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Woman shocked when coworker adopts 8th child from Ukraine and then tries to give him away on Facebook. BIZARRE UPDATE

Woman shocked when coworker adopts 8th child from Ukraine and then tries to give him away on Facebook. BIZARRE UPDATE


When this woman is disgusted by her coworker's potentially illegal behavior, she asks Reddit:

"My coworker adopted a kid from the Ukraine a couple of years ago. Now she's going around work asking us to adopt him and writing about giving him away on Facebook. WTF?"

So, my co-worker is kind of a weirdo (I'll call her Mary for the sake of this post). Her and her husband are one of those people that have a ton of adopted kids (eight so far) and are super religious. To each his own.

Mary enjoys telling everyone at work her business, so when she decided to adopt a kid from the Ukraine, everyone heard about it. She went with an older kid because it was easier for her and her husband (she says). This was two years ago.

Mary has asked me to babysit the boy a couple of times (I'll call him Tony), and it's never been a problem because I like kids. I didn't see any glaring problems despite Mary's constant dramatics about how awful the kid was and he seemed to like being over...

(it's just me and my boyfriend here, and our place is small but clean and really well kept. Mary's house is...disgusting for lack of a better word). Mary would harp constantly about how much Tony liked it at our house but I just chalked it up to the kid having a good time.

Lately Mary has been at work, talking to anyone that'll listen about how awful Tony is, how horrible he is to the other kids, and how she's going to get rid of him. She sent out a freaking mass email to everyone in our department asking if someone wanted to take her kid from her.

She calls it "re-homing" and that its okay. I logged onto Facebook today and same story...she has pics of Tony posted to her timeline advertising him for re-adoption and to contact her if interested!!

I haven't replied to her email yet, and I haven't commented on her post but I'm this close to ripping into her for what she's doing. She's crossed the line from weird into full blown psycho. Should I call CPS? I called the police just now, but they sounded completely confused on what to do.

They agreed to a welfare check. The post is still up. Is this really legal?! I don't know much about adoption and a quick search for rehoming gets me mostly results about animals. Any advice?

EDIT: Shit has hit the fan. There's mass insanity right now, but I'll have an update for everyone tonight. Most importantly: the kids are safe.

Before we give you OP's crazy update, let's read some of the top responses:

twoflower1 writes:

My husband and I are in the middle of adopting a child internationally and "rehoming" has become such an issue our agency has a policy to check in with parents and child every 3 months for the first year and 6 months the second and third year after placement.

Our future child's country of origin also requires write ups from our agency for the first 3 years to ensure the child is safe. If a family decides they are not fit to parent the child they are legally required to give the child to the agency who will work to find a more suitable home for the kid.

Which is why they have all the visits so the kids don't get trafficked. it's also one of the reasons we chose this agency, country and are going through a program that has the least possibilities of the child having been kidnapped from their family or sold.

missyflowerfb writes:

We had a local family do this n Fb too. Begged and begged for money to save an “orphan” from Ukraine. Like, tons of money so they could fly to meet the girl, redo their house to accommodate their own kids (3) and the new girl, get a bigger car, just tons. They begged for money for a good two years.

The girl was almost 18 and in pics seemed borderline inappropriate with the dad. Laying her head in his lap, just hanging on him. People could see right away this wasn’t going to pan out. They got her over here and gave regular updates since they got so much money from their church and Fb friends.

Then the pics got fewer and fewer. She didn’t want to learn English, so that barrier continued to be a problem. She completely changed the way she looked, acted and dressed. The once demure orphan girl was no more. Then…..gone. Shipped off to get treatment at a halfway house group home type thing.

People kept asking what happened and wanted updates to make sure the kid was at least ok. Now, it’s like she never existed. No updates. No pictures. They thanked everyone for all the donations but said the kid was a danger to their home environment and there would be no further updates.

They had friends that had adopted too and used to beg others to adopt orphans too. That’s gone too. They were huge in the church, which also went away. Makes you wonder exactly what really happened.

amissmiss writes:

Unfortunately this is a lot more common than people realize. A lot of human trafficking and child-swapping in the USA goes on in the adoption "grey market" (not via the US federal / state gov).

This is an issue people have been trying to sound the alarm on for years and somehow they're / we're unheard or ignored and it's never been widely reported in news despite it being a rampant problem.

I'm on mobile atm so I can't look up resources easily, but if to search my comment history you'll find previous comments about this along with links to reputable resources discussing it.

