Woman sleeps 12+ hours a day, leaves boyfriend with all household chores; AITA?
Dividing up the labor of household chores is one of the least romantic parts of sharing a home with your significant other, but unfortunately it's a key part of maintaining domestic bliss...
What happens when your partner is either clinically exhausted from work or pretending to sleep to avoid their share of the chore chart? So, when a conflicted boyfriend decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his girlfriend's sleeping habits, people were ready to help him clear his conscience.
AITA for being mad my (26M) gf (27F) sleeps out of doing housework?
We both work. I leave at 630 she leaves at 730. We get home an hour difference as well. Usually we both need naps after work. This last few days though she’ll take a “nap” that’s basically the entire night into next morning. She’ll get home around 6, says she needs a nap, then I don’t hear from her again until the next morning.
First day was whatever; she’s tired. But it’s been 12 (business) days in a row. I confronted her before about it and she dismissed it immediately saying she’s just tired. No matter what I ask (is work stressful, are you feeling ok) she immediately says it’s fine and to drop it.
For those days I have been doing all of the housework. Before we would split tasks 50-50 but now it’s more like 99-1. Walking our dog, making dinner, cleaning the place, dishes, all that has been me. I wouldn’t complain if there was a reason better than she’s sleeping half the time.
Friday she said she was gonna take a nap and I finally snapped and told her no. I’ll admit I was aggressive but I had enough. I said I was sick of her constantly sleeping and leaving me with all the work while she refuses to consider anything is wrong. I said it blankly; we both look for help for her or she stops sleeping so much on her own.
She just turned around and left for her sisters. I got an angry call from her mom saying I have no right to deny her sleep. I tried to explain but she just hung up. My gf isn’t responding to my messages and neither is her family. I don’t think I did anything wrong. Aita?
Later, he edited the post to include more details:
Editing for some clarification:
The possibility is there for her being pregnant or depressed. I would 100% be with her for both, however she dismissed the idea anything is wrong.
I do her laundry and cook enough dinner for 2 in case she gets hungry when she wakes up. Last couple days I stopped because she never did get up. All the grocery shopping has been done by me as well.
To those claiming I’m mad because “she won’t clean up after you” that is not the case at all. I never expect her to clean up after me; I always take care of myself. We both work full time and both split the chores before; I at no point ever have nor ever will expect her to do all the housework.
Weekends she does some minimal housework but mostly she sleeps in and watches TV. I’m fine with that on weekends since I lounge around, but with the weeks of her doing nothing it feels worse.
I yelled; I admit I was angry but I never touched her. I finally reached my limit of her both sleeping so much and ignoring my concerns.
To those saying I’m a sh*t bf for not forcing her to the doctor, that’s a crime. Plus if I tied her up and took her to the clinic how does that look? She’s not a toddler I can’t make her do anything.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was dying to weigh in on this sleeping beauty drama. Here's what people had to say:
ThisCatSwims said:
NTA and WHY do I see sooo many of people getting phone calls from SO’s moms? Why is a 27 year old getting her mother to fight her battles?? Your GF needs to grow up in so many ways.
M89-90 said:
NTA and if someone is sleeping that much I’d think they are sick or pregnant. Either way she can’t just dump everything on you. It’s been two weeks she need to go to the doctor to figure out what’s wrong and she can arrange a cleaner to come in if she’s too tired to do her chores. Dropping it all on OP is not ok.
PilotEnvironmental46 said:
NTA. Your right that this is a big change of behavior and should be looked into with her doctor. Your also right that it’s negatively impacting you and that you have the right to be unhappy about that. She owes you an apology for dismissing your concerns out of hand. You should apologize for snapping, but not the questions.
Agreeable_Guard_7229 said:
Is she actually sleeping all evening or is she just laying on the bed relaxing and playing on her phone/watching TV? If she is genuinely asleep then I would be suggesting that she needs to see a doctor. A 27 year old does not need to sleep for 12 hours every day, there must be something wrong.
DoesntLikeTurtles said:
NTA. 12 consecutive days is a long time for naps that long. I would be upset as well, especially if my SO was denying there was a problem and seeking whatever help they need. There's a definite problem that needs to be communicated and dealt with.
johnjonahjameson13 said:
NTA. It’s also not normal for an adult’s parent to call their SO and bitch at them on behalf of their child, outstanding circumstances aside. You should deeply consider this if you see a future with your gf- you might be getting angry calls every time you do something that upsets her.
So, there you have it!
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this man wasn't wrong to snap over naps, but clearly there's some sort of underlying issue at play. Feeling drained after a hard day at work is normal, but sleeping for over 12 hours every night is a blazing, blaring medical red flag. However, if someone is able to shut down their entire body to avoid washing a dish...you have to respect the long game hustle, right? Good luck, everyone!