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Woman disgusted by stepmom's suspicious accusation, 'You and your dad are in love.' AITA? 4 MAJOR UPDATES.

Woman disgusted by stepmom's suspicious accusation, 'You and your dad are in love.' AITA? 4 MAJOR UPDATES.


When this woman is freaked out by her stepmom's suspicious confession, she asks Reddit:

"My stepmom thinks my dad and I are in love. AITA?"

My dad (50M) and my mom (45F) got divorced when I (21F) was in 1st grade. My sister(18F) and I have been doing fine going between houses since then. A few years ago my dad met my stepmom (50F) and it was amazing seeing him so happy that he finally met someone who loved him as much as he loved her.

They got married 3 years ago and ever since then she’s acted different to me. My dad and I used to do everything together. He’d take me to his work, we’d have dad daughter dates, he took my sister and I on family trips with just the 3 of us. My stepmom threw away everything that resembled my mom when she moved in.

My jacket that had my dads company and moms name was thrown away. Pictures from my parents wedding went missing. She starts crying and screaming when we talk about life before she came into the picture.

Now she accuses just me and my dad of having a sexual relationship (which is not true whatsoever).

He’s not allowed to be home alone with me, we aren’t allowed to go hangout together without her, I was wearing my snow gear (we live in MN so it’s pretty cold) and she accused my dad of looking at me sexually (I WAS IN GIANT SNOW-PANTS AND A HUGE COAT). Heaven forbid I sit on the same couch as him.

I was happy that he found someone who loved him but I feel as if I’m being pushed further away from him. I try to be nice to her because her own kids barely talk to her anymore but I’m finding it really difficult.

I cry every time I visit because those two just end up in a fight about me while I’m here. I know he doesn’t want to start over but is staying with her worth losing a relationship with your own daughter?

Before we add OP's three major updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

eefraula writes:

Do you have a strong resemblance to your mother? It sounds like she is very insecure, possibly struggling with her mental health a bit, and her own anxiety and obsession caused her to erase every sign of his previous marriage that she could.

But you cannot be erased and you have a bigger presence and significance than any jacket or wedding photos, so this lack of control on your step-mom's end is driving her crazy.

This is honestly wild, and I'm confused how she can even prohibit you two from seeing each other when she's not around. Why is your dad allowing her to hold away over his relationship with his own daughter?

I have to imagine the comments she makes must make him feel so weird, and I'd assume that is damaging whatever intimate relationship he and his wife have left. Also, you said her kids stopped talking to her -was that because of her erratic behavior?

farawayxisland writes:

My mom used to date a man that accused her of having a sexual relationship with my brother and said I was messed up because me and my dad don't have much of a relationship.

He needed to be with her every second or she was apparently cheating on him, usually claimed it was with my brother. My mom and my brother aren't even close and don't spend much time together.

I couldn't deal with it anymore and told her how it was disturbing and the fact she chose to continue to date this man was hurtful, why would she not stand up for her children?

She said some colorful words in response about how no one ever likes anyone she dates, which led to me cutting her off and deleting her off social media, which led to her calling me a lot of names that I didn't want to throw back to her and chose to not answer, I might have once just told her this situation hurts.

Eventually she broke up with him and apologized in a really shitty way, but I chose to forgive her and now she's married to a man that's extremely kind and she's a much better person now.

Moral of the story, don't put up with this. Question your dad on why he is allowing this. It's disturbing behavior and this woman should not be in your guys life if this is how she's going to be. She needs therapy for her mental distress or divorce.

clothafraid writes:

My dad's ex-wife did the same thing. She was super abusive in countless ways, but that was definitely the strangest part, seeing as I was 9-12 when they were married and my sister was 13-16.

I couldn't show any physical affection to my dad (my dad and I were very close, still are) because she was convinced I was trying to seduce him. Makes me sick just thinking about it.

She would accuse my sister and me about being "obsessed" with our dad. Mind you, at this time, our mom was also actively suicidal and we essentially had no parent at the other house, so of course we would latch onto our dad, who was worlds more stable.

So this crazy ass woman picked two abused young children and said "yeah, these kids desperately needing affection from the only real parent they have at the time are definitely trying to seduce their father."

polishsmich writes:

Oh dear. I don’t want to sound like the bad guy here but….I have three kids of my own. If anyone began to even toe the line with any of these behaviours, including the early ones, I wouldn’t entertain it for a second.

They’d be out of my life, no matter what age my kids were. Why? Because my children come first. More importantly, I chose to have them, and my duty as a parent is to put them first and help them to have a fulfilling, happy life.

I know you love your dad, you can clearly tell from the tone of this post. I also realize that you’re an adult now, and while your feelings and motivations stem from love and kindness, he is the one who should be concerned with “what’s best for my child” - not the other way around. No matter how old you get.

There is no way I can begin to imagine your father isn’t aware of, at the very least, how incredibly cruel and damaging this is for your and his relationship. He needs to stand up for you.

There is no one on this planet earth who should be important enough for your father to lose his relationship with you - especially because you sound like a thoughtful, mature person who’s a great daughter.

