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Woman shocked when husband sneaks out at 5 am, 'What about our 5 MONTH OLD?!' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.

Woman shocked when husband sneaks out at 5 am, 'What about our 5 MONTH OLD?!' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.


When this woman is shocked by her husband's late night departure, she asks Reddit:

"Am I wrong for being upset that my partner left the house in the middle of the night? AITA?"

Keeping this short because I’m seeing red right now. It’s 2:30am. An hour ago I got up to turn the air on and realized my partner wasn’t at home. I went to bed before him and he was still in the living room gaming. 1am, no sign of him.

So I call about 6 times, no answer but it’s ringing through and his location is on. I’m worried SICK because we have a 5 month old and my mind was going to the worst places.

1:45am rolls around and he texts me back after I’ve texted and called 6 times a piece, “Yes I’m ok I was with the old neighbor gambling, on my way home now.” What the actual f??

You thought it was ok to leave the house in the middle of the night to go gamble, you have an infant and family at home and didn’t think to text or call me ONCE? Then he didn’t even call after he had seen me texting/calling him, he TEXTED me to let me know he was ok.

At this point I’m livid because I had started calling his dad and brother because that’s how worried sick I was. Whether he was gambling, cheating, whatever the f he was doing, I don’t care.

I wanted to know he was safe. So I had to call him again and make sure he was on his way home since he didn’t think enough of me to CALL when he saw I was worried. He gets home and doesn’t even come acknowledge me, just lays back down on the couch acting like nothing happened.

I go in, and I asked him what made him think any of this was ok? He said why would he be on his phone if he was gambling. Oh ok so you didn’t look down at your phone not once? Right.

He says it shouldn’t matter because he thought me and the baby were sleep. So if I never got up, I never would’ve known he left! I said you have a son at home to worry about and care for and you think your actions are normal.

He said stop using his son as an excuse any time he wants to go do something (at 2am ??? Wtf???) because if he’s home safe and sleep it shouldn’t matter. I’m breaking up with him and told him he needs to be out by Friday. I don’t think I’m overreacting but, Reddit… AIW?

INFO: I should’ve worded this better, when I said the old neighbor I meant someone who used to live next to us and he was the one who moved, we’re still in the same house so I’m not sure where he moved to / whose house the location was at! Sorry for the confusion.

Before we give you OP's major update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

parkihealerwords writes:

NTA. Bare minimum you should have had a text letting you know where he was, but really that was just a poor choice overall, imo. You guys are still in the trenches, baby wise, I get that a night off can be needed, but those can be communicated and scheduled in advance!

He isn't acting like you guys are a team, he isn't acting like a father, he isn't even acting like an adult.

I'd be willing to place my own bet and say this isn't the only way he's letting you down these last 5 months.

And to not answer his damned phone when he knew full well you could have woken up with the baby and found him missing in the middle of the night?? ...

Like, what happened was not a surprise! Or it shouldn't have been if he'd have given you a minute's thought (besides thinking about how he could sneak off without you knowing)...

And he has the audacity to not even give you a heartfelt apology?? COME ON! ... Bro doesn't respect you. Full stop. NTA. He deserves what he's getting. He damn near asked for it.

livedleg writes:

Single incident or part of a pattern. Only reason for separation or one of many? Gambling problem? Lots of people have on line gaming problems that affect quality of the relationship.

I would suspect that you are looking at this partnership in totality, not this one incident. Also sounds like he blew you off. Drastic step you are taking and things on the other side are not always greener.

I think you need to negotiate rules and boundaries and see if they are met before throwing in towel. A lot of times we have expectations that are not met and may not recognize we never expressed them.

Not saying your choice to leave is wrong just asking have rules and boundaries been discussed and agreed to: is this a pattern? Is there an addiction issue? Good luck in whatever decision you make.

beginningwitness writes:

It certainly is a red flag. Is he really with the old acquaintance or is he with a new boo?

Few years ago when my daughter was in Chico State in California, there was a person that worked at a doctors office. He use some sort of drug to give to his wife and children to knock them out.

Then he would take advantage of that and drive up to Chico, which was a 15-20 minute drive from where they lived, and he would pick up vulnerable females. he proceeded to ties them and then rape them.

All students and specially female in the local area had their guard up. He was finally caught by the police after many months. And the wife had no clue that she was being drugged every night.

Please don’t ignore the red signs. Love yourself more and stay strong.

mysteriousbill9 writes:

I feel like there's a lot of projecting going on in this thread. The situation could easily be he just went to hang out with a friend. Everyone was asleep so he just popped out.

