Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
Woman is shocked by sister turning into bridezilla; 'She has SEVEN specific demands for the wedding party.' AITA? UPDATED 6X

Woman is shocked by sister turning into bridezilla; 'She has SEVEN specific demands for the wedding party.' AITA? UPDATED 6X

ADVERTISING

When this woman is freaked out by her sister, she asks the internet:

"Is it me or is my sister turning into the biggest bridezilla. AITA?"

So, a little background. I am the second youngest of 5 kids. My older siblings are two brothers and one older sister, who we’ll call X for the purposes of this post.

X and I have a 5 year age gap, as a result we never really had that “sisterly” bond you would expect most sisters have. Growing up I was always a burden to her, and anytime it was my turn to pick the family movie (or really anything) she would get upset. The reason being that she had control issues as early as 9.

So I’m guessing you can already see where I’m going with this. I’m currently 18 (about to turn 19 - woohoo!) and X turned 24 earlier this year.

Her bf “Y” proposed to her at a family beach day earlier in June of this year. It was one of those “big white letters and rose pedals” proposals which he set up before my family arrived.

She was thrilled, said yes, and my parents were very happy along with my older siblings (the youngest is 4 so I don’t think she understood what was happening).

Now here’s the drama - since the proposal she has gone into full bridezilla mode. At the behest of my mom, X made me a bridesmaid. So I’m roped into all the b.s. so far these are the demands my dear sister has made...

• All bridesmaids are to pay for their own dress (a $300 dress! In blush pink), shoes, hair, and makeup.

• All bridesmaids need to attend all wedding and bachelorette events, including:

A. The bachelorette spa day $800 each

B. The bachelorette vacation weekend to Toronto and stay at the Fairmont hotel $1000 weekend just for hotel

C. The dress appointments (even if just for bride), all alterations covered by the person themselves. $300 dress plus approx $300 alterations etc

D. All things to do with wedding (cake, venue, catering etc) they need to attend. The cake and food tasting, they all need to pay $25

E. The guests, and the bridal/groom party need to pay $150 to reserve their spots. And gifts have to be either cash, cheque, or from the list of registry items. She has a spreadsheet of what everyone is gifting, and has said she will return items that aren’t from her registry/match her theme

My mom says it’s bride anxiety, I say it’s just my sister trying to control everything because she wants a December wedding on a ski hill. Bleh

Anyways, I figure if people are interested, I could update periodically on what happens. Thanks for reading!

Before we give you OP's dramatic updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

dakaeta writes:

NTA. Why does everyone in this post seem as “standard” or “normal” to ask for thousands of $ for their wedding?

For me people attending was enough, being a bridesmaid it’s not a full time job, people have lives and bills to pay, Brides need to stop asking for so much from people, if you want this people there, YOU pay.

Yes she’s a bridezilla since she can’t see that everyone can’t afford the amount of money and TIME that she’s asking for. It’s just a wedding , get over yourself. Ridiculous.

ryalp writes:

NTA. Yeah this is nuts, demanding thousands of dollars from your loved ones like this is unacceptable. Bridesmaids are also not responsible for helping to plan the wedding beyond what they volunteer.

Where is her groom for these tastings and vendor meetings? The couple should be handling vendor communications and their planning process, not the bridal party.

My maid of honor only had to buy her dress ($99), accessorize herself however she wanted, we planned a bachelorette together and she stood with me and served as my support on the wedding day. I paid for her hair and makeup, I would have covered her dress too but she insisted. My goal was to make her life easy, not treat her like the freaking help.

Sure, bounce ideas off your bridal party but they are not a team of servants. They’re people who are supposed to have been given a position of honor.

The edit and her other behaviors are gross and insulting. OP id bow out and put your foot down to your mother that you literally cannot afford this.

intpea writes:

So let me get this straight- the guests have to pay a deposit to even be invited to attend the wedding?!

In addition to providing a gift which probably won't be something that's a $5 set of hand towels for the kitchen. I would be absolutely shocked if her guests actually put up with this expectation and attended.

I'll be honest- I did ask my girls to pay for their dresses but I also didn't have a specific dress in mind. I just gave them a color and said whatever they were the most comfortable with style-wise is what they got.

I did pay for their hair and makeup- and we kept my bachelorette weekend low-key- got a B&B and just had a sleepover weekend where we drank wine and played games and it was a blast.

Your sister's expectations are ridiculous- please do not put yourself through the stress and debt trying to keep up with her unreasonable expectations.