I hope you give yourself the permission to let go of the need to placate this person on your fathers behalf. It’s not your job. Your job is to be happy, grow, and have a good relationship with your father.

She is not good for your father, and not good for you. If she was, she wouldn’t be ruining your relationship. And your father needs to take responsibility for the fact that he is also allowing this to happen.

I wish you the best OP, and even though it probably won’t mean much: you may not be my daughter, but if you were, I would choose you every time.

everyfairydies writes:

Have you spoken privately with your dad about all of this? You say they have arguments over you, so I'm assuming he's at least somewhat aware of what's going on, but he may not know the full extent of it.

I'd try and talk to him alone about it. What she says, how she makes you feel, and how it's effecting your life and your relationship with your father.

Ask him what you asked us: is this relationships worth losing you, his daughter, over? Because that's what's going to happen. Is that what he wants?

Don't make it a "her or me" ultimatum, but make it clear that unless something changes, whether she leaves, or they enter marriage counselling and she enters therapy herself

(with fully trained, licensed and professional therapists, not just someone who read a pamphlet and thinks that's enough to make them a relationship expert) then you and he will not have much of a relationship because, for your own sake, you can't be around her. Heaven forfend it ever escalates to a physical level and she attacks you one day.

Please talk to him, and let us know how it turns out. Good luck, OP.

Then, OP provides her first major update:

I want to add that my stepmom and I had a good relationship before they got married. We went shopping, exercising, and much more together like we were best friends. The issue started when my grandma(moms mom) passed away 1 1/2 years ago and mom moved in with my grandpa.

Who happens to live 5 mins away from my dad. I’m told I look like my mom all the time so it could be because she’s threatened by my mom somehow? Even though both of my parents have said that even if they were last two people on the planet they’d rather die than repopulate with each other.

Then, OP's second major update:

Hi everyone I first wanted to say thank you for all your support. I read each comment and try to respond to the ones that people have a lot of questions about. I also wanted to say that I’ve received many hateful DM’s and comments saying I’m a troll and fake. I just want to say that my story is completely true.

Others have experienced a similar situation based on mine. It’s hurtful to think people this is fake but I can understand as this is a fd up situation, I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemies….

OP's third update:

I just wanted to answer a few of the questions I’ve been receiving. 1.) Her boys (27, 25, 22) had some communication but not a lot. The two eldest come over once a month and for holidays.

The youngest hasn’t been back for about a year. They all still contact my sister, myself, and my dad regularly. 2.) My dad has tried to go to therapy with her but it never works out from what I hear.

He’s had his heart broken by my mom really bad apparently and had a hard time getting back out there to date. He really wants this to work out with my stepmom and takes his vows “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” seriously. He wants to help her. 3.)

The photos albums and items that belonged to my mom he was saving for my sister and I when we got older. For example, my mom and dad kept their wedding rings and the day my sister and I both graduated we got a new piece of jewelry formed out of both rings that they melted and put together.

He didn’t look through them, they were in a box in the basement labeled “for the girls when older”. 4.) I’m NOT trying to make excuses for my dad behavior because it’s annoying and I wish it’d stop.

To be called horrible names and treated like a burden hurts so much. Hopefully I could answer your questions. My dad’s birthday is coming up and I plan on giving him an album of old photos of his past that don’t include my mom.

So he can look through a few pictures of my sister and I when we were younger. But I don’t know how it’s going to go at this point.

And now, OP's final update, about her dad's birthday party:

Hi everyone, I wanted to give you all an update on what happened for my dads birthday. I went through so many albums to separate photos of my dad and mom so my dad could have photos of his family without his wife freaking out.

I handed him the album in front of his wife, my sister, and my brothers. He didn’t even want to look at it. He opened and looked at all the other gifts my siblings gave him but not mine. He put it to the side and said “I’ll try to look at it later”.

I was so hurt I just started my car and went to my boyfriends house for the night. Apparently later that night my brother and sister heard my dad and his wife yelling at each other.

She’s claiming that he wants to go back to his ex wife, my mom, and he said he’ll get rid of the album if it’ll make her feel better. When they went to bed my sister took it and is now hiding it at our moms house because she’d like the photos of my dads past life.

I’ve been crying everyday because I thought he’d maybe stick up for me this time but no, he thought of his own wife’s feelings before his kids. He hasn’t even texted or called me after that night.

I think I’m ready to stop contact with my family for a little bit. I’ll still be in touch with my siblings but that’s about it. I’m going to be staying with my boyfriends family for a few months until we save up enough money to get an apartment together.

I’ve asked my sister and brother to pack some of my stuff up in my room and slowly start bringing it to me so I can put it in a storage unit so my dads wife doesn’t destroy anything of mine.

I also want to add that my dad was the one who asked for the separated album. He told me he wanted to see old pics of us and him without my mom to hopefully show my stepmom there’s nothing happening.

He asked me to do this a few months ago but I never had time because I was away at college. To the people who think I’m trying to provoke the problem, I’m not trying to. He asked and I thought he’d appreciate it which I guess he changed his mind.

What do YOU make of OP's dilemma? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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