Woman suspicious of fiancé's engagement ring; 'Horrified' after going to appraiser behind his back. AITA? BIG UPDATE
When this woman is horrified at what her fiancé went through to get her a fake ring, she asks the internet:
"My (25/f) fiancé proposed to me but it turns out the ring is fake. I'm so angry. AITA?"
Hey guys, so my fiancee Mark (30/m) and I have been together for two years. Two months ago, he asked me to marry him and he gave me a beautiful Cartier engagement ring.
I was really excited and of course I said yes. It was a beautiful ring and I was excited to be marrying the man I love.
The other day (Mark and I work together) I overheard two co-workers talking about Mark. Someone mentioned that Mark "make so much money but he didn't even give his girlfriend a real ring".
The person asked for clarification and it turns out that Mark bought a Cartier box off of Ebay then bought a CZ ring to put in the box.
I didn't want to believe it, then I took my ring to a jeweler to get it checked. My ring is essentially worthless. It isn't anywhere near a diamond.
Mark is on business right now. I'm so upset I haven't answered any of his calls or texts. I don't know what to say. Am I wrong for being this upset? I'm honestly starting to think this is a deal breaker. He's so cheap and stingy with his money but at least I thought he'd buy me a good ring when I know he can afford it. What should I do??
TL;DR: Boyfriend bought me a fake engagement ring and put it in a Cartier box to pass it off. Bragged to people we work with about what he did. I'm hurt and furious and honestly considering throwing that fake cheap ring at his face.
Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
Hold up. He's BRAGGING about tricking you to people at work?Lord have mercy. Is this fool stupid? He MUST be, because anyone that works in an office knows that that shit spreads like wild fire.
Not only is he stupid, he's a scammer with zero respect for your intelligence. That ain't love. Is he seriously 30 damn years old?!
Ditch this loser. He ain't worth it. When he asks you why, tell him you want someone that'll take you seriously-- not a fg clown.
beanfiddler writes:
He's bragging about how cheap he is and how he fooled you to his coworkers? What the f? I wear a CZ ring, but I know it's CZ. I picked it out myself. We can't afford diamonds, and I don't want them anyway. Nobody fooled me into accepting it, and nobody went to work the next day and bragged about pulling one over on me.
Honestly, I'd call off the wedding if someone did that to me. It's not about the diamonds or the CZ, it's about the deliberate deception and then bragging about it. He could have discussed with you his reluctance to drop a significant amount of money on a ring, and helped you pick out one that you both were happy with.
Instead, he lied, bragged about lying, and had absolutely no intention of telling you the truth. I guarantee he's going to do shit like this again the next time a money issue comes up. But it'll be too late, because you married him.
Seriously, call it off. You can't marry someone who's that financially dishonest to you. It's your financial future on the line as well, once you're married. If he can't treat you like an equal partner and just steamrolls over your objections to how he handles money in the most passive aggressive and dishonest way possible,
he's absolutely going to continually pull shit like this during your marriage. What happens when it's about your children and what they need, and he's too cheap to pay for it?
Seriously, dump his cheap ass. Fake ring equals fake engagement. He just expected you to start the most honest thing in your life with a massive deception. He doesn't respect you and he expects you to marry him? F that.
pucemoment writes:
You should definitely call this wedding off. He had the nerve to tell other people behind your back how he scammed you with a "faked" ring. I'd take that as a major red flag and pull back/ call off the engagement.
If you still want to work it out, I'd return the ring and insist on premarital counseling before considering an engagement in the future. I therapy you need to talk about finances and how your approaches to finance can successfully be merged. Honesty also needs to be brought up as your fiancé seems to its OK the lie to you.
Only after you two are on the same page with couples therapy/ premarital counseling should you consider engagement. In that case you two should pick a ring out together.
janeeye7 writes:
This same thing happened to the sister of a friend. She just decided to go get the ring appraised on a whim to put under insurance and found out it was worthless. He now ex had made many overtures about how pricey the ring was, he couldn't afford other basic shared expenses due to it, etc. He maybe paid $80 on QVC.
It is a fundamental breakdown in trust. It is one thing to decide as a couple to just go with a cheaper ring, but I personally would not be able to trust my partner when they were willing to start the next phase of our life with a giant lie and then make a fool of you and tell other people. Please make him your ex.