And now, OP's update:

1.) All bridesmaids need to go to hair and skin appointments every 6 weeks to ensure our hair and skin is “flawless” for pictures, it’s out of pocket too

2.) Anyone with tattoos needs to cover them (our dresses will do that. They go to the neck, ankles, and wrists. The bride wants to be the only one sleeveless/showing her tattoos and colourful hair style). Either we need to get our hair dyed to a natural colour, or wear a wig at our expense

3.) The dresses only come in sizes 00-10 (pretty good range for most. But those who don’t fit are expected to try to lose weight. I’m a size 12, and already my sister is calling me fat. She’s sent me a keto diet book through Amazon.

4.) No one [vendors] are to communicate directly to the bride/groom. It has to go through us first. She made a gmail with “lastnamewedding” which we all have access to, and we aren’t supposed to ask her if something is okay. We should just know (this is the part that stresses mom out)

5.) We need to remind the guests that they need to pay a deposit of $150 to save their spot, and if we don’t get it, they don’t come. We also need them to confirm what they’ll purchase from the registry or the $ amount they’ll give.

Update 2:

Y’all are making me realize my family isn’t normal. I’m going to look into therapy with my uni and seeing if I can move into residence earlier. I want to thank the person who private messaged me about getting my mom off my bank account and also get my birth certificate etc. I think I’m going to do that after I talk to the people at the bank.

I texted my mom (I’m at work right now) if her, dad, and I can talk about it while X is gone to her fiancés for the night. I’m hoping to show my mom and dad this post to help them understand where I’m coming from

Update 3:

I’m going to take some time away from this alt - just because a lot of you are right. This isn’t normal, our relationship as a family is not normal. I called my aunt while I was at work (for those of you who don’t know, she’s my godmother, and she thinks my mom is nuts) and we talked about it.

She’s encouraging me to talk to my parents about everything (not only the wedding, but favouritism etc since childhood) and she’s also on standby in case things go to shit.

My shift at work finishes in a few more hours, then I’ll go home and pack a quick bag of stuff for my aunt to grab before my parents and I talk.

Her fiancé makes 120k+ a year as a tech dude, and she’s an accountant making 100k herself. So it’s easy for her to afford this. He “loves her spice” he’s a very calm man tho. So they match really well. He’s the only one who can calm her down. It’s normal on his side of the family. They say it’s normal in Italian families, which I just found out, it isn’t.

The problem for me is that I can’t afford it without going into debt for my student loans. Interest on student loans right now is 26% so I’m scared to be in debt.

She has 13 bridesmaids (12 bridesmaid, 1 MOH) and it’s to match the fraternity class of her fiancé (he had 13 people he became “brothers” with in his class…idk what it means, but it’s special) so if I drop out, two of the guys would need to walk together.

I have talked to my sister. She says it’s my job as her sister to save up. Mom and dad are paying for the wedding (almost 100k) so they can’t give me the 2k for my expenses. I’m going to Uni in the fall and my tuition is 17k. Tuition has always been ours to pay. Mom and dad saved money for everyone’s wedding/honeymoon.

MAJOR UPDATE 4 (one week later):

Firstly, I just wanted to apologize for how long this has taken. My parents originally planned to talk that night, but mom said she wasn’t feeling good and decided to go to sleep early (around 6 pm) and that feeling stayed for a while.

We then got busy moving my sister into her fiancés place and by the time everything settled, my parents forgot we had something to discuss, and kinda brush it off to the side. We finally had the conversation two days ago and I needed a day to think and just react to things.

So turns out my dad never knew the whole story, he knew he was responsible for paying for my sister’s dress and a portion of the wedding or honey moon. The reason for this is that my parents told me (dad confirmed with bank records) that my parents had been setting up 25k accounts for myself and each of my siblings.

The rule was that these accounts could be used for anything once we turned 19 and went off to post secondary. It was our money to use. I just turned 19 and my dad was getting ready to sign the money over to me when we had this conversation. Which caused a bit of a blow up, but right now I need to give some background info I was given.

Right after sister got engaged, she apparently had a conversation with my mom about how she always felt like the child left out (she’s used this line before so I do believe my mom fell for it and was guilt tripped).

As a result of a very long conversation, my mom figured that she could divert some of the funds from all the kids accounts to pay for sister’s wedding.

For those wondering, my two older brothers are in the military. They aren’t married yet, and live on base. They never used their 25k because the army in Canada pays for your education, housing etc.

So my mom had 50k at her disposal. Then combined with my sisters and my 25k it would have been 100k. Mom figured that because I had 17k saved up, she could just give me my 25k later for a car or a house payment…or wedding (bleh)

Sister did this because again, she is a master manipulator (side note: thank you to the wonderful redditors who sent me to various sub reddits for narcissism and support along with those who sent articles on it to me) and possible narcissist. She used some of my mom’s mental and physical health conditions against her.

