, only explanation that makes sense! lol

Edited: Changed US to UK, where OP is

OOP: This is exactly it! £3k would have been manageable, he could have set up a plan to repay it over a year, and he'd have needed to tighten up but would have been fine. It was a private company so getting their money back would obviously be more of a priority than seeking prosecution.

This is also part of why his story doesn't make sense. It's such a small amount in the grand scheme of things to blow up your entire life. The only thing I can think of is pure desperation to protect his reputation, but even then, who goes that far?!

Strong-Bottle-4161: Is he someone that really prides himself of his reputation?

Is his job in finances?

OOP: He's a mechanic, so he's got a bit of a masculine pride thing going on. He always wants to be seen as a good "salt of the earth, do anything for anyone" type person, and whilst actually being a good person sometimes slips (usually in the way he talks to people after a drink), never ever to the point where I'd think he'd take loans out in people's names or try to ruin me like this.

Saint_Blaise: I'm sure you've been asked this before but is he on drugs?

OOP: He's a casual drug user but I've never seen signs of it getting unhealthy. He does cocaine maybe 8-10x per year, and I've never known him buy it when his money would have been better spent on something else.

He's better at spending money than having it generally, but he's never ever shown signs of being greedy or deceitful. The only thing I can think of is that it would have been in the lead up to Christmas, but his gifts weren't particularly extravagant so I don't think it was a desperate attempt at a magical Christmas.