'AITA for being upset that my partner left the house in the middle of the night?' UPDATED
"AITA for being upset that my partner left the house in the middle of the night?"
Keeping this short because I’m seeing red right now. It’s 2:30am. An hour ago I got up to turn the air on and realized my partner wasn’t at home. I went to bed before him and he was still in the living room gaming. 1am, no sign of him.
So I call about 6 times, no answer but it’s ringing through and his location is on. I’m worried SICK because we have a 5 month old and my mind was going to the worst places.
1:45am rolls around and he texts me back after I’ve texted and called 6 times a piece, “Yes I’m ok I was with the old neighbor gambling, on my way home now.” What the actual f??
You thought it was ok to leave the house in the middle of the night to go gamble, you have an infant and family at home and didn’t think to text or call me ONCE? Then he didn’t even call after he had seen me texting/calling him, he TEXTED me to let me know he was ok.
At this point I’m livid because I had started calling his dad and brother because that’s how worried sick I was. Whether he was gambling, cheating, whatever the f he was doing, I don’t care.
I wanted to know he was safe. So I had to call him again and make sure he was on his way home since he didn’t think enough of me to CALL when he saw I was worried. He gets home and doesn’t even come acknowledge me, just lays back down on the couch acting like nothing happened.
I go in, and I asked him what made him think any of this was ok? He said why would he be on his phone if he was gambling. Oh ok so you didn’t look down at your phone not once? Right.
He says it shouldn’t matter because he thought me and the baby were sleep. So if I never got up, I never would’ve known he left! I said you have a son at home to worry about and care for and you think your actions are normal.
He said stop using his son as an excuse any time he wants to go do something (at 2am ??? Wtf???) because if he’s home safe and sleep it shouldn’t matter. I’m breaking up with him and told him he needs to be out by Friday. I don’t think I’m overreacting but, Reddit… AIW?
INFO: I should’ve worded this better, when I said the old neighbor I meant someone who used to live next to us and he was the one who moved, we’re still in the same house so I’m not sure where he moved to / whose house the location was at! Sorry for the confusion.
Before we give you OP's major update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
parkihealerwords writes:
NTA. Bare minimum you should have had a text letting you know where he was, but really that was just a poor choice overall, imo. You guys are still in the trenches, baby wise, I get that a night off can be needed, but those can be communicated and scheduled in advance!
livedleg writes:
Single incident or part of a pattern. Only reason for separation or one of many? Gambling problem? Lots of people have on line gaming problems that affect quality of the relationship.
oddmelon6 writes:
He didn't tell you because you were sleeping and would have torn him to shreds if he woke you up.
You would have told him the time and how ridiculous it is for him to even ask at this time when you were getting your much needed rest, and then he would get pissed because you are treating him like a child by not allowing him to do something...
humorcomprehenseive8 writes:
I'm on the fence about this. My wife and I communicate well, but sometimes, for example, when I get up to leave for the store later in the night she will demand to know exactly where I'm going, and to many guys, this can seem suffocating.
Guys might just do things to re-establish their own sense of autonomy. I went to Taco Bell for an hour and watched TikTok while I ate my food because I didn't like feeling controlled. And if your response is "how hard is it to just update her" then we can't even begin to have a meaningful conversation about this.
Then, OP provides this MAJOR UPDATE:
Lots to address here. When he woke up I asked him to show me the messages of the old neighbor asking him to go gamble. His response was that the neighbor posted it on Snapchat and they texted there, which means the messages are gone. So he didn’t have any.
He said he also left his phone at the old neighbor’s house (he has 2 phones) and that when the neighbor brought it back to him, he would have him tell me himself that they were gambling. I declined the offer.
I asked him if he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did, he said no because we were sleep and he didn’t think he’d be gone that long. I said you don’t even think it’s worth an apology? His response: “if that’s what you wanted then I’m sorry, but you don’t have to be bitter and kick me out.”
Once I realized he showed no remorse, I told him to just go ahead and leave today. He packed his belongings and is gone. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect for another hour, let alone another day.
I would never keep his son from him. He will be able to see him any time he wants, but I can’t live in the same space with someone who shows no remorse or regard for our family, and can’t take accountability for his actions. Coparenting will have to do, and I have no bitterness in me and no issue with doing that.
I’m 20F and he’s 21M for those asking. The reason my mind automatically went to something being wrong is because 2 years ago he left the house late at night and got into a wreck, the car caught on fire and I was up wondering where he was.
I called every police station and hospital I could, and luckily found him at 2 in the morning at a hospital in critical condition. So please don’t ask me why I was paranoid.
I’m sure being a single mother isn’t gonna be easy, but as of rn I have about 6 months of expenses saved so that should give me enough time to figure some things out. Thanks for all the insight and advice.