But ultimately this doesn't seem to be about him popping out. It seems you don't trust your partner. Ultimately, if you suspect he may have been cheating it's a sign there's a lack of trust in the relationship.

The fact that you jumped to all these negatives conclusions isn't healthy. People should generally be trusting in relationships and should default to giving their partner the benefit of the doubt. It's an unhealthy relationship if you constantly feel all the things from your post.

Ultimately, some people have a later body clock than others and some people can handle gambling responsibly so unless OP states otherwise it's unhelpful to assume the worst from him.

So OP, I'd suggest there's some underlying problems that need addressing. You both seem to have gotten too heated for something that ultimately didn't lead to anything, I understand why you would be worried but the anger on both sides is an overreaction.

oddmelon6 writes:

He didn't tell you because you were sleeping and would have torn him to shreds if he woke you up.

You would have told him the time and how ridiculous it is for him to even ask at this time when you were getting your much needed rest, and then he would get pissed because you are treating him like a child by not allowing him to do something...

That he wants to do - even though it is not interfering with any plans you had and baby is sleeping... the blow out fight lasts 30 minutes and you both are worse off afterwards...

He should have texted you after the first call, or after he arrived to let you know where he was, but I imagine if he answered your call he would have been stuck on the line listening to your overblown freak out, so he chose not to.

I get the feeling by your post that he intentionally waited and ignored you just to delay the inevitable beat down and enjoy himself a bit. I get it, it's not the correct play but I do get it.

You need to relax and understand that you are both adults and if he wants to go somewhere while you are sleeping, he can. If you want him to wake you up and let you know, then don't give him a hard time when he does.

I'd bet that he's scared to wake you, scared to ask if he's allowed to go play poker, and just avoided the conflict to bear the aftermath.

5 months old are stressful, as are marriages. You both need to cut each other some slack, and remember that you are both adults. It is not the end of the world if you wake up and your partner has stepped out for a bit - they didn't wake you because no first mother of a 5 month old wants to be woken up.

He's an adult, and although being out of touch is a no no, the immediate reaction should be "I'll ask when he gets home, back to sleep I go", not "omg he must be hurt or dead, need to wake his family up".

If the baby is crying, he owes you one or two on that night. Get up and deal with it and have him pay it back for leaving you there - bring it up casually instead of being pissed about it... No, I'm not OPs partner, I've just been there .

humorcomprehenseive8 writes:

I'm on the fence about this. My wife and I communicate well, but sometimes, for example, when I get up to leave for the store later in the night she will demand to know exactly where I'm going, and to many guys, this can seem suffocating.

Guys might just do things to re-establish their own sense of autonomy. I went to Taco Bell for an hour and watched TikTok while I ate my food because I didn't like feeling controlled. And if your response is "how hard is it to just update her" then we can't even begin to have a meaningful conversation about this.

Then, OP provides this MAJOR UPDATE:

Lots to address here. When he woke up I asked him to show me the messages of the old neighbor asking him to go gamble. His response was that the neighbor posted it on Snapchat and they texted there, which means the messages are gone. So he didn’t have any.

He said he also left his phone at the old neighbor’s house (he has 2 phones) and that when the neighbor brought it back to him, he would have him tell me himself that they were gambling. I declined the offer.

I asked him if he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did, he said no because we were sleep and he didn’t think he’d be gone that long. I said you don’t even think it’s worth an apology? His response: “if that’s what you wanted then I’m sorry, but you don’t have to be bitter and kick me out.”

Once I realized he showed no remorse, I told him to just go ahead and leave today. He packed his belongings and is gone. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect for another hour, let alone another day.

I would never keep his son from him. He will be able to see him any time he wants, but I can’t live in the same space with someone who shows no remorse or regard for our family, and can’t take accountability for his actions. Coparenting will have to do, and I have no bitterness in me and no issue with doing that.

I’m 20F and he’s 21M for those asking. The reason my mind automatically went to something being wrong is because 2 years ago he left the house late at night and got into a wreck, the car caught on fire and I was up wondering where he was.

I called every police station and hospital I could, and luckily found him at 2 in the morning at a hospital in critical condition. So please don’t ask me why I was paranoid.

I’m sure being a single mother isn’t gonna be easy, but as of rn I have about 6 months of expenses saved so that should give me enough time to figure some things out. Thanks for all the insight and advice.​​​​​​

Looks like the jury's kind of out about this one. What do YOU think of OP's dilemma.

Sources: Reddit
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