When I was born, mom went through very bad PPD, resulting in her leaving to a treatment facility for 4 months. Leaving my sister, two brothers, me, and dad behind. My two older brothers at the time were 9 and 7 at the time and me, only a few months.

Sister for reference was 5 or just shy of 5 (I honestly don’t care to calculate), since my brothers were trouble my dad had his hands full, and a live in nanny did the stuff for me, so my sister had little to no attention at an age where attention is important.

I think that triggered the bad sides of her to come out. While the nanny did help sister with basics (food, water, bath, clothes, a little play) she wasn’t a replacement for mom.

When mom came back, sister had a huge grudge, but not to mom, but to me. I was the reason mom left. Which led to her trying to smother me with a pillow. Mom caught her in time and it was a “funny” story for us as a family. Turns out that’s a coping mechanism.

Over my childhood, sister has used manipulation to get what she wants, and she did it for the wedding too. Mom felt bad, and decided to give her little dove everything she desired.

Common things I heard growing up were “you always give (me) XYZ! I want this!“ (proceeds to have a meltdown) As sister grew up it wasn’t little toys and candy anymore. But girls trips. As a result of this, dad and I grew very close. He’s my best friend.

My sister and I had a decent relationship when I was 12-14, but it changed again when mom got pregnant with youngest sister (it was an accident lol) and I became the target again for sisters rage and abuse.

While I know it doesn’t excuse a lot of things, I figured it would be important to give you all the whole story.

Update 5:

So now with the back info done, here’s what happened: A day after sister moved out I asked my mom and dad to please finally have the convo with me. Mom was feeling better so we sat down and we’re talking. I told them how I felt, how much of a financial toll it would be on me, how it wasn’t fair etc.

Well, Dad blew up. He didn’t know about the 100k, or the things sisters was doing etc. He didn’t like the fact that mom used a lot of “your father and I agree” talk even tho they hadn’t (I showed group chat screenshots). We worked through the wedding issue (I don’t have to attend) and the 25k for me issue (dad is signing it over early).

Then I was asked to go to my room for a bit because dad and mom wanted to talk. They settled the budget issue on their own. Dad then asked why I didn’t feel comfortable to talk to them earlier, so I showed them this post.

My dad snapped. He immediately called my sister and told her to come here ASAP because he needed to talk to her and would not accept excuses. She said she would be here in 4 hours because she was with fiancé and his parents. Dad pressed, and she hung up and blocked him.

Dad told me to go to my room once again, but to leave my phone so they could go over the post and see the comments. I don’t know exactly what happened but mom came to talk to me later.

She then told me about the PPD etc (I didn’t know about it earlier). We solved our issues and I finished by asking if sister would go to therapy. Because moms convinced that the 4 month leave caused this stuff in her, mom said she’d try, but can’t force. I told her if sister doesn’t go, I’m going NC with her and possibly LC with mom.

Dad then joined the convo and assured me I would get my money, and I wouldn’t have to go to wedding if I didn’t want to. Since sister is charging $150 per guest, she can pay for her grandios wedding through that. Soon to be BIL and his family aren’t paying for shit apparently, so now they have to or sister doesn’t get to have her ski hill wedding.

Speaking of the $150 fee, y’all were right. It was sister who concocted the whole thing and told mom it was an Italian thing. We talked to sisters MIL when she dropped sister off (sister doesn’t drive) and MIL was shocked that Sister had said that. There is apparently a money dance, but no $150 fee.

So onto what happened when sister came back. She came after 5 hours, and while MIL was there she was sweet as pie. But when MIL left, oh lord the gates to hell broke lose. She demanded why dad disturbed the peaceful evening and demanded he drive her back. Dad said he didn’t care and to sit down.

She refused, they fought. Finally she sat down after dad started pulling out various tricks. Including money or telling MIL about sisters true nature (which I guess fiancé hasn’t seen much of)

I was excused to my room again. There was a lot of angry yelling back and forth and a lot of manipulation from sister, including threats of LC/NC or no seeing possible grand kids in the future. She was trying to get mom to go back to original plan (100k plan) and mom and dad weren’t budging.

The fighting continued and stopped when my dad yelled saying mom isn’t her punching bag and her PPD was not her fault and if she was that angry about it, go to therapy.

After that I was called back down, and we went over all the issues. Starting with the Keto book, sister tried to defend saying i was fat and lazy, dad defended me. Sister started to cry and mom told dad to be a little softer, which he did.

We finally discussed everything and I felt like part of the family instead of like a punching bag. Sister eventually got an Uber and left because she was “being attacked”.