And now, OP's major update, after she confronts her fiancé:
I appreciated all of your feedback but these two had the best comments, especially the latter. I put her plan into motion. Also, if you messaged me death threats and abuse, please jump off a building.
Thanks. I'm not a selfish or materialistic person. I expect honesty from my future spouse; nothing more, nothing less. I haven't taken a dime from Mark.
Everything nice that I have was paid for by ME. I don't need to be with him for his money, because I have my own.
What I do want is consideration and thoughtfulness from my partner...not lies. If he had even gotten me something that was made from silver with my birthstone I would've accepted it because at least it came from the heart and showed thought behind it.
I did not, in any way shape or form, demand a brand name ring, or any sort of ridiculously expensive ring.
Anyway. Long story short, I finally answered Mark's calls and kept it as calm as I could. I told him I wanted to take an insurance policy out on the ring because it was very valuable and I was taking it to an appraiser.
Mark immediately shut up and told me that I shouldn't do that until he got back, that he already had a warranty in place at the jeweler, that I shouldn't make big decisions without him.
After he stopped spouting off reasons, I told him that it was too late, I already took the ring to a jeweler, and knew that not only was it a worthless piece of glass, but also silver plated.
The bastard stammered and the only intelligent thing that came out of his mouth was "You took it to a real jeweler?". Huge fight over finances, selfishness, and lying ensued.
He accused me of being a gold digger and I refuted this by asking him to try and remember that last time I EVER made him pay for anything or buy me anything. He had no answer.
I said I wanted no part of something based on a lie and hung up. Switched the Facebook status from engaged to single.
Oh, and changed the locks on our apartment and gave our dog to my sister to make sure he doesn't try to keep him (I paid for the dog and all his shots). He'll have a fun time trying to get in when he comes back from his travel.
I did love him. Very much so. But there comes a point where enough is enough, especially when it comes to something he knew I took very seriously. I can't be disrespected anymore; thus I'm putting my foot down and making sure my decision sticks.
TLDR: Dumped lying, cheap ass fiance. Changed the locks on our apartment and had someone take our dog so he can't get to him. Can't wait for him to try his key in the lock and fail or have a tantrum when he realizes "his" beloved dog is now with my sister.
Readers continued to weigh in on OP's dilemma:
contant writes:
This irritates me so fg much. Gold digging is not the same as enjoying luxury. Gold digging is not the same as loving name brands or expensive or blingy stuff.
Gold digging is USING a partner for their income and trading fidelity for being kept to a certain standard.
If you’re paying for your expensive stuff yourself, not a gold digger. If you’re on the same page about financial goals with your partner and want those financial goals to include fancy vacations and a designer clothing budget, not a gold digger.
If you live a fancy lifestyle but recognize that some day you might have to downsize or cut back if something happens with jobs, not a gold digger. If you and your partner decide that it makes the most sense for you to be a stay at home parent, NOT A GOLD DIGGER.
Totally reasonable to not want to date a person who values materialistic things. So don’t date them. Don’t accuse your partner of being a gold digger because they happen to like fancy shit.
oldmeller writes:
Former metal Smith/jeweler here. Avoid mixed metal/plated anything for a piece of jewelry you intend to wear every day, especially on the hands. If you sweat, get it wet, or handle salt, the metal will corrode and weaken super fast.
It makes me sad how much I love mokume gane jewelry (especially for men's wedding bands), yet the combination of the non ferrous metals with the sodium in the skin will cause it to wither away in a few years or less if it's worn the way a wedding band is supposed to be.
Aside from this, plating only adds to the perceived value of the jewelry and not its actual value. You can get a plating setup for under $300 and use it to plate whatever you want.
It's essentially metal particles suspended in a solution. You attach the jewelry to a source of electricity and put it in the solution.
The metal particles are attracted to the charged jewelry, and the end result is a thin layer of precious metal that is significantly thinner than leaf.
It adds maybe a few cents to a dollar of value to the jewelry itself, but people are drawn to pay more for it simply because its technically has gold or something in it while also carrying the look of a precious metal. In reality, it's not worth much more than the base metal it's made of, which is usually copper, brass, or nickle.
This is fine if you're looking for affordable jewelry that isn't going to be worn heavily and won't react with your skin. But it's pretty unacceptable for wedding stuff or anything intended to be kept as an heirloom. Don't get me started on diamonds, lol.