Woman suffering from a cyst isn't 'allowed' to say 'ovary' around her dad. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for getting mad at my parents for not letting me say 'ovary' in front of my dad because it 'grosses him out' when I’m sick with an ovarian cyst?"
So I’m currently living with my parents because of the bad housing market, and I had a big falling out with my mom and dad today. It was the first beautiful day in a long time and I desperately wanted to be outside enjoying it, but I’ve been in excruciating pain the last few days due to an ovarian cyst.
I have a history of these, and the pain has been so bad in the past that I’ve had surgery, as the doctors mistook the rupturing cysts for a rupturing appendix. Unfortunately today was just a really hard day because I was nauseous and feeling extreme sharp pains so I was stuck in bed all day. Around 6:30pm I finally get out of bed and attempt to go out for an hour to try and make something of the day.
My dad asks “what’s up?” To which I respond “I’m in a tremendous amount of pain. It’s probably an ovarian cyst rupturing, I’ll be alright.” And then I left. When I get back, my mom is home from work sitting with my dad on the couch watching TV. I sit with them, still in visible pain, and my mom starts with me. “Honey, you know your dad hates when you talk about your lady problems, you should just talk to me about it.”
BACK NOTE: my dad DOES hate any words related to the reproductive system of a woman…don’t ask me why. Uterus, ovary, fallopian tubes… all make him ick. It’s been a past joke where I’ll describe my issues using these words to tease him, but I’ve always told him I found it a little ridiculous. It’s one thing if it’s ONE word… but all words relating to that?!
I proceed to tell my mom, I don’t appreciate a lecture right now, I’m in EXTREME pain, and I DO have an ovarian cyst that feels like it’s rupturing. It’s a medical issue, I’m not trying to piss him off. He starts getting agitated saying I need to stop while I start getting agitated in being lectured about a WORD that is what is medically happening to my body right now.
I explained “if my brother didn’t like the word “amputation” (he’s super squeamish) but I had to get one, he’d have to deal with it, and that my dad needed to deal with it too. They both started yelling at me that I was being disgusting and that no man will ever want to hear “those words."
I went back and forth with my mom via text saying that I found this to be pathetic and that he was a man child. I’m in pain. Maybe I overreacted so I need another opinion…what’s the verdict everyone? AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MsMeiriona said:
Honestly, I applaud the immense strength of will it must take not to tell your father he's "Ovary-acting." NTA, he needs to grow up. The fact you are in serious pain and are expected to just not talk about it to not hurt his fee-fees, absolutely ridiculous.
SpookyBarnes said:
NTA, they're being extremly insensitive and misogynistic. There is indeed no way you have to be ashamed or not allowed to express yourself about what you're going through. I hope you'll get better.
ResplendentAmore said:
NTA. "No man will want to ever hear those words"? My husband has been hearing about my ovarian cysts pretty frequently for the past month as there was a chance one was cancerous. And he has been supportive through it all because he is an adult who cares about me and my well-being, not a complete child who thinks anatomical terminology is so icky that his delicate little brain can't handle it. Your father should be asking what he can do to help, not running away with his hands over his ears.
Notgreygoddess said:
NTA. What century was your father born in that he can’t cope with clinical descriptions of female anatomy? About 50 years ago, my father, born in 1920, took my older sister, then a teen, to hospital fearing it was her appendicitis. It was an ovarian cyst, and he explained it to me & my brother when they got home.
My Mum was away, and Dad stayed off work to care for her. That’s what fathers do. That’s what MEN do. Tell your Dad that a decorated WW2 veteran had no problem talking about ovaries fifty years ago. He needs to grow the hell up.
Yama858077 said:
NTA. Your dad is a hypocrite and an AH and your mom is an AH for allowing him get away with his so called "ick" factor for female parts.
rumleeyamacc said:
NTA. It's not your fault that your dad is uncomfortable with certain words, especially when it comes to a medical issue like this. Your parents should be more understanding and supportive of you during this time instead of shaming you for using the correct terms for what is happening in your body. Hang in there and take care of yourself!
Icy_Entrepreneur2380 said:
How in God's green earth did he become a father if even the medical term describing a human body part disgusts him? Are you sure your dad isn't a 12 year old boy? NTA 100 percent.
UPDATE:
It’s been less than 24 hours and I can’t thank you all enough for your comments and support. I have an appointment Wednesday with my doctor to make sure nothing serious is going on.
This morning I confronted my mom and showed her the posts and comments. I was overly defensive, waiting for an argument if I’m being honest, but she just started crying. She said she was sorry and she knew she shouldn’t have said those things to me, she was wrong. We hugged it out. Please note I love both my parents, they are great parents but we have had some serious scares with my health.
Mom mentioned how my brain tumor misdiagnosis, and my constant battle with reproductive issues, makes her sad, scared and upset. She struggles to deal with it and apologized for it. We talked about my dad’s up bringing and how he’s always been like this, how it’s not an excuse, but I’m accepting it is what it is.
He loves me and she does too, they want me healthy but I’ve battled with health issues all my life. Dad doesn’t really want to hear any of it anymore unless I’m dying, and it’s not because he doesn’t love me, it’s because he struggles to cope. I’m an adult, and I love the little boy in my father who still needs to grow. It’s okay.
Mom will be here for me as long as she can, and said she loved seeing the men supporting me. She prays I find a good one someday soon who can support me the way I should be. That brought me to tears. Thank you guys. Thank you everyone, your validation has healed a part of me and helped me heal a part of my relationship with my parents.