We’re going to wait until Christmas time when brothers are back in town so we can all discuss what we need as a family to go forward and be healthy. But it will most likely be therapy or cutting sister out.

Mom and dad are still figuring out the full budget issue with my sister’s in-laws. My parents told them that for such a wedding to happen everyone would need to contribute. In-laws agreed that 100,000 for a wedding is insane.

Last I heard, sister will get her 15k for the wedding, which is basically 5k because 10k dress (since it’s already ordered - the other 10k is being held for something tangible) and then her in-laws are being generous and helping with 15 K. 10 to wedding 5 to honeymoon.

As for my schooling, Dad and I are going to the bank tomorrow and we’re going to pay the cancellation fee for the loan I had to take out. The loan only officially starts when I start school so thankfully the cancellation fee is very small.

My dad is paying for the fee because he admits that I should’ve never had had to take the loan out.

My parents agreed that my first year of university along with housing costs will not come out of my budget (the 17k or the 25k) so they will pay themselves. The full amount that they budgeted for me is going to be transferred into something called a TFSA for later in life.

Well mom and I still have a somewhat rocky relationship, sister absolutely hates me. She blamed me for everything, and said that I have caused irreparable damage to her relationship with her fiancé and in-laws.

Because of this, she’s banned me from the wedding and from her life. I honestly don’t care, I don’t really see it as losing a sister I see it as losing a bully. I made a promise to my mom and dad that I would never treat my younger sister like that.

I’m going to be the role model she deserves and I’m going to be her protector like my brothers and my father were for me.

I think I covered everything that needs to be covered but if you guys have any questions feel free to ask them. I’m very thankful for the sub Reddit for teaching me what a real family is about, and for teaching me about boundaries and communication. Have an amazing life you gorgeous humans.

Update 6:

Mom and dad didn’t make it a funny story at first, it was sister mainly saying “oh it was a joke it was a joke!” (When we were older of course - because my parents never left me alone with my older sister.

Either they were in the room or my eldest brother was beside me). It was only after I was 10-11 and my sister and I started to have an okay relationship that the joke was made. I forgave her and honestly thought it was a joke. I now know it wasn’t and she hated me since day 1.

As for the therapy, I forgot to mention she did go from 7-10. Originally it was just a doctor who spoke to her once a month from 4 1/2 ish to 6 1/2 ish, but she learned how to say exactly what they wanted to hear so they discontinued the need for visits.

My dad was okay with this, my mom wanted the second opinion and found the best child psychologist in Alberta for my sister, and they took her on for 3, almost 4 years. Towards the end they said they taught her everything and helped her with trauma etc, but I feel like she just became really good at telling them what they wanted to hear.

As for her fiancé, he knows. I texted him a long text and voice message and we talked on the phone for 2 hours. At the end he just kinda shrugged it off. In hindsight I think he was in on it. He also displays some… concerning traits.

She showed signs of some concerning behaviour as a toddler (pushing/biting/purposely hurting my brothers or kids in day care) but I think the thing that really broke her was not having mom. Dad did the boys, the nanny did me mainly and her, my aunt handled the “motherly” things for her, but she’s no replacement for mom.

The problem is that while things did get better when I was 12 (sister talked to me about why she hated me, how she thought I was taking up attention etc) and at 14 she started hating me again because little sister was in moms belly.

I do know that my sister went to therapy from ages 7-10 because she had a grudge against mom and when mom stepped in to protect a then 3-6 year old me, sister would take it out on the house/mom/or would yell at the dog.

It’s not like dad chose to only raise the boys. I mean it in the sense that we only had one car, the boys were both in football, hockey and lacrosse, they were always on the road.

And when dad was there and he would take sister out on father daughter dates (2x times a week), she would get upset if she didn’t get a new toy, or a new gadget (she loved these things called pixel chicks, even when she stopped using them and I wanted to play at 3, she suddenly became very possessive over them).

And at month two mom was allowed to stay for weekends with us, and she would stay with sister watching movies, braiding hair, reading stories etc.

She “stole” her fiancé from another girl she knew, all because she wanted him and didn’t care about the other girl.

My sister will refuse to go to a doctor tho. Unless it was to prove she was right all along. She didn’t even let me have a Lala Loopsy doll without stealing it and burning the damn thing.

My mom has a therapy session this Monday for the money and guilt trip thing. Her and dad have couples therapy after.

I’m starting therapy on my own for a plethora of things, my brothers…well there hundreds of kM away so idk what’s going on with them, and sister is playing house. Little sister wasn’t there when the argument happened. We made sure she had a play date with her friend from daycare.

What do YOU make of this SAGA? Any advice for OP?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content