It happens to both USA- born children (not all registered in the government system so they seemingly don't exist) as well as children sold (yes, sold; many "orphans rescued" are kidnapped) internationally...

but there is an overwhelming amount of Ukrainian and Russian children who are victims of this (I personally know 3, and I've never lived in a large city -- so imagine how rampant this is).

It's bad enough that several years ago Russia stopped adopting children out to the USA not out of political motive, but instead how many of the kids disappeared / got shuffled around to new "parents" / were "returned" to Russia like a piece of ill-fitting clothing being refunded at a retail store.

spiderplant9 writes:

When my family fostered we had a toddler come to us. Highly traumatised and neglected, nothing too out of the ordinary. Poor lad couldn’t be left alone with adult men, he’d just attack them.

We worked with him for a good year and a half, he grew and developed into an incredible kid, we worked through his trauma and he developed a really strong bond with my dad.

Social decided he was ready to be adopted. They found a fantastic couple and he went through the whole process, learning about having a new family who’d love him no matter what.

Six months later he was back with us. All the work we’d done had been undone, right down to his trauma response to adult men. Turns out that couple weren’t perfect, they wanted a child to fix their relationship and who could have guessed it didn’t work.

So he was thrown back to us. Another year of the same work and therapy and he’s been with his new family for a good seven years now and he’s absolutely thriving.

It’s sickening how people view adopted kids as disposable. So much so that one of the reasons (not the main one - that’s me being autistic) that my husband and I were rejected from adopting was that we were at the age where we can have biological kids.

There’s a concern that if you have bio kids after adopting you’ll “love the adopted ones less”

elendiddy8 writes:

Man, this is awful. My family is similar, I have 8 adopted siblings, and things weren’t perfect but rehoming was NEVER on the table for us.

It took time, and a long adjustment period (all of my siblings, most of whom are blood siblings were adopted together) but we eventually found our rhythm and I am happy to report that we are all very happy together.

Most of us are adults now, but with great relationships one with another and with our amazing parents. Adoption isn’t for everyone, and it’s far from easy, but when it does work, it’s beautiful and is easily the most impactful moment of my life when my siblings were adopted.

caketears writes:

The fact that Mary thought that adopting an older child was easier says everything you need to know about the situation. My husband and I are currently one year into the adoption process.

In our country we had to take 11 classes in total about all kinds of different topics regarding adoption and adopted children (where staff take lots of notes about you) and after that still have 3-4 talks and home visits with social workers and you have to get lots of paperwork containing information about yourself, ypur financial and criminal status.

It will take us another 6-7 months just to get into the part when we can start waiting for the social workers to choose us for a child. Is all that waiting super exhausting? Yes!

But when I read stories like this I am so glad my country has this system in place so you have some kind of knoweledge about what it's like to raise an adopted child and that the government has a close eye on all of it so things like these won't happen.

horangi1987 writes:

99% of families that think adopting an older kid is easier are not families that should be adopting. This is not a surprising ending.

I think some people get so wrapped in savior syndrome. They think stability and a loving family fixes everything, but don’t think about the permanent trauma that individuals suffer. Nothing removes the trauma.

Also, I’ve known a family that had tons of adopted kids (9). They went out of their way to adopt special needs children too. In the end, the oldest one (who was not special needs) ended up in a forced parentification situation and the overall quality of life for the entire family was substantially lowered.

It’s great that they wanted to save special needs children from a horrible fate in Korea, but if you can’t provide a high quality of life for them don’t bring them to the US just so they can be stuck on the US’s social systems too. I don’t know, maybe that’s a controversial opinion.

I was adopted as an infant and still struggle with identity issues and feelings of abandonment. Almost all of my friends growing up were also adopted from Korea (the Twin Cities has a large demographic of adopted Korean children thanks to Lutheran Social Services).

We all have unique and complex personal feelings about it, sometimes manifesting in less than ideal ways. And Korea has stopped international adoptions because they heard some of the negative experiences of children that grew up away from Korea and became embarrassed by the situation (there’s other factors too, complicated situation).

In the end, I would say that nothing can prepare even the best and most well intentioned parents for the feelings that adopted children can experience and especially one that’s already older. Shame on that family for adopting all those children, and good on the OP for saying something.

And now, OP's major update:

Let me start with saying a huge thank you to everyone in this subreddit that replied to my post.

Now that the dust has settled a bit, I’m honestly kinda overwhelmed by the number of people that went to huge lengths to tell me about just how serious this situation was/is, deep dived on resources, ect.

I got PM’s from people that worked for local and state governments and private agencies that were outside of my state but offered their contacts. I had people that spoke Russian/Ukrainian offering to help contact the Ukrainan Embassy and offered me contact information for Embassy departments.

People even contacted us offering money for Tony’s immediate needs in the event we decided to take him in.

I’m sincerely touched by the genuine concern all of you had for Tony and his siblings. I hope one day I can tell Tony that despite everything that’s happened, there’s people out there like you guys that care about him.

The information you guys gave us helped us act fast and got the ball rolling on this situation faster than me and my boyfriend would’ve figured out alone.

I talked with the cops about the situation and honestly? They were just as confused as I was. The person I talked to on the phone was just as stumped but he agreed that at a minimum they did need to do a welfare check.

I’ve had experiences with welfare checks before and I had the nagging feeling that something just wouldn’t go right… and someone PM’d me the priority line for my state’s child protective services hotline.

I got someone on the phone right away, and as soon as I mentioned that trafficking could be going on and that she was advertising the kid on Facebook (it was a public post here too, people), they acted with a quickness.

I gave them all the information I had on Mary and Tony and all the information I had from Mary about Tony’s adoption. The person I spoke to right away said that she suspected that the adoption MIGHT NOT EVEN BE LEGAL.

I was floored. I e-mailed all the screenshots I had to the person I spoke with and asked for a followup if that was at all possible. I said that myself and my boyfriend were willing to take Tony on a temporary basis if necessary, but the CPS representative said that likely wasn’t possible.

Then, the waiting game began. Last night was probably the most stressful night I’ve ever had- hell at one point, I was ready to drive out to Mary’s house myself but was stopped by my boyfriend. It was tough.

The cops followed up with us at approximately 2:00AM. Note that I haven’t heard from CPS. The officer I spoke with was very cautious and limited in what he said, but he told me that CPS arrived at the home shortly after he did.

In not so many words, he implied that Mary had been talking to someone about meeting Tony the very next day and that CPS’ suspicions were confirmed— Tony’s adoption was not legal. Tony was rehomed to Mary and her husband from another state where placement needs to be approved by a judge.

He didn’t elaborate further except to say that other issues came to light and all of the children were removed from the home for their own safety by CPS. He didn’t say how long they were there, but said it was “a long time”. I was asked to drop off all e-mails and printouts to the station in the morning, and I agreed.

My boyfriend and I wanted to make doubly sure that all of our bases were checked, so I called our local FBI office who said they lacked jurisdiction in the matter but would be writing up a complaint and referring the issue to the State Department.

We called the Ukrainian Embassy and made a detailed complaint and I included the contact information I had for the officer from the department.

The shit really hit the fan when I went into work to printout the e-mail. Our company is pretty small and the company owner, (I’ll call her Big Ange because of her resemblance to the Mob Wives lady) had gotten wind of Mary’s email.

Big Ange was FURIOUS, and waiting at Mary’s desk to see if she would show up for work. My friend reported that Big Ange waited from 7:15 - 9:30 AM, and that Mary CAME TO WORK WITH A SOB STORY ABOUT HOW HER KIDS WERE BEING UNFAIRLY TAKEN AWAY!

Mary wanted time off from work to “clear her name” and “devote herself to re-claiming her family from this misunderstanding”.

I wasn’t there to witness this, but Big Ange, who has six kids herself, apparently ripped Mary a new asshole. Mary has been dismissed and rumor has it that Big Ange may or may not allow her to claim unemployment.

My head is honestly still spinning from everything that has happened. The past 24 hours have been insanity. I’m so grateful that the system worked as quickly as it did. I only hope it works out a long term solution to this problem and that Mary doesn’t get to reclaim her kids.

My heart is breaking for Tony and the other kids right now… I don’t know what the f was happening in Mary’s house that made CPS remove them that night, but I’m going to sleep better knowing that they aren’t with psycho ass Mary and her husband, at least for awhile.

What the future holds for Tony and the other kids (especially because Tony’s adoption was apparently illegal) makes me sick…but I’m going to wish for the best.

TLDR: CPS took the kids. They're safe. Mary has been fired from work. Redditors amaze me with their kindness and willingness to help in times of crisis.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice?

Sources: Reddit
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