Woman snaps at rude mother-in-law, 'she overshares,' 'I feel kind of insane right now.' AITA?
"AITA for telling off my mother-in-law?"
My partner Kyle (27M) and I (26F) spent a few days at his mother's Mary (50F? thereabouts) in January. Mary is what people call "a character." She has no understanding of boundaries, overshares, can be very rude...
The type that picks a vegan restaurant then complains to the waitress that they don't have bacon & eggs. Kyle wants to have a good relationship with her but it's hard. I'm polite with Mary but spending time with her is difficult. I actually suggested the trip because she regularly complains that Kyle spends more time with his father than with her, and I know it makes him feel bad.
One evening towards the end of the trip, we were all sitting together watching TV and the conversation drifted to Kyle's father, John. John is a generally good guy, and both Kyle and I have a good relationship with him. Mary & him were never together as a couple.
Mary started saying mean things about Kyle's father, then suddenly went off about him, telling us how he's a terrible person and now he's got a cushy little life because of "all the money from the settlement." Kyle's father is a victim of malpractice, he went in for a routine operation and ended up heavily handicapped. He almost died & had to stop working. He sued and got money from the hospital.
I got angry and told her to stop this type of talk and that considering he almost died and was handicapped for life, it was hardly "cushy." She told me she could say whatever she liked and that he'd made her life hard back in the days so she could be mean now. I answered I didn't have to stay and listen to this type of trash and left for bed.
Afterwards Kyle told me he hadn't said anything because he was so used to it but he was happy I'd told her to stop. The next day she didn't talk about the argument. Three weeks after we left, Kyle called her to get some news. She told him that we had hurt her when we were are her place, and that she found my attitude disrespectful and mean. I feel kind of insane right now so: am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Special_Respond7372 said:
NTA. Yes, technically she can say whatever she wants, but you are not required to stay and listen, nor is she exempt from the consequences (you leaving) or reactions to those words. She sounds like a bitter and negative person who needed to be called out on her BS, which you did. Maybe next time she’ll think twice about what she’s going to say.
ScaryButterscotch474 said:
NTA This is the kind of person who has FOMO and is intensely jealous of others. Doesn’t understand the hardships that people go through to be successful etc. Constantly complaining and doesn’t actually want a solution - just wants attention. How sad.
cofencehopper said:
NTA. She's "allowed" to talk sh$% about whoever she wants to, but you did the right thing by disagreeing with her and then removing yourself from the situation. Unless your getting angry was like a 9/10 and her complaining was like a 3/10, I don't think you're an ahole or it really counts as "telling off."
SliceEquivalent825 said:
NTA You do NOT have to listen to anyone's verbal diarrhea. She clearly loves to revel in being someone who is a victim. Time to talk to Kyle about limited contact that you will have with her. She is toxic, he needs to know that he also does not need to live like that.
Dana07620 said:
NTA. But don't stay with this woman again. When you visit have a hotel room and limit your interaction with her to doing things outside of her home and maybe one meal at her place.
MaxSpringPuma said:
NTA. Yeah, you should feel insane. When she acts like that, why are you taking her opinion into consideration? Especially when your boyfriend doesn't feel like you did anything wrong after what she was saying