Woman forces husband to deal with daughter's breakdown so she can go on vacation.

"My family is calling me out for staying on vacation while my husband dealt with my daughter's emergency."

Fresh-Cartographer23 writes:

I (60F) often visit my sister and her husband in another province, flying there and back. This time, I invited my husband (59M) along with me for the first time. He wasn't very keen on going due to our home situation.

Our daughter (24F) still lives with us and is heavily dependent on us as she is recovering from severe substance use disorder, and her mental age is more like 13 due to the effects. This has caused issues when leaving her home alone in the past.

For example, the last time I visited my sister, my husband wasn't home the whole time because he flew in and out for work. While we were away, she relapsed, had random people over to our home, which was not allowed, and made the house a disaster.

She also called all our other children, yelling unintelligibly (we have three other kids who are out of the house). She also has a habit of leaving taps running for no reason and is generally not a very responsible person, even when we are home.

I convinced my husband to come along anyway because she hadn't used it in a few months, so I thought it would be fine. Plus, I wanted him to help cover the costs of the trip. During one of the layovers, he had a phone call with our daughter, and afterward, he told me he had a bad feeling.

Her voice sounded off, and he wanted to turn around and go back. I again convinced him that he was overthinking things and that it would be fine, so he agreed to keep going.

The day after we arrived, however, I received a text from my son saying we should probably book the first flight home. Apparently, he had gone to check up on the house overnight. He had discovered our daughter incapacitated, the house in absolute disarray, a street person and their dog in our house, and the basement flooded.

They could not take the dog out because it had defecated in the house multiple times. She had also been driving our car around, which we left her the keys to, in this state.

My husband knew he would need to go home to deal with it, and I decided I would stay and enjoy the last five days of the vacation since it had already been paid for, and we might as well get our money's worth. My husband didn't oppose this and has gone home to deal with the extensive damage due to the flooding.

However, my other children are saying that this was unfair to him and selfish on my part since the vacation was my idea. My husband is also saying I should have listened to his concerns.

I tried to explain that I have to enjoy my life even if I'm caring for my daughter, and it's not fair for me to be unable to go on vacation anymore. I couldn't have seen this coming, but they still say I should have known better and shouldn't be making my husband deal with everything.

Here are some of the top comments:

HeirofRavenclaw says:

“I couldn’t have seen this coming.” Lady, I saw it coming halfway through this story. Sorry, but you and your husband aren’t equipped to deal with your daughter. You’re getting old, and it’s not going to get easier.

YTA (You're the A%#hole) here, especially for the line, “I decided that my husband would return home to deal with it, and I would stay and enjoy the last five days of vacation.” Cruel and selfish. He didn’t even want to go, and if you didn’t pressure him into going, there wouldn’t be anything to be “dealing” with at home.

dutchy81 says:

YTA. You can enjoy your life, but is your husband not? You sent your husband home alone to fix and clean up everything and care for your daughter alone. At the same time, you are the one who put him in that situation to start with. That is extremely selfish. Your other kids are right.

And "I decided..." is very telling; those things should be a mutual decision. Would you have been okay with it if your husband decided that you should go home and take care of everything while he enjoys his vacation?

Phoenix612 says:

YTA. Curious to know how often your husband gets to take a break considering the fact you often leave to go visit your sister without him. Doesn’t he also get to enjoy his life? Then when the sh%t hits the fan you tell him to go fix the mess you should have seen coming a thousand miles away.

What do you think? Should OP have also returned home from vacation or was she right to send her husband while she enjoyed the rest of the trip?