Woman with skin condition drops out of wedding after being told to 'cover up.' AITA?
"AITA for dropping out of a wedding after being told to cover up some scars and a skin condition?"
Hello, I'm F21 and the skin condition in question is vitiligo and despite it now covering more than half of my body, I've come to accept it. I also have pretty distinct scar on my cheek and and another one the entire length of my arm. They're not really nice looking but it's whatever. I do not cover any of that up, I'm happy with how I look and I don't want to hide a part of me. But that brings me to the wedding party in question.
My cousin Dan (27) is marrying Laura (26) in May. I've befriended her through Dan and she was always nice and didn't make fuss about how I look. That said, when she asked me to be her bridesmaid and I accepted, she asked if I could cover the scars up. I admit I wasn't too happy but then again, they can be an eyesore so I agreed. That was last autumn. A few weeks ago she extended the request to covering up the skin condition, which would mean 2 things really.
Either have completely different dress or attire than I already bought and other bridesmaids had, or be 60% concealing cream for the day. For everyone there that would just make me more stand out and make Laura blatantly look bad imo (why does she have a suit/didn't she entirely ditch concealers years ago?)
I explained that I can't do that for said reasons, to which she basically told me to figure something out, that she doesn't want me taking the attention away. I told her everyone attending already knows me so I don't know what's wrong. Laura still demanded I figure something out.
So I did the simplest thing I could to appease her - can't steal her thunder when I'm not in the party. I still intended to come as a guest and in a normal dress though. Laura still told me to cover up even as a guest, I told her no, which she didn't take well. So now I'm not attending at all. Dan told Laura to let it go and kind of tries to calm her down and most people relatively agree with me, but I also had people tell me to swallow my pride for a day. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ok_Childhood_9774 said:
NTA. No one has the right to ask you to cover up the way you look for their event, and you've learned something important about your cousin and his bride to be. Feel free to tell anyone who asks the exact reason you're not attending.
Famous_Specialist_44 said:
If I was Dan I'd cancel the wedding. Who wants to be with such a superficial, entitled and unkind person. You are NTA for not attending.
p9nultimat9 said:
NTA. You have a health condition that you live with. This is not the swallow the pride thing. This is not the case at all that a guest is insisting “I’m just expressing myself. My pride.” but actually breaking the dress code or wearing something inappropriate or stealing the spotlight on purpose at someone’s wedding.
neoprenewedgie said:
Super mega NTA. And I can't believe people only "relatively" agree with you. Unless Taylor Swift makes an appearance at a wedding, the bride is ALWAYS the center of attention. (And you know what? Even if the bride isn't always the center of attention, who cares?
You're throwing a party. If people have a good time, shouldn't that be the important thing?) I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like you are being far more reasonable than you need to be.
supremewuster said:
Extremely NTA - the fact that you even think might be TA in this situation is extraordinary. The craziest part is when she demanded that you cover up if coming as a guest.
quats555 said:
NTA. You took the high road and I applaud you. Now, if you wanted to be delightfully petty and maliciously compliant instead, you could go but wear some formal costume that covers every inch of you. Like a lovely Victorian ball gown with full gloves and a fancy masquerade full-face mask.
Old_Inevitable8553 said:
NTA. You shouldn't have to hide anything just to appease the bride. She can get over herself.
Diasies_inMyHair said:
NTA - Laura's attitude is totally inappropriate. If anyone asks why you didn't attend the wedding, please be completely honest - that Laura was adamant that she didn't want you there unless you completely covered your scars and your skin condition, because she felt you would attract too much attention otherwise.
Under the circumstances you felt it best not to attend. What she's demanding is just narcissistic and wrong on so many levels. Dan should be ashamed to be with someone who would do something like that.