Woman suspects financial abuse from husband; 'He'll help everyone in his family but me and our 2 sons.' UPDATED

When this woman is fed up with her husband's actions, she asks the internet:

"Husband Goes Out Of His Way To Help Everyone Except Me"

Maybe I'm being selfish idk please help me out. My (33) husband will go hours out of his way to help his family and friends but when it comes to me his wife (32) and his two sons we get nothing.

For example just the past month he has gone to Kansas with his grandpa to help him rebuild a church, 7 hours away. Helped his other grandpa build a tower and fix a automatic gate.

His mom and dad various different things. His friends that live and hour away, he helped install an a/c on their house. His best friend crashed on my couch most of the week last week and they sat and played video games the whole time.

When I asked him to renew our business license in town or order the boys cake for their party last saturday, well I'll be taking time off from work to get that done today and their party has been moved to this Saturday.

He knew the only time my family could come to their party was last Saturday because they have vacation planned the next two weeks. For context I'm the only one with a 9-5 M-F job.

We live in a small town where everything is closed on the weekend. He works the business which may only be 10hrs to 20hrs a week. The business is making enough for the business bills. Sometimes his family or friends will pay him for the work he does. We have been married for 6 years.

This has been going on for awhile he puts his family and friends before me and the kids and I have to figure out with my job how to get things done that need to be done for the household.

Please don't get me wrong I love that he knows how to do all these things and that he helps out his family and friends. But why can't I get some help from him for the little things?

RELEVANT COMMENT

When told to stop "nagging" her husband

I pay all the bills, the house is in my name because he didn't have the credit to get one. I don't think it's nagging asking him to do two things and there was no implying. I asked can you do this because I have to work and can't. I would love to share the responsibility instead of doing it all myself.

This isn't a one time issue this has been going on for awhile and I asked reddit because I don't know what to do anymore. I was a Staff Sergeant in the Army. I don't imply when I need something done. I ask when I need help. I look at my money as our money he looks at his money as his. He sometimes gets paid for helping others.

Before we give you OP's update, lets take a look at some of the top responses:

gaga62 writes:

I agree that you start treating him exactly as he treats you and you stop doing anything for him. I would also start asking friends and family for help. Your opinion doesn’t matter to him so maybe if he gets called out by someone he does care about and they call him out on his behavior he might force himself to help a bit.

And be honest when you call “I am so sorry and a little bit embarrassed to call you. But husband won’t help out and I feel like I’m drowning. Would be possible for you to (idk) watch my kids for a few hours?

I’m single handedly planning and organizing sons party and I need a few hours so I can get grocery shopping done and be able to cut the grass before everyone gets here.

Like I said I hate to ask but I need help and I have no support whatsoever here at home” or “hey I was wondering if I can hire you to come fix this? I usually do it but I am having one of those weeks that I just don’t have time to tend to the house, work and the kids by myself and I can really use the help.”

If they ask about your husband be honest “I love him but honestly he refuses to raise a finger at home to help me or the kids out with anything. So now I’m in this awkward position of having to ask for help and pay to get things done because I just can’t do everything by myself anymore.”

Im Sure your husband will get mad and probably tell you you’re embarrassing him, emasculating him, or blowing things out of proportion. So tell him you will apologize if he names five things he has done for you, kids or house in the past week to help out. When he can’t think of anything. Just tell him exactly what.

uddinga5 writes:

You sound like a married single mother and he sounds more like a dependent who’s treating you like an atm and bang maid. Cut off everything you do for him. Everything. Put YOUR earnings into a separate account going forward and only do things for your house and your kids.

It sounds like he’s showing you exactly who he is, so you should believe him. Men love to bullshit us with words, but it’s their actions that matter.

He has no problem rebuilding a fucking church seven hours away….. but he can’t order HIS OWN CHILDREN a birthday cake and renew a license in your own town to help you? He’s showing you he doesn’t consider any of yall his priorities.

Depending on how sick of it you are, you can either have (another) conversation with him about it and draw a hard line in the sand…. Or you can take his hints and separate. Look into how that’ll look for you financially before you do that though. Lawyer time.

Update 1:

I don't know if this will get to the people who commented on my first post but I hope it does. First off thank you everyone that commented. An overwhelming lot of you said to divorce him or seek counseling.

Well now something very strange has happened. I came home for lunch yesterday from work and the entire house was clean. Dishes done, laundry done, floor swept and mopped you name it and it was done. He even made dinner that night. I have no idea the who, what, when, where, or why of it.

He doesn't have reddit so I don't think he saw the post. He didn't apologize for anything. Just told me he loved me and was happy to see my face when I saw the house.

This is the first time ever in our marriage that he has done something like this. I suspect maybe he got my phone and saw the notifications from reddit.

But I don't know when he could of done that. I don't know what to make of this, but I'm over the moon happy right now. I usually only have time to really clean on Saturday and with a house of two boys you can imagine how messy that can get.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm going to watch and see what happens for now. Maybe he's changed miraculously over night. Or maybe he did find the original post. I have no idea.

And yes for those who commented that I don't give him praise. I definitely gave him praise for this and no I didn't ask him to clean the house. He did this one all his own. Thank you again to